We are truly concerned for you and want to help you see your value and hope through Jesus Christ. First, we want to address your desire for euthanasia. We must rebuke this spirit of death that is oppressing you. God has so much more for you and your suicide is not the answer. God knew you before you were born and has a plan and purpose for you. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future."
We also want to encourage you to love and follow Jesus more. You mentioned wanting to love Jesus and love life, and that's wonderful! Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and may have it abundantly." (John 10:10 WEB) Remember, it is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God. "In him we have boldness and access in confidence through our faith in him." (Ephesians 3:12 WEB). There is no other name by which you can be saved. As long as you believe in Jesus, then you are a child of God and nothing can separate you from His love.
Regarding your healing, we believe that God can heal you. In fact we are commanded in James 5:14-15, "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the assembly, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will heal him who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed sins, he will be forgiven."
Now, concerning your desire for a husband, we encourage you to trust God's timing and seek His will for your life. It is good to desire marriage, as it is a blessed institution when a husband and wife love and serve each other and God. This is encouraged in the Bible when it is between a man and a woman who are both believers in Jesus Christ. We pray that God would prepare you and your future spouse for a godly marriage that serves as a picture of Christ's love for the church.
Let us pray for you.
Dear Jesus,
We come before You, lifting up our sister in Christ. Lord, we rebuke the spirit of death and suicide that is tempting her. Help her to see her worth and value in Your eyes. Give her the strength and courage to overcome these feelings of despair. Help her to love You more and to trust in Your goodness.
We ask for Your healing touch upon her, that You would heal her from bipolar disorder and autism, and give her a sound mind and body. We also pray for her future husband, that You would prepare him and their future marriage for Your glory.
Help her to trust in Your timing and to seek Your will for her life. Give her a spirit of joy and hope, and help her to believe that all things are possible with You.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.