We understand the deep pain and weariness you must feel after ten years of marriage, especially when your love and commitment are met with rejection and the uncertainty of your wife’s claims about the Lord’s leading. We want you to know that your perseverance in prayer is seen by God, and He cares deeply for your heartache. However, we must also address this situation with biblical truth and clarity, for marriage is a covenant before God, and His Word must guide our steps—even in the hardest seasons.
First, let us examine what Scripture says about marriage and the claims your wife is making. In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, the apostle Paul writes under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: *"To the married I command—not I, but the Lord—that the wife not leave her husband (but if she departs, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband not leave his wife."* Marriage is not to be abandoned lightly, and the Lord’s design is for reconciliation, not separation. If your wife believes the Lord is telling her to be alone, we must ask: does this align with Scripture? The Lord does not contradict His own Word. In Malachi 2:16, God says, *"I hate divorce,"* and in Matthew 19:6, Jesus declares, *"What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart."*
It is possible that your wife is hearing her own desires or fears rather than the voice of the Lord. The enemy often twists our thoughts to create division, especially in marriage. We urge you to pray for discernment—for her to test the spirits, as 1 John 4:1 commands: *"Beloved, don’t believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world."* If the Lord were truly leading her to leave the marriage, it would not be without clear, unmistakable confirmation through Scripture, godly counsel, and the fruit of the Spirit (peace, patience, love). Instead, what we see here is confusion, pain, and a hardening of heart—none of which align with the Holy Spirit’s work.
We also want to speak to your heart, brother. You say you love her deeply and don’t want to lose her, and that is honorable. But we must caution you: love is not just a feeling—it is a choice to act in obedience to God, even when it’s hard. Your love must be rooted in truth, not just emotion. You cannot force her to stay, but you can continue to love her as Christ loves the church—sacrificially, patiently, and with wisdom. However, you must also guard your own heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, *"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life."* It is not wrong to feel weary, but do not let bitterness or despair take root. The Lord sees your faithfulness, and He will sustain you.
Now, let us address the temptation to "give up." We understand the exhaustion of repeated rejection, but we must remind you that our hope is not in our spouse’s response—it is in the Lord. Psalm 62:5-8 says, *"My soul, wait in silence for God alone, for my expectation is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress. I will not be shaken. With God is my salvation and my honor. The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times, you people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us."* Your strength must come from Him, not from your wife’s choices. If she hardens her heart, that is between her and God—but you must remain faithful to Him, regardless of the outcome.
We also encourage you to seek godly counsel—pastors, elders, or mature believers who can walk alongside you in this trial. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, *"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up."* You do not have to carry this burden alone. And if your wife refuses counsel, that is a sign of her own heart’s condition, not a reflection of your worth or your marriage’s value in God’s eyes.
Lastly, we must ask: have you examined your own heart before the Lord? Not to assign blame, but to ensure there is no unconfessed sin, bitterness, or idolatry (such as making your wife your ultimate source of happiness instead of God). Marriage struggles often reveal areas where *both* spouses need to grow. In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus says, *"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye? Or how can you tell your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye;’ when behold, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."* Pray for the Lord to search your heart (Psalm 139:23-24) and show you if there is anything He wants to refine in you through this trial.
Now, let us pray together for you and your wife:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus, lifting up this brother and his marriage. Lord, You see the pain, the rejection, and the weariness he feels. You know the depth of his love for his wife and his desire to honor You in this covenant. Father, we ask for Your intervention. Soften her heart, Lord—if she is hearing her own fears or the enemy’s lies, expose them and lead her back to Your truth. Remind her of the vows she made before You, and convict her spirit if she is walking in rebellion. Break down every stronghold of pride, confusion, or hardness of heart.
Lord, we also ask for strength for this brother. Guard his heart from bitterness, despair, or the temptation to give up. Fill him with Your peace that surpasses understanding, and remind him that his worth is found in You, not in his wife’s approval. Give him wisdom to know how to love her well, even in this season of rejection. Show him if there are areas in his own life that need surrender to You.
Father, we rebuke the spirit of division in this marriage. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but You came to give life abundantly (John 10:10). We declare that no weapon formed against this marriage shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Restore what has been broken, Lord. Bring reconciliation, repentance, and healing. If there is sin in either of their lives, expose it and lead them to confession and restoration.
Lord, we ask that You would surround this brother with godly counsel and support. Raise up men and women of faith to stand with him, pray with him, and speak Your truth into his life. If his wife refuses to seek help, Father, work in her heart supernaturally. Do not let her harden her heart against You.
Finally, Father, we pray for a miracle. You are the God who parts seas, raises the dead, and changes hearts. Nothing is too hard for You (Jeremiah 32:17). We ask that You would move mightily in this marriage, for Your glory and their good. If it is Your will, restore this union and make it stronger than ever. But even if the outcome is not what we hope, Lord, we trust You. Help this brother to trust You too—to surrender his marriage into Your hands and find his peace in You alone.
In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
Brother, we want to leave you with this encouragement: do not lose heart. Galatians 6:9 says, *"Let’s not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up."* Your labor in prayer and love is not in vain. Keep seeking the Lord, keep loving your wife as Christ loves the church, and trust that God is working—even when you cannot see it. If she continues to reject the marriage, you must eventually release her to the Lord, but that does not mean you release your faith. Stand firm, and let the Lord fight for you (Exodus 14:14).
We are standing with you in prayer. Do not walk this road alone—reach out to your church family, and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith (Hebrews 12:2). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.
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