J
James916
Guest
I am dealing with constant sounds in my head. They go on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I also have disturbing dreams and horrible instrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are terrible things/visions you see in your mind or words that just pop into your head. I have never thought these things before.
The intrusive thoughts started first, 90 days ago, and then came the sounds. The sounds drone on and on and on and seem to mock me. I get so angry telling them to go away and they never do. The anger sometimes leads to even worse thoughts, but who wouldn't be angry with constant auditory torture going on in the sanctity of your own mind.
I also have memory loss. Specifically, most of my GOOD memories of my wife and son. I love them both dearly even though my wife and I are no longer together. I try to use them as a source of strength, but it's like something is trying to take it away from me.
I have a son I haven't seen in 6 months that I desparately want to father. And yes, some of the intrusive thoughts creep in when I think about him and other members of my family.
I haven't drank in over 6 months and I'm getting to the point where I am going to either
a.) go crazy or
b.) get psychiatric help
I feel like there is a dark force working against me that doesn't want me to stay drug, alcohol, or chemically free, see my family, or see my son. I felt WONDERFUL when I first got clean and now I'm afraid to go outside and talk to people because these thoughts just pop up. A mild example of this is the "N" word when I talk to an african american. This has NEVER happened before. I love everyone.
I text people and talk to other addicts on the phone, which is about all I can stand. Going outside and talking to people is torture. People seem to pick up on the things I think. I use to get smiles wherever I went and now people treat me differently, which of course makes it WORSE.
I am going to go and see a psychiatrist soon but I'm hoping some prayers will help me avoid doing any further damage to my brain by medicating it further.
If any of you have gone through similar ordeals and found relief PLEASE share. I am a good person who wants nothing more than to do the right thing. Stay clean, have a full, meaningful life, and most of all, give my son the father he desserves.
Thank you and God bless
The intrusive thoughts started first, 90 days ago, and then came the sounds. The sounds drone on and on and on and seem to mock me. I get so angry telling them to go away and they never do. The anger sometimes leads to even worse thoughts, but who wouldn't be angry with constant auditory torture going on in the sanctity of your own mind.
I also have memory loss. Specifically, most of my GOOD memories of my wife and son. I love them both dearly even though my wife and I are no longer together. I try to use them as a source of strength, but it's like something is trying to take it away from me.
I have a son I haven't seen in 6 months that I desparately want to father. And yes, some of the intrusive thoughts creep in when I think about him and other members of my family.
I haven't drank in over 6 months and I'm getting to the point where I am going to either
a.) go crazy or
b.) get psychiatric help
I feel like there is a dark force working against me that doesn't want me to stay drug, alcohol, or chemically free, see my family, or see my son. I felt WONDERFUL when I first got clean and now I'm afraid to go outside and talk to people because these thoughts just pop up. A mild example of this is the "N" word when I talk to an african american. This has NEVER happened before. I love everyone.
I text people and talk to other addicts on the phone, which is about all I can stand. Going outside and talking to people is torture. People seem to pick up on the things I think. I use to get smiles wherever I went and now people treat me differently, which of course makes it WORSE.
I am going to go and see a psychiatrist soon but I'm hoping some prayers will help me avoid doing any further damage to my brain by medicating it further.
If any of you have gone through similar ordeals and found relief PLEASE share. I am a good person who wants nothing more than to do the right thing. Stay clean, have a full, meaningful life, and most of all, give my son the father he desserves.
Thank you and God bless
