treeoflife
Account Closed
Lord Jesus, there is a roadblock between me and You because of all of my unanswered prayers. I am starting to lose faith in the loving qualities of God because of all the promises that just did not come true for me. Ask and you will be given, seek and you shall find - these promises in my case are not true. I have prayed, and sought, and asked believing and still not found what I sought. Any man or woman in this position would draw conclusions from the abundance of these unanswered prayers. So I know You have put me a far way off from You Jahweh God, I can sense it, and its horrifying to feel that way.
I don't know why You have ignored me. I don't know why You have made Jesus' words not true for me, but true for many. Do You not want me as a worshipper? Or when I worship, does it even reach You?
Lately, very few of the prayers I have prayed have resulted in answers from You Holy One. I want to let You know that I can't continue like this, walking in the faith of a God who promised things He didn't deliver. I can't worship a God who abuses me, neglects me, or doesn't listen to me. That is madness, and I have gone as far as I can go with my faith and prayers to You about these things.
I asked over and over again about You giving me a path, and a future the same as You promised me Jahweh. I asked and waited, and asked again and again. You either delivered an answer that I do not have the capacity to understand, or You ignored my prayers. That seems cruel, and evil, and not the actions of a good father. So right now, my faith tells me to keep believing that the answer is coming - but my world never changes in accordance with my prayers.
Jesus, You said that God wants to give good things to His children. Where are the things I've asked for, simple things that most people have? You said if I left one family, one home, that I would receive all the more. I did. You said if I was persecuted I would be blessed, and I was persecuted for my faith more than 3 times - and each time it wasn't anything I would wish on anyone. If I have found that blessing as a result of being persecuted, I don't know what it is or how I am supposed to appreciate it in my state.
I don't know what to say anymore to You, God, so how am I supposed to continue to be prayerful and full of faith? Where are the fruits of these prayers? Where are the fruits of that faith I kept in the face of persecution?
I've prayed both alone, and with others. I've prayed away from the whole world, and asking others to help me to pray about these things. Neither action has had ANY result.
I am lost now. I can't continue like this, Lord God. You created me, but I am not convinced any longer that You had a reason for it other than to put me in a pine box, and set me under the earth. If You had a reason, You would have shown me the way when I asked for it.
But it says that You created some for a good purpose, and others for a not so good purpose. So maybe I'm the second kind, I don't know. It would explain why You don't respond when I call out to You, and why my life has been so cursed.
Anyway, I have to be honest with You about my feelings, no matter what people say about it I know that if I'm honest with You about what I'm feeling, and I talk to You in confidence about my feelings its better than simply not praying anymore. To be honest, God, I can't continue to go on praying without seeing results anymore. Clearly either the prayers don't get to You, or You don't care much about me, at least not enough to answer them. So what is the use in praying?
I've found results of prayers I've prayed in the past, - but Lord since then You've turned my world into a desert of faith. There is no rain and no life here. You made my soul a barren land, and You dried up my tree and I can't put forth fruit. Even if I could put forth fruit, who is going to enjoy it? Its pointless, Lord. Totally pointless. And either I'm honest about that, or I continue to live a life in denial of what is simply the case. You're not answering these prayers. You're not reaching back when I reach out. And if it was Your intention to lose me, to cause my soul to wither up: then checkmate, God, You won the game.
I mean, the state of where I am in terms of my happiness has caused me to really have more questions than usual about You, and these questions I often ask You in prayer, but they also go unanswered. And then I think about all the death You ordained, and I'm even more troubled. It seems cruel to me, and I am a man, so I understand through a man's eyes only. You slaughtered women and children and animals, for over 500 years You ordained slaughter after slaughter. And I'm supposed to pray to You for help? I don't understand this.
I don't understand how a good God ordains slaughter. I don't understand how Christ promised that questions would be answered, journeys would reach their ends if we prayed to You, and You ignore so many people.
Its not because I don't have reasons to be thankful that I am bringing this up, God, and I am not trying to anger You. I have reasons to be thankful, and for everything I have I give You praise for creating all those wonderful things and allowing me to experience them. Lord, right now I feel like a blind man who God has given a rainbow to. What am I supposed to do with a rainbow if I can't see it? How am I supposed to enjoy a rainbow without eyes? How is that a fitting gift for me? Isn't it the same as if I had no rainbow?
I can lie and say: God, this is beautiful - but I can't appreciate its beauty, so I can't offer You praise about it that is truthful to my experience. I have so many things in my life that are like that. Every day that goes by I am 'blinder' - and less able to appreciate the good things I have. I have a missing piece You don't seem to want to give me so that I can enjoy these things fully.
Those things that would make me happy now cause me sorrow, because I am without purpose. No matter how delicious a man's last meal is, if he knows he is going to die - it is the same as if it was slop to him - because every taste is filtered through his sorrow. This is the case in my life. Everything is filtered through sorrow, and unanswered questions, and purposelessness that seems to fill me everywhere I go.
I asked You for a purpose in life at least 300 times. At least. I know I have asked more than a thousand times with help of others, and I know I have asked in secret several thousands of times. How many times do I have to ask?
And if I stop asking, what then? How do I differ from the animals You used to slaughter? Their lives were snuffed out often before they bore any children, so they too 'lacked' in their purposes. If I am sent to coffin under the earth without hearing the answer from You regarding these prayers, it is the same as if I had never asked You at all. So then why even create me, why make a man who would pray about these things if You aren't going to answer him?
That also seems cruel. So I am seeking understanding in these things from You Jesus Christ. Please answer me, and give me some peace. Amen.
I don't know why You have ignored me. I don't know why You have made Jesus' words not true for me, but true for many. Do You not want me as a worshipper? Or when I worship, does it even reach You?
Lately, very few of the prayers I have prayed have resulted in answers from You Holy One. I want to let You know that I can't continue like this, walking in the faith of a God who promised things He didn't deliver. I can't worship a God who abuses me, neglects me, or doesn't listen to me. That is madness, and I have gone as far as I can go with my faith and prayers to You about these things.
I asked over and over again about You giving me a path, and a future the same as You promised me Jahweh. I asked and waited, and asked again and again. You either delivered an answer that I do not have the capacity to understand, or You ignored my prayers. That seems cruel, and evil, and not the actions of a good father. So right now, my faith tells me to keep believing that the answer is coming - but my world never changes in accordance with my prayers.
Jesus, You said that God wants to give good things to His children. Where are the things I've asked for, simple things that most people have? You said if I left one family, one home, that I would receive all the more. I did. You said if I was persecuted I would be blessed, and I was persecuted for my faith more than 3 times - and each time it wasn't anything I would wish on anyone. If I have found that blessing as a result of being persecuted, I don't know what it is or how I am supposed to appreciate it in my state.
I don't know what to say anymore to You, God, so how am I supposed to continue to be prayerful and full of faith? Where are the fruits of these prayers? Where are the fruits of that faith I kept in the face of persecution?
I've prayed both alone, and with others. I've prayed away from the whole world, and asking others to help me to pray about these things. Neither action has had ANY result.
I am lost now. I can't continue like this, Lord God. You created me, but I am not convinced any longer that You had a reason for it other than to put me in a pine box, and set me under the earth. If You had a reason, You would have shown me the way when I asked for it.
But it says that You created some for a good purpose, and others for a not so good purpose. So maybe I'm the second kind, I don't know. It would explain why You don't respond when I call out to You, and why my life has been so cursed.
Anyway, I have to be honest with You about my feelings, no matter what people say about it I know that if I'm honest with You about what I'm feeling, and I talk to You in confidence about my feelings its better than simply not praying anymore. To be honest, God, I can't continue to go on praying without seeing results anymore. Clearly either the prayers don't get to You, or You don't care much about me, at least not enough to answer them. So what is the use in praying?
I've found results of prayers I've prayed in the past, - but Lord since then You've turned my world into a desert of faith. There is no rain and no life here. You made my soul a barren land, and You dried up my tree and I can't put forth fruit. Even if I could put forth fruit, who is going to enjoy it? Its pointless, Lord. Totally pointless. And either I'm honest about that, or I continue to live a life in denial of what is simply the case. You're not answering these prayers. You're not reaching back when I reach out. And if it was Your intention to lose me, to cause my soul to wither up: then checkmate, God, You won the game.
I mean, the state of where I am in terms of my happiness has caused me to really have more questions than usual about You, and these questions I often ask You in prayer, but they also go unanswered. And then I think about all the death You ordained, and I'm even more troubled. It seems cruel to me, and I am a man, so I understand through a man's eyes only. You slaughtered women and children and animals, for over 500 years You ordained slaughter after slaughter. And I'm supposed to pray to You for help? I don't understand this.
I don't understand how a good God ordains slaughter. I don't understand how Christ promised that questions would be answered, journeys would reach their ends if we prayed to You, and You ignore so many people.
Its not because I don't have reasons to be thankful that I am bringing this up, God, and I am not trying to anger You. I have reasons to be thankful, and for everything I have I give You praise for creating all those wonderful things and allowing me to experience them. Lord, right now I feel like a blind man who God has given a rainbow to. What am I supposed to do with a rainbow if I can't see it? How am I supposed to enjoy a rainbow without eyes? How is that a fitting gift for me? Isn't it the same as if I had no rainbow?
I can lie and say: God, this is beautiful - but I can't appreciate its beauty, so I can't offer You praise about it that is truthful to my experience. I have so many things in my life that are like that. Every day that goes by I am 'blinder' - and less able to appreciate the good things I have. I have a missing piece You don't seem to want to give me so that I can enjoy these things fully.
Those things that would make me happy now cause me sorrow, because I am without purpose. No matter how delicious a man's last meal is, if he knows he is going to die - it is the same as if it was slop to him - because every taste is filtered through his sorrow. This is the case in my life. Everything is filtered through sorrow, and unanswered questions, and purposelessness that seems to fill me everywhere I go.
I asked You for a purpose in life at least 300 times. At least. I know I have asked more than a thousand times with help of others, and I know I have asked in secret several thousands of times. How many times do I have to ask?
And if I stop asking, what then? How do I differ from the animals You used to slaughter? Their lives were snuffed out often before they bore any children, so they too 'lacked' in their purposes. If I am sent to coffin under the earth without hearing the answer from You regarding these prayers, it is the same as if I had never asked You at all. So then why even create me, why make a man who would pray about these things if You aren't going to answer him?
That also seems cruel. So I am seeking understanding in these things from You Jesus Christ. Please answer me, and give me some peace. Amen.
