Beloved, we hear the deep anguish in your heart, and we are grieved by the weight of sorrow and confusion you are carrying. First, let us address something vital—you have not mentioned the name of Jesus in your plea, yet it is only through Him that we find true peace, healing, and the power to overcome. The Scriptures declare, *"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so now. He alone can break the chains of pain, forgive your sins, and give you new life. *"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved"* (Romans 10:9, WEB). Without Him, there is no lasting freedom or hope.
Now, let us speak truth into your suffering. You are asking, *"What am I doing so wrong to be punished, God?"* But beloved, suffering is not always punishment for personal sin—though we all sin and fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). Sometimes, pain comes because we live in a broken world, or because of the sins of others against us, or even as a refining fire to draw us closer to Christ. The Apostle Peter reminds us, *"Beloved, don’t be astonished at the fiery trial which has come upon you, to test you, as though a strange thing happened to you. But because you are partakers of Christ’s sufferings, rejoice; that at the revelation of his glory you also may rejoice with exceeding joy"* (1 Peter 4:12-13, WEB). Your pain is not in vain if you trust God in the midst of it. He sees you, and He is not silent.
You have expressed feelings of rejection, betrayal, and the cruel weight of being blamed for things beyond your control. The Psalmist David cried out in similar despair: *"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?"* (Psalm 22:1, WEB). Yet even in his agony, David turned to God. You, too, must cling to the Lord, for He is your defender. *"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit"* (Psalm 34:18, WEB). Do not let bitterness take root in your heart. The Scripture warns, *"Be careful that no one falls short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up troubles you, and many be defiled by it"* (Hebrews 12:15, WEB). Forgiveness is not excusing their sin—it is releasing them to God’s justice while freeing *you* from the poison of resentment.
You mentioned abuse—both what you’ve endured and the accusation that you, too, are a victim of another’s abuse. This is a grievous thing, and we want to speak clearly: abuse is *never* your fault. If you have been sinned against in this way, God’s heart breaks for you. He commands, *"Don’t take advantage of the weak, and don’t use your position to crush those who stand in your way in court. The Lord will argue their case for them, and he will rob those who robbed them of their life"* (Proverbs 22:22-23, GNT). You are *not* unlovable, nor are you a burden. The enemy of your soul wants you to believe these lies so you will isolate yourself and despair. But Jesus says, *"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"* (Matthew 11:28-30, WEB).
Now, let us address something delicate but necessary: you said, *"I would rather be alone than unintentionally hurting someone."* While your heart to avoid harm is noble, isolation is not the answer. God did not create us to walk alone. *"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up"* (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, WEB). However, we must also caution you—do not confuse *loneliness* with *godly boundaries*. If those around you are toxic, manipulative, or unwilling to listen to truth, it may be wise to create distance for your own protection. But do not cut yourself off from the body of Christ. *"Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works, not abandoning our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another; and so much the more, as you see the Day approaching"* (Hebrews 10:24-25, WEB). Seek out a Bible-believing church where you can find godly counsel, support, and accountability.
You also said, *"I guess I am the problem."* Stop. This is the voice of condemnation, not conviction. The Holy Spirit convicts to *restore*; the enemy condemns to *destroy*. *"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who don’t walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit"* (Romans 8:1, WEB). If you have repented of your sins—and it sounds as though you have—then you must receive God’s forgiveness and *forgive yourself*. Wallowing in self-blame is a form of pride, for it assumes your sin is greater than God’s grace. But *"where sin abounded, grace abounded more exceedingly"* (Romans 5:20, WEB).
As for those who refuse to hear your side, remember: *"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who is wise listens to counsel"* (Proverbs 12:15, WEB). You cannot force others to see the truth, but you can commit them to God. *"Don’t say, ‘I will do to him as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’"* (Proverbs 24:29, WEB). Vengeance belongs to the Lord (Romans 12:19). Your job is to obey Him, love your enemies, and trust Him to vindicate you in His time.
Lastly, you said, *"Now I can stop trying because it would never be enough."* Oh, beloved, this is the lie of perfectionism and works-based acceptance. You will *never* be "enough" in your own strength—and that’s the point. *"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"* (2 Corinthians 12:9, WEB). Stop striving to earn love or approval from man. Your worth is found in Christ alone.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up this precious soul to You, broken and weary, crying out in the darkness. Lord Jesus, reveal Yourself to them in a fresh and powerful way. If they have not yet surrendered to You, we pray that today would be the day of salvation. Open their eyes to see that You are the only source of true peace, the only One who can heal their wounds and redeem their pain.
Father, we rebuke the spirits of rejection, shame, and self-hatred that have taken root in their heart. By the authority of Jesus Christ, we command these lies to be silenced and cast out. Replace them with Your truth: that they are *loved* (John 3:16), *chosen* (Ephesians 1:4), and *redeemed* (1 Peter 1:18-19). Lord, bind up their broken heart and set them free from the weight of condemnation. If there is unforgiveness in their heart—whether toward others or themselves—we ask You to soften them and grant them the grace to release it all to You.
For those who have hurt them, Lord, we ask for Your justice and mercy. If they are blinded by bitterness or deception, open their eyes to the truth. But even if they never repent, give this beloved one the strength to forgive as You have forgiven them. Protect them from further harm, and surround them with godly people who will speak life and truth into their soul.
Father, if they have been sinned against through abuse, we ask for Your healing touch. Restore what has been stolen. Bring them into a place of safety and peace. If they need professional Christian counseling to walk through this trauma, provide the right person at the right time.
Most of all, Lord, draw them closer to You. Let them know that even if every human relationship fails, *You* will never leave them nor forsake them (Deuteronomy 31:6). Fill them with Your Holy Spirit, that they may walk in victory, not as a victim, but as more than a conqueror through Christ (Romans 8:37).
We ask all this in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Beloved, hold fast to this promise: *"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged"* (Deuteronomy 31:8, WEB). Your pain is real, but so is God’s love for you. Keep seeking Him. Keep trusting Him. And remember: *"Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning"* (Psalm 30:5, WEB). The morning *will* come.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
