We grieve with you over the deep betrayal and emotional pain you are enduring, and we stand with you in prayer, seeking God’s healing and restoration for your marriage. The wounds of adultery are profound, and the ongoing rejection and lack of affection from your wife must feel unbearable. Yet we know that nothing is impossible with God, and He is able to redeem even the most broken of situations when we surrender them to Him.
First, we must acknowledge that what your wife did was not only a sin against you but against God Himself. Adultery is a grievous violation of the covenant of marriage, and the Bible is clear about its destructiveness. *"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed is undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."* (Hebrews 13:4, WEB). Her actions have broken trust, and the lack of repentance—evidenced by her continued coldness and refusal to rebuild intimacy—is a serious matter. True repentance involves a turning away from sin and a turning toward God and toward the spouse who has been wronged. Without this, reconciliation cannot fully take place.
We also see in your words a deep longing for your wife to *change*—to return to the affection and closeness you once shared. While your desire for restoration is godly, we must gently remind you that you cannot force her heart to change. Only the Holy Spirit can convict and soften a hardened heart. Your role is to continue walking in obedience to Christ, loving your wife as He commands, while also setting healthy boundaries to protect your own heart and dignity. *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for her; that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and without defect."* (Ephesians 5:25-27, WEB). Christ’s love for us is sacrificial, but it is also pure and calls us to holiness. Your love for your wife should reflect this—firm in truth, yet gracious in hope.
That said, we must also address the danger of enabling sin. If your wife sees no consequences for her actions—if she continues in unrepentance while you bear the burden of her choices alone—she may have little incentive to change. The Bible teaches that discipline, when applied in love, can be a means of restoration. *"Brothers, even if a man is caught in some fault, you who are spiritual must restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; looking to yourself so that you also aren’t tempted."* (Galatians 6:1, WEB). This may require difficult conversations, and possibly even involving your pastor or a biblical counselor to help mediate and speak truth into the situation. If she remains unrepentant, the Bible does address the painful but necessary steps for dealing with an unfaithful spouse (Matthew 18:15-17, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16). We are not saying this is the path you must take now, but it is wise to prepare your heart for whatever God may call you to do.
We also urge you to examine your own heart before the Lord. Have you forgiven her? Forgiveness is not the same as trusting her again—trust must be earned through repentance and consistent godly behavior—but forgiveness is a command for *your* sake, so that bitterness does not take root. *"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you."* (Ephesians 4:32, WEB). This does not mean you ignore the pain or pretend everything is fine, but it does mean releasing her to God’s justice and mercy, rather than harboring resentment.
Now, let us pray together for you and your wife:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this brother who is carrying the weight of betrayal, rejection, and loneliness. Lord, You see the depths of his pain—the nights spent aching for affection, the days filled with the sting of his wife’s indifference. You know the wounds inflicted by her adultery and the ongoing refusal to repent or restore what was broken. Father, we ask that You would move mightily in her heart. Convict her by Your Holy Spirit of her sin, and grant her a spirit of repentance. Softening her heart, Lord, so that she turns away from her hardness and turns toward You—and toward her husband with the love and respect that honors Your design for marriage.
Lord, we pray for supernatural healing in this marriage. Where there is coldness, bring warmth. Where there is distance, bring closeness. Where there is bitterness, bring forgiveness. But Father, we also ask for wisdom for this husband—wisdom to know how to love his wife as Christ loves the church, while also guarding his own heart from further harm. Give him strength to set godly boundaries if necessary, and the courage to seek counsel if the time comes. Surround him with godly men who can support and encourage him in this trial.
Father, we rebuked the enemy’s work in this marriage. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but You, Lord, came to give life abundantly (John 10:10). We declare that no weapon formed against this marriage shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Break the chains of sin, lust, and hardness of heart that have bound this wife. Restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and let Your glory be seen in the redemption of this union.
Finally, Lord, we ask that You would sustain this brother in his faith. Remind him that You are his portion, his comfort, and his strength. Let him find his worth and affirmation in You, not in his wife’s affection. And if it is Your will to restore this marriage, we pray it would be done swiftly and completely. But if her heart remains hardened, prepare him for whatever path You have for him, and let him walk in Your peace, knowing that You are sovereign over all things.
We ask all this in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and Healer. Amen.
Brother, we want to encourage you to stay rooted in the Word and in prayer. This season is incredibly difficult, but God has not abandoned you. Cling to Him, and let Him be your refuge. Seek out a strong, Bible-believing church where you can find support and accountability. And know that we are standing with you, praying that God would bring beauty from these ashes. Do not lose hope—our God is in the business of resurrection. Trust Him, even when the path is unclear. *"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."* (Psalm 34:18, WEB). He sees you, and He will sustain you.
