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Need4Prayer
Guest
I really really need prayers. I have been raised in a home schooled christian home my whole life. I am now 18 and getting ready to pursue my dreams in New York. My mothers and I's relationship has been wonderful all the way up until I started dating my last boyfriend who was a full blown Narcissist. The more I got into the relationship with the N the more he led me down the wrong path and I started doing things I'd never do. I lied to my parents non stop, closer to the end of the relationship as opposed to the beginning. I was in fights after fights with my boyfriend and my mom lived through them all with me. She cared about me so much. I never truly confided with her about the wrong physical boundaries he pushed with me until after the relationship was over. I never ever lied to my mom through them all with me. She cared about me so much. I never truly confided with her about the wrong physical boundaries he pushed with me until after the relationship was over. I never ever lied to my mom before this relationship. The relationship ended terribly. He lied about him having sex with two girls prior to meeting me and about him being a christian. He hurt me so much. On valentines day I snuck him into my room through my window....first BIG lie. My mom was there for me. Always. She didnt want me to see him because she wanted to protect me ofcourse what any mother wants to do. So I really hadnt talked to him since feb 14th. He tried calling me a few times but I wouldnt answer. We met June during 2010. It was June of this past year and he called me...After everything he put me throught, after all the lies and physical boundaries he pushed I answered the phone. I spent the next 3 or so hours talking to him on the phone. He apologized for everything, said he still loved me missed me thought about me cared about me...etc and he wanted to be back in my life. He then asked who the real Molly was because I was normally a funny happy girl but whenever we were physical I got uptight. Which by the way I am proud to say I am most definitely still a virgin praise the Lord Jesus. I loved him asking that because he was turning the whole thing onto it being my fault. He also said on the phone how he still was praying everynight..etc...throught the end of the breakup in which I lost alot of people to him whom I thought were friends I prayed for him constantly to truly find Christ. I got off the phone that night with him. Ofcourse I didn't tell my mom. Two days after I get to hear he did everything but have actual sex with one of the girls I thought was my good friend. I was full of disgust and sadness. So much so that at the last week of June I at age 17 brought two 15 year old boys to silly string my ex bf's car. I wasn't out to hurt anyone. It was one of the two kids ideas and I thought it would be funny. The one kid wanted to write I like goldfish in window paint on the side window. I pulled in and let them out but didn't do any of the car myself. What I thought would be something silly turned into my Summer of complete and utter hell. Its amazing how one little thing...one little lie can spiral into more and more..you avoid talking about things to just not hurt someone but then the truth always comes out and you end up hurting them anyways. Anyways as soon as I started to drive out of the parking lot my ex comes out of the apartment and chases after my car. He called me and my first words were a lie. I said that I was in chicago and that I didn't even have my car. I drove both boys home and he has his mom call the cops on me. They call my phone and he gave them my sisters name. I apologized and said it will never happen again. It took me a whole day before I told my mom...part of the story. It took me fromn about 9:30-10pm to about 4am to get the whole story out to my parents. It still wasn't the whole truth. The whole truth was I had also did another ex friend of mines car before my ex bf. But anyways my mom was furious. As well she should have been. The next day she had me writing essays about what happened...etc then I got an email from someone whom I thought was an adult friend of mine saying that I was not welcome to be an instructor for a theatre group because I am not a good role model for kids. My mom exploded. The fact of my reputation being ruined killed her. She couldn't handle it. She loves me. She couldn't stand thinking that my ex and all my ex friends could sit around talking and laughing about me. My mom truly hated me. She wished herself dead. She kicked me out of the home. She cancelled my going away party. I spent the weekend at my sisters. Then in order for me to get a car for work and only work I had to move back home. So I did. My phone was taken away. I decided it'd be best to go and apologize to everyone and tell the truth. I went and apologzied to my ex and his friends, the boys parents, and the adult friend who emailed me. My dad along my side with me. I was also accused of doing my ex friends car which I did....but I said I didn't so my dad along with me stuck up for me saying I didn't do this one kids care. I allowed my whole family to believe this. I I lied...continually because I was so scared. But that is NOT an excuse. So now we are into July...Nothing much happened besides I worked night and day everyday. My moms and I's relationship wasn't the same....It was terrible. Right when our relationship was starting to get back to normal I told her about the phone call before I did his car. She was soooooooooooo upset and so dissapointed. Once again I don't blame her. I felt so upset and so angry at allowing myself to do what I did and to allow what happened. But that sadness only continued. So I continued to nonstop work and slowly and surely my relationship with my mom grew and I got over Adam..etc...Then two weeks ago from this last Saturday I went to a friends house and they were drinking. They are of age. I am not. They offered to let me try the drink and I did. I do not drink. I do not have to do it to be happy, my body is the temple of the holy spirit plus its illegal for me too. I came home 20 minutes late from my curfew. Second week in a row.....Why did I do that!? After everything I did all Summer. After everything I am truly sorry for. After everything I put my family and mom through....why?! So I told my mom....and after about 4 days we were okay again...and now today....my ex friend called my sister about wanting to be my friend again because we are both going to the same school. Anyways my sister asked me if I did his car back in june. I said yes. My sister told my mom and my mom can't trust me anymore. She said she can't get over the fact that everytime she forgives me and moves on something else gets brought up. I completely understand. I feel so sad. This whole summer has been terrible. Its my last summer here in home depending on where God brings me. I can't believe how stupid I've been. The way I have behaved was how my ex bf behaved. It has NOT been the true me. I am not a liar. I love my family so much. But...all of this has happened and I screwed up just two weeks ago. I truly believe that I've finally over the ex. I need prayers for myself. For my mom and family. For me and my moms relationship. For me and my families relationship!!!! Please I need all the help I can get!! I hate continually screwing up. I'm done lieing. Thats why I'm asking for prayers today!!!
