Liana256
Beloved Servant
God and Jesus, I can’t sleep tonight. Carl, my so called husband, he is fake, he is fake to me and all who dwell in this home with me, he wishes I were someone else, and I pray and I wish I was me because I would be long gone with my children if I were who God made me. He knows it too. He’s scared I’m going to leave him too and I am going to leave him eventually, it’s a matter of when. Years ago when we went to church, he was a drug addict, and his moma paid the bills for us, I was talking to the Deacon of the church and I told him what was going on and why I needed help, because my husband was on drugs and I didn’t have a job and I was pregnant, now I have a job, and I pray for a divorce, then I prayed for Carl to be off of drugs and to be a dad to our kids, but now he is off of drugs and is around more, I pray for a divorce, because it is my prayer he is here, so now, I pray he go, I pray he will leave me and my children alone. I am not a happily married woman and I deserve to be with someone who truly loves me and is good to me. But, I would prefer to be happily ever after with God and Jesus, and mine people, my children, and my close family and relatives, true followers of Jesus. He tries to turn my children against me, trying to fill my head with his lies when I know better, my Moma taught me about Jesus when I was little and growing up in church, Carl is trying to fill our heads with lies, verbal abuse, etc. I have given up on being married to Carl. I don’t won’t to try and work things out with him, I don’t have the money for divorce and I deserve someone more kinder, so do my children and it’s my fault for being here with him and I want out of this marriage. I ain’t perfect, I am a sinner, and I know this much, and I do believe Jesus is God and Jesus is the son of God, and I know God is coming back in Jesus with great power. I need to try to meditate on Gods word more. I am going to pick myself up and fix me, and build my confidence and self esteem up by fasting here and their, and keep praying on it until it comes true. I am going to meditate on God’s word. I have never understood how someone can say this is my child and it be not, I know about being adopted in, but how can one simply say you are my child when adopted in when your not blood and ignore your own child, your own flesh and blood? Did Jesus not shed his blood because his own disciple betray him? Jesus’ own father in Heaven forsaken him? And who betrayed Judas? And why? Just to talk to Jesus because of who he is? We’re they afraid he was telling the truth about him being Gods son? Did God have an advocate with him at the time Jesus was being crucified? I’ve never liked liars or thieves. Shouldn’t we learn what was taught? Is blood really thicker than water? Even me and my brother growing up didn’t get the same treatment as my step sisters and step brother got from their dads, is it because we are stepchildren? Yes, it was! And yet, we got what we needed from our mother. Such a wise woman, very shy and quiet. I do believe I love my mother verily much! If it weren’t for her keeping me, I’d be lost. Thank you God for you and Jesus and my mother and my brother and all in my life. Jesus, In your name, I pray. Amen
