Please pray fervently on my behalf. My mother exhibits an exceedingly negative demeanor. Despite my numerous attempts to enhance my circumstances and overall life, she persistently criticizes me. She often pretends to offer me guidance, which I diligently adhere to, yet she claims that I do not follow her counsel. Subsequently, she utters hurtful remarks regarding my current situation, asserting that it remains stagnant due to my failure to heed her advice. Whenever I confide in her about a challenge I am facing, she weaponizes that information to make me feel inferior. I ask for prayers that she swiftly alters her behavior, as I can no longer endure her detrimental conduct and disparaging comments. She frequently yells at me over the phone and subjects me to verbal abuse.
Mother continued abuse needs to stop
- Thread starter Elodie
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We hear your cry and we stand with you before the throne of grace, seeking God's will together in Jesus' name for relief from this painful pattern with your mother. What you describe, constant criticism, saying you do not follow counsel when you have diligently tried to, weaponizing what you share in confidence to make you feel inferior, and yelling and verbal abuse over the phone, is deeply hurtful and it is not pleasing to the Lord. God calls us to speak truth in love and to build one another up, not to tear down.
Scripture teaches us to honor our father and mother, for this is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth, Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:2. At the same time God clearly commands parents not to provoke their children, Ephesians 6:4 says Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and Colossians 3:21 says Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they will not be discouraged. A harsh tongue, yelling, and using hurtful words to wound a child, even an adult child, violates God's design for love in the family. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, and Proverbs 18:21 teaches that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Your mother's behavior is sin against God and against you, and we gently but firmly rebuke that verbal abuse and manipulation as wrong. To pretend to offer guidance and then condemn you for not following it, and to use your vulnerable sharing as a weapon, is deceitful and unkind, and God calls all of us to put away such things.
We also want to lovingly share that you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request, and we want to make sure you know that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you have not already done so, we encourage you to put your trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is in His name alone that we pray and find healing and strength.
We encourage you to continue to honor your mother as God commands, but honoring does not mean enduring unending abuse without boundaries. Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Sometimes being at peace requires loving limits. It is wise and biblical to set boundaries on phone calls, to calmly end a conversation when yelling begins, and to be careful about what you confide until trust is rebuilt. You can respond with gentleness and respect while also protecting your heart. We encourage you to seek wise, godly counsel from a pastor or mature believer who can walk with you in person, and to bring your pain honestly to the Lord, for He is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit, Psalm 34:18. We also encourage you to forgive as Christ forgave us, not because the hurt is small, but because forgiveness frees your heart, yet forgiveness does not require you to remain in a position to be continually wounded. We are called to love even those who hurt us and to pray for them, Matthew 5:44 says love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, and that includes praying for a mother's heart to be softened.
We lift you up now in prayer together.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and mediator. We cast all our anxiety on You because You care for us, 1 Peter 5:7, and we ask You to see our dear one who is weary from constant criticism and verbal abuse. Lord, You know the sting of every harsh word, every time confidence was broken and used to inflict shame, and every phone call that ended in yelling. We ask You to bring comfort and healing to this wounded heart, to remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and deeply loved by You. Grant them wisdom to walk in both honor and truth, to speak with grace and to set healthy boundaries that protect their peace without dishonoring their mother. Give them strength to not internalize lies, but to find their identity in Christ alone.
We also pray for their mother, Lord. We ask that You convict her heart where she has sinned with her tongue and her attitude, that You would soften her and lead her to repentance, that she would speak with kindness and truth and nurture rather than provoke and discourage. Lord, transform this relationship by Your power, where it is Your will, and where change is slow, give supernatural patience and protection. Help our dear one to not be anxious, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, to let their requests be made known to You, and let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard their heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:6-7. We ask all this in the precious and powerful name of Jesus, our Savior, Amen.
We encourage you to keep seeking the Lord daily, to stay in His Word, and to remember that God sees your diligent efforts to improve your life even when your mother does not. Do not grow weary in doing good. Keep praying for your mother, keep loving her with Christ's love from a safe and wise distance when needed, and trust that God is your defender and comforter. We are continuing to pray fervently with you that God will bring swift change, healing, and peace.
Scripture teaches us to honor our father and mother, for this is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth, Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:2. At the same time God clearly commands parents not to provoke their children, Ephesians 6:4 says Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and Colossians 3:21 says Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they will not be discouraged. A harsh tongue, yelling, and using hurtful words to wound a child, even an adult child, violates God's design for love in the family. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, and Proverbs 18:21 teaches that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Your mother's behavior is sin against God and against you, and we gently but firmly rebuke that verbal abuse and manipulation as wrong. To pretend to offer guidance and then condemn you for not following it, and to use your vulnerable sharing as a weapon, is deceitful and unkind, and God calls all of us to put away such things.
We also want to lovingly share that you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request, and we want to make sure you know that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you have not already done so, we encourage you to put your trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is in His name alone that we pray and find healing and strength.
We encourage you to continue to honor your mother as God commands, but honoring does not mean enduring unending abuse without boundaries. Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Sometimes being at peace requires loving limits. It is wise and biblical to set boundaries on phone calls, to calmly end a conversation when yelling begins, and to be careful about what you confide until trust is rebuilt. You can respond with gentleness and respect while also protecting your heart. We encourage you to seek wise, godly counsel from a pastor or mature believer who can walk with you in person, and to bring your pain honestly to the Lord, for He is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit, Psalm 34:18. We also encourage you to forgive as Christ forgave us, not because the hurt is small, but because forgiveness frees your heart, yet forgiveness does not require you to remain in a position to be continually wounded. We are called to love even those who hurt us and to pray for them, Matthew 5:44 says love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, and that includes praying for a mother's heart to be softened.
We lift you up now in prayer together.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and mediator. We cast all our anxiety on You because You care for us, 1 Peter 5:7, and we ask You to see our dear one who is weary from constant criticism and verbal abuse. Lord, You know the sting of every harsh word, every time confidence was broken and used to inflict shame, and every phone call that ended in yelling. We ask You to bring comfort and healing to this wounded heart, to remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and deeply loved by You. Grant them wisdom to walk in both honor and truth, to speak with grace and to set healthy boundaries that protect their peace without dishonoring their mother. Give them strength to not internalize lies, but to find their identity in Christ alone.
We also pray for their mother, Lord. We ask that You convict her heart where she has sinned with her tongue and her attitude, that You would soften her and lead her to repentance, that she would speak with kindness and truth and nurture rather than provoke and discourage. Lord, transform this relationship by Your power, where it is Your will, and where change is slow, give supernatural patience and protection. Help our dear one to not be anxious, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, to let their requests be made known to You, and let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard their heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:6-7. We ask all this in the precious and powerful name of Jesus, our Savior, Amen.
We encourage you to keep seeking the Lord daily, to stay in His Word, and to remember that God sees your diligent efforts to improve your life even when your mother does not. Do not grow weary in doing good. Keep praying for your mother, keep loving her with Christ's love from a safe and wise distance when needed, and trust that God is your defender and comforter. We are continuing to pray fervently with you that God will bring swift change, healing, and peace.
If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and trained people are ready to help right now.
We are grateful you reached out and told us what you have been carrying. Being constantly criticized, having guidance you try to follow turned against you, and having private things you share used to make you feel small is exhausting and painful. Being yelled at over the phone is not something you should have to endure.
What you describe fits a pattern where words are used to control and tear down. That kind of ongoing hurt can wear away confidence and leave you questioning yourself, even when you are trying hard to move forward. It makes sense you feel worn down.
One gentle next step that helps many in this kind of situation is to create a little more safety around contact. You might decide ahead of time how long you will stay on a call, what you will do if yelling begins, and who you can reach out to right after. It can also help to talk with a trusted pastor, counselor or safe family member who can listen in person and help you think through boundaries and next steps. We encourage you to reach out for that kind of support alongside prayer, especially if you ever feel unsafe.
Father, we lift this person to You. Please surround them with safety and with people who listen with kindness. Give them wisdom for each conversation, strength to set needed boundaries, and rest for their heart. Show them their worth in Your eyes and lead them toward healing and peace. In Jesus name, amen.
We are grateful you reached out and told us what you have been carrying. Being constantly criticized, having guidance you try to follow turned against you, and having private things you share used to make you feel small is exhausting and painful. Being yelled at over the phone is not something you should have to endure.
What you describe fits a pattern where words are used to control and tear down. That kind of ongoing hurt can wear away confidence and leave you questioning yourself, even when you are trying hard to move forward. It makes sense you feel worn down.
One gentle next step that helps many in this kind of situation is to create a little more safety around contact. You might decide ahead of time how long you will stay on a call, what you will do if yelling begins, and who you can reach out to right after. It can also help to talk with a trusted pastor, counselor or safe family member who can listen in person and help you think through boundaries and next steps. We encourage you to reach out for that kind of support alongside prayer, especially if you ever feel unsafe.
Father, we lift this person to You. Please surround them with safety and with people who listen with kindness. Give them wisdom for each conversation, strength to set needed boundaries, and rest for their heart. Show them their worth in Your eyes and lead them toward healing and peace. In Jesus name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your burden has been heard with sorrow of heart and we bring it before the Lord with earnest prayer on your behalf.
We have entreated the great Physician who healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds, that He would look upon your affliction and grant you healing. As it is written, the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing that comes from Christ has virtue in it to heal. There is not a word that falls from His lips but bears healing for some one of the thousand ills of our humanity. We pray that His sacred influence may descend upon you now as leaves fall from the tree, to calm the agitation of your bosom, to take the furrow from your brow and to give joy to your troubled countenance.
We pray for you, that the Lord would preserve your soul from all evil, that He would keep you from the hurt of these wounding words, and that He would give you wisdom and strength to walk uprightly before Him. When you have sought to do well and to follow counsel in good faith, and have been met with criticism and harsh speech, the Lord sees and knows. He is the One who can extricate the shot from the wounded soldier and apply the certain ointment to heal the wound. Bring your grief to Him in prayer each morning and evening, for He hears the cry of the afflicted and He will be your refuge.
We pray also for your mother, that the Lord would work in her heart by His grace, that He would soften what is hard, and turn away the spirit of harshness and accusation. We ask that He would grant her to see the power of her words, that she would repent of speaking in wrath and of weaponizing what has been confided in trust, and that she would learn to speak with kindness and truth. We pray that the Lord would swiftly bring forth a change in her demeanor, that yelling and verbal abuse would cease, and that peace would be given in your relationship so far as it depends upon His mercy.
In the meantime, seek the Lord for wisdom to order your ways with both honour and holiness. The command to honour father and mother remains, but honour does not require you to remain without protection under continual verbal abuse. It is wise and right to set needful boundaries, to limit or to end a phone call when it becomes abusive, to seek the counsel and presence of a faithful pastor or mature believers in your local church, and to seek help from those who can walk with you and give godly guidance. Do not confide tender matters to one who has used them to make you feel inferior, but pour out your heart to the Lord and to those who will keep confidence and speak the truth in love.
We pray that you may know that pardon and healing come from the same hand. Christ who forgives sin also heals the sickness of the soul, and He can breathe into you at this very hour a peace which passes all understanding. Cast your care upon Him, for He careth for you. May the Lord lift you up as He took Peter's wife's mother by the hand and lifted her up from the fever, and may He restore you to strength that you may serve Him with quietness of spirit.
We will continue to pray fervently for you, that the Lord would keep you, heal you, and in His good time bring reconciliation and kindness where there has been harshness, and that you may be preserved in purity and uprightness from all the devices of the evil one.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace. Amen.
We have entreated the great Physician who healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds, that He would look upon your affliction and grant you healing. As it is written, the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing that comes from Christ has virtue in it to heal. There is not a word that falls from His lips but bears healing for some one of the thousand ills of our humanity. We pray that His sacred influence may descend upon you now as leaves fall from the tree, to calm the agitation of your bosom, to take the furrow from your brow and to give joy to your troubled countenance.
We pray for you, that the Lord would preserve your soul from all evil, that He would keep you from the hurt of these wounding words, and that He would give you wisdom and strength to walk uprightly before Him. When you have sought to do well and to follow counsel in good faith, and have been met with criticism and harsh speech, the Lord sees and knows. He is the One who can extricate the shot from the wounded soldier and apply the certain ointment to heal the wound. Bring your grief to Him in prayer each morning and evening, for He hears the cry of the afflicted and He will be your refuge.
We pray also for your mother, that the Lord would work in her heart by His grace, that He would soften what is hard, and turn away the spirit of harshness and accusation. We ask that He would grant her to see the power of her words, that she would repent of speaking in wrath and of weaponizing what has been confided in trust, and that she would learn to speak with kindness and truth. We pray that the Lord would swiftly bring forth a change in her demeanor, that yelling and verbal abuse would cease, and that peace would be given in your relationship so far as it depends upon His mercy.
In the meantime, seek the Lord for wisdom to order your ways with both honour and holiness. The command to honour father and mother remains, but honour does not require you to remain without protection under continual verbal abuse. It is wise and right to set needful boundaries, to limit or to end a phone call when it becomes abusive, to seek the counsel and presence of a faithful pastor or mature believers in your local church, and to seek help from those who can walk with you and give godly guidance. Do not confide tender matters to one who has used them to make you feel inferior, but pour out your heart to the Lord and to those who will keep confidence and speak the truth in love.
We pray that you may know that pardon and healing come from the same hand. Christ who forgives sin also heals the sickness of the soul, and He can breathe into you at this very hour a peace which passes all understanding. Cast your care upon Him, for He careth for you. May the Lord lift you up as He took Peter's wife's mother by the hand and lifted her up from the fever, and may He restore you to strength that you may serve Him with quietness of spirit.
We will continue to pray fervently for you, that the Lord would keep you, heal you, and in His good time bring reconciliation and kindness where there has been harshness, and that you may be preserved in purity and uprightness from all the devices of the evil one.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace. Amen.
