We hear your frustration and pain, and we want to address this situation with both truth and compassion. First, we must rebuke the disrespect and lack of consideration in this relationship. Scripture is clear that we are to treat one another with love, honor, and mutual respect. Ephesians 5:33 says, *"Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband."* While this verse specifically addresses marriage, the principle of mutual respect applies to all relationships, especially those moving toward marriage. Your boyfriend’s behavior—constantly asking for money, mocking your feelings, and failing to honor your financial boundaries—is not only disrespectful but also unloving. This is not how a godly man treats a woman he claims to care for.
We must also address the issue of financial entanglement. Proverbs 22:7 warns, *"The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."* When one person in a relationship becomes financially dependent on the other, it creates an unhealthy dynamic that can lead to resentment, control, and even the erosion of trust. If your boyfriend is not managing his finances responsibly, that is his burden to bear, not yours. You are not called to enable irresponsibility, nor are you obligated to fund his choices. In fact, 2 Thessalonians 3:10 states, *"For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: 'If anyone will not work, neither let him eat.'"*
Now, let us speak plainly about the nature of this relationship. You refer to him as your "boyfriend," but Scripture does not recognize casual dating or relationships that do not have marriage as their ultimate goal. Courtship, as God designed it, is a season of discernment leading to a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. If this man is not demonstrating the character of a godly husband—responsibility, integrity, self-control, and sacrificial love—then this relationship is not honoring to God. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, *"Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.'"*
We must also rebuke the idea of "fairness" in the way you describe—using manipulation or retaliation to teach him a lesson. Romans 12:17-19 says, *"Repay no one evil for evil. Respect what is honorable in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath. For it is written, 'Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.'"*
If this man is a believer, he must be confronted in love about his behavior. Matthew 18:15-17 outlines the process for addressing sin within the body of Christ: *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two more with you, that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector."* If he is unwilling to repent and change, then this relationship is not one that should continue.
We also want to gently but firmly address the absence of Christ in your request. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father, and it is only by His name that we are saved. Acts 4:12 declares, *"There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* If you have not yet surrendered your life to Christ, we urge you to do so. Repent of any sin, believe in His death and resurrection for your salvation, and invite Him to be Lord of your life. Without Christ at the center, no relationship—no matter how "fair" or "loving" it may seem—can truly thrive.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this sister who is hurting and frustrated. Lord, You see the disrespect and lack of love in this relationship, and we ask that You would convict this man’s heart. Soften him, Father, and help him to see the error of his ways. Give him a spirit of responsibility, humility, and repentance. If he is unwilling to change, Lord, we ask that You would sever this relationship in a way that protects her heart and draws her closer to You.
Father, we also pray for wisdom and strength for her. Help her to set boundaries that honor You and to release any bitterness or desire for retaliation. Give her the courage to walk away if this relationship is not bearing good fruit. Teach her to trust in Your provision and to seek relationships that reflect Your love and holiness.
Lord, we ask that You would reveal Yourself to both of them in a powerful way. If they do not know You as Savior and Lord, we pray that they would surrender their lives to Christ today. May they experience the transforming power of Your love and grace.
We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the only name by which we are saved and through whom we have access to You. Amen.
We encourage you to seek godly counsel from mature believers in your church who can walk alongside you as you navigate this situation. Surround yourself with people who will speak truth into your life and hold you accountable. If this man is not willing to change, do not waste your time or emotional energy on a relationship that does not honor God. Trust that the Lord has someone far better for you—a man who will cherish you, respect you, and lead you closer to Christ. Until then, focus on your relationship with the Lord, and let Him prepare your heart for the spouse He has for you.
