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Our hearts ache deeply for the pain and betrayal you are enduring, and we stand with you in this time of suffering. The behavior your husband is exhibiting is not only sinful but also emotionally and spiritually destructive—both to you and to the covenant of marriage that God has established. The Lord does not call you to endure abuse or unfaithfulness, nor does He delight in your suffering. Let us turn to Scripture to understand God’s heart in this matter and how you should respond.
The Bible is clear that marriage is a sacred bond, meant to reflect Christ’s love for His Church—a love that is faithful, selfless, and pure. In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded, *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for her."* Your husband’s actions are in direct rebellion against this command. His words and behaviors—whether the claims of infidelity, the verbal abuse, or the physical degradation of spitting on you—are not only sinful but also demonic in nature. Such actions grieve the Holy Spirit and defile the marriage bed, which Hebrews 13:4 tells us should be kept *"undefiled."* Adultery, whether actual or threatened as a weapon, is an abomination before God (Proverbs 6:32). Likewise, his anger and abuse are not from the Lord. James 1:20 warns, *"For the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God."*
You may be asking, *"Why must I bear this?"* But let us be clear: **you are not called to endure abuse or unrepentant sin in your marriage.** God does not require you to stay in a situation where your safety—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—is at risk. In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul writes, *"Yet if the unbeliever departs, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace."* While your husband may claim to be a believer, his actions reveal a heart that is far from God. If he is unrepentant and refuses to turn from his sin, you are not obligated to remain in harm’s way. Your well-being matters to God, and He does not want you to be destroyed by another’s sin.
That said, we also recognize that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and His desire is for reconciliation—**but only if there is genuine repentance.** True repentance involves turning away from sin, seeking forgiveness, and bearing fruit in keeping with repentance (Matthew 3:8). If your husband is not willing to repent, seek counseling, and submit to God’s authority in this area, then you must prayerfully consider what boundaries are necessary to protect yourself and your walk with Christ. This may include separation, involving church leadership, or, as a last resort, divorce if he remains hardened in his sin. You are not responsible for his choices, but you *are* responsible for how you respond to them in a way that honors God.
We also urge you to examine your own heart before the Lord. Have you enabled this behavior by staying silent or making excuses for him? Have you sought help from your church or trusted believers who can hold him accountable? It is not wrong to love your husband, but love does not mean tolerating sin. Proverbs 27:5-6 says, *"Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are profuse."* Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to confront sin and set boundaries that may wake him up to the gravity of his actions.
Lastly, we must address the question of *"Why, God?"* Suffering is never easy to understand, but Scripture assures us that God uses even the most painful circumstances for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). This trial may be refining your faith, teaching you to rely fully on Christ, or preparing you for a future ministry to others who suffer similarly. But make no mistake: **God sees your tears, hears your cries, and is not indifferent to your pain.** Psalm 56:8 says, *"You number my wanderings. You put my tears into your container. Aren’t they in your book?"* He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He will be your strength in this storm.
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Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our sister to You, knowing that You are a God of justice, mercy, and unfailing love. Lord, her heart is broken, her spirit is wounded, and she feels the weight of betrayal and abuse that no spouse should ever endure. We ask that You would be her Comforter, her Strength, and her Shield in this time. Surround her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding, and let her know that she is not alone—You see her, You love her, and You will vindicate her in Your perfect timing.
Father, we rebuke the spirit of adultery, deception, and violence that has taken root in her husband’s heart. These are not from You, but from the enemy, who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. We bind these evil influences in the name of Jesus and command them to flee. Lord, soften her husband’s heart. Bring him to true repentance—not just sorrow for being caught, but godly sorrow that leads to life (2 Corinthians 7:10). If he refuses to repent, Lord, give our sister the wisdom and courage to take the steps necessary to protect herself and her walk with You. Show her whether to stay and fight for the marriage with godly boundaries or to step away for her own well-being.
Father, we ask that You would provide godly counsel for her—whether through her church, a biblical counselor, or trusted believers who can walk alongside her. Give her discernment to know who to trust and who to avoid. Heal the wounds in her heart, Lord, and restore her joy. Let her find her identity and worth in You alone, not in her husband’s approval or the state of her marriage.
We also pray for her husband, that You would pursue him relentlessly. Strip away his pride, his anger, and his hardness of heart. Let him see the destruction his sin is causing and turn to You in broken repentance. If he is unsaved, Lord, save him! Draw him to Yourself, that he may be a new creation in Christ.
Finally, Father, we ask that You would use this trial for Your glory. Let our sister’s testimony be one of Your faithfulness, Your justice, and Your redemption. Strengthen her to forgive—not because her husband deserves it, but because You have forgiven her. Give her the grace to release this burden to You and trust that You will make all things right.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
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Our sister, we urge you to take action. Do not suffer in silence. Reach out to your pastor or a biblical counselor who can help you navigate this situation with wisdom. If you are in physical danger, please seek safety immediately. You are precious to God, and He does not want you to remain in harm’s way.
We also encourage you to spend time in God’s Word, especially the Psalms, where you will find comfort in the cries of David and others who have walked through deep suffering. Cling to Jesus, who was betrayed, mocked, and abandoned—yet who triumphed over sin and death. He understands your pain, and He will carry you through this.
Stand firm in your faith. Do not let bitterness take root, but trust that God will bring justice. Whether your husband repents or not, your hope is in Christ alone. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Walk in obedience, seek godly counsel, and trust that the Lord will guide your steps. You are not alone in this. We are standing with you in prayer.
Oh, dear sister, our hearts ache for you too. We're so sorry that you're going through this. It's not fair, and it's not right. We want you to know that you're not alone. We're here for you, and so is God.
We've been praying for you, and we want to encourage you. First, remember that God sees you. He sees your tears, He hears your cries, and He's not indifferent to your pain. He's right there with you, and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Second, we want to remind you of God's love for you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for you. That love is not based on your husband's actions or your circumstances. It's based on who you are in Christ.
Third, we want to encourage you to trust God with this situation. It's hard, and it's confusing, but God is in control. He's working all things together for your good and His glory. He might be using this trial to refine your faith, to teach you to rely fully on Him, or to prepare you for a future ministry to others who suffer similarly.
Lastly, we want to remind you to take care of yourself. You're not called to endure abuse or unrepentant sin. If your husband is unrepentant and refuses to turn from his sin, you are not obligated to remain in harm's way. Your well-being matters to God, and He doesn't want you to be destroyed by another's sin.
We're here for you, and we'll keep praying for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.