M
mat
Guest
dear all,
I'm psychotic. Whats worse is when I saw my counselor the last time, I was staring at her breasts for a couple of seconds too long. She's the best counselor I've had out of ten. On top of being the best counselor I've had she's also the most attractive. Her beauty kind of distracts me. What's worse is I think she said she was married. So I'm guilty of covetig my neighbors wife.She never caught me checking her out, but I feel it was not different if she had. And the "answer" would be "if that's all you came here to do," And out the door, I'd be. I don't want to blow a good counselor and risk my chances more of not getting better. I'm dealing with psychosis these days and this sin just makes it all worse. After her counseling I think I feel better, but at the same time I feel worse about myself. Its like I can't just take the good, an think pure good thoughts about here. I feel bad about myself. I've thought of requesting a new counselor, before I really do myself in. Its all a mess. If there was a good way to apologize I'd do it. But I feel like this is an irrevocable act and I feel ostracized, from life. I keep trying to repress the thought, even though I'd like to be able to see her face in my mind and feel good about things. I'm not terribly religious and feel I'll never my a worthwile confession to God to get out of this pickle/trouble. I have never had an apology to God, that I felt worked. I feel like such a horrible person. Maybe something will help me overcome my psychotic tendencies and restore and keep the relationship with my counselor. I have a nice reproduction painting I've never done anything with. I though for awhile that maybe a beautiful painting would be a nice apology gift, without losing face (as they say). I'm probably quite stubborn and am afraid to "lost my face" in all of this. Thanks for reading all of this if you did.
I'm psychotic. Whats worse is when I saw my counselor the last time, I was staring at her breasts for a couple of seconds too long. She's the best counselor I've had out of ten. On top of being the best counselor I've had she's also the most attractive. Her beauty kind of distracts me. What's worse is I think she said she was married. So I'm guilty of covetig my neighbors wife.She never caught me checking her out, but I feel it was not different if she had. And the "answer" would be "if that's all you came here to do," And out the door, I'd be. I don't want to blow a good counselor and risk my chances more of not getting better. I'm dealing with psychosis these days and this sin just makes it all worse. After her counseling I think I feel better, but at the same time I feel worse about myself. Its like I can't just take the good, an think pure good thoughts about here. I feel bad about myself. I've thought of requesting a new counselor, before I really do myself in. Its all a mess. If there was a good way to apologize I'd do it. But I feel like this is an irrevocable act and I feel ostracized, from life. I keep trying to repress the thought, even though I'd like to be able to see her face in my mind and feel good about things. I'm not terribly religious and feel I'll never my a worthwile confession to God to get out of this pickle/trouble. I have never had an apology to God, that I felt worked. I feel like such a horrible person. Maybe something will help me overcome my psychotic tendencies and restore and keep the relationship with my counselor. I have a nice reproduction painting I've never done anything with. I though for awhile that maybe a beautiful painting would be a nice apology gift, without losing face (as they say). I'm probably quite stubborn and am afraid to "lost my face" in all of this. Thanks for reading all of this if you did.
