We hear your struggle with these questions, and we want to address them with truth, love, and the wisdom of Scripture. First, let us affirm that every person is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and has inherent value and dignity, regardless of their past. The world often measures worth by human standards—appearance, experiences, or even mistakes—but God’s standard is different. He looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and offers redemption to all who turn to Him.
The idea that a "real man" would not want someone because of their past is not a biblical concept. It stems from pride, judgment, and a misunderstanding of God’s grace. The Bible does not teach that a person’s value is tied to their sexual history. Instead, it teaches that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and that Christ came to save sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). If we are to judge others by their past, then none of us would be worthy of love or relationship, for we have all fallen short in some way.
Now, let us address the issue of sexual purity, as it is a critical aspect of God’s design for relationships. The Bible is clear that sex is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman (Hebrews 13:4). Any sexual activity outside of marriage—whether fornication (sex before marriage) or adultery (sex outside of marriage)—is sin (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). This is not to shame or condemn, but to call all of us to align our lives with God’s holy standards. If you or anyone reading this has struggled with sexual sin, know that God’s grace is sufficient to cover it. Confess your sins, repent, and trust in His forgiveness (1 John 1:9). God’s mercy is greater than any mistake, and He offers a fresh start to all who seek Him.
The question of whether a man must also be a virgin to expect purity in his future marriage is a common one. The Bible does not require that both spouses be virgins before marriage, but it does call both men and women to purity and holiness. In 1 Corinthians 7:2, Paul writes, "But, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." This verse emphasizes the importance of marriage as God’s design for sexual fulfillment, and it applies to both men and women. Purity is not just a standard for women; it is a calling for all believers. A godly man will value purity in himself and his future spouse, not because he is perfect, but because he seeks to honor God in all areas of his life.
If you are seeking a spouse, we encourage you to look for someone who shares your faith in Jesus Christ and your commitment to living according to God’s Word. A godly marriage is built on mutual respect, love, and a shared desire to follow Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul writes, "Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" This principle applies to all areas of life, including marriage. A believer should not pursue a romantic relationship with someone who does not share their faith, as this can lead to spiritual conflict and compromise.
Let us also address the idea of shame or condemnation. If you have struggled with sexual sin in the past, do not let the enemy lie to you and tell you that you are unworthy of love or a godly marriage. Jesus came to set you free from shame and guilt. In John 8:10-11, Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery, "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way. From now on, sin no more." Jesus does not condemn you; He calls you to walk in freedom and holiness. If you have not yet placed your faith in Jesus Christ, we urge you to do so. Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12). Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved (Acts 16:31).
Now, let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with hearts that seek Your truth and Your will. Lord, we thank You for Your grace and mercy, which cover all our sins. We ask that You would help us to see ourselves and others through Your eyes, not through the lens of human judgment or shame. Father, we pray for anyone who is struggling with the weight of past mistakes, particularly in the area of sexual sin. We ask that You would remind them of Your forgiveness and Your love. Help them to walk in the freedom that Christ offers and to live lives that honor You.
Lord, we pray for those who are seeking a godly spouse. We ask that You would guide them to someone who loves You and seeks to follow Your Word. Give them wisdom and discernment as they navigate relationships, and help them to prioritize purity and holiness in their own lives. Father, we rebuke the lies of the enemy that tell us we are unworthy of love or that our past defines us. We declare that our worth is found in You alone, and that You have a plan and a purpose for each of us.
We pray for marriages that honor You, Lord. Strengthen husbands and wives to love one another as Christ loves the church. Help them to build their marriages on the foundation of Your Word and to seek You above all else. Father, we ask that You would heal any wounds or brokenness in relationships and restore what has been lost. May Your name be glorified in all that we do.
We pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.