Marylean
Humble Prayer Partner
In 2 weeks times 74 people will be made redundant - I could be one of them. There is only myself and my son, who is 24yrs old, though we live in the same house, our relationship is non existent, we dont speak, i have alot of stress at work and to come home to more is worse. my son has probably only left the house 7 times in 8 years. He suffered with depression for a while, but now he gets panic attacks if he goes out. He thinks ppl are always staring at him He was on sickness benefits but decided to come off it, as he didnt like the control the Welfare people had over him, saying he had to look for a job - as he was considered able to do so. He now depends on me to buy him food and so forth. I have it feels since i was born struggled to cope financially. All i feel at the moment is nothing, i see no hope in the future, and blame myself for my son's situation, being strict with him growing up made it hard for him to make friends with people - his only contact is with people on line, he does nothing in the house whilst i am at work, and I find myself getting resentful of him. I am so tired, I want a life for my son and myself, and to keep my job and just be happy for a change, but i find myself thinking more about death than life. I feel my son hates me, he doesnt treat me with the respect a mother deserves. I would never throw him out, because i am all he has - it is only the two of us. My life for years has been a struggle - when i feel it is getting better it goes backwards again - as if a dark cloud just hovers above my home continually deliberately making my life depressing. I am lonely, tired and now totally fed up with my life. With the added worry that i may lose my job i cant imagine what state i will be in, i have loans to pay - without a job what will i do. i am so lost - i write to God because i feel so embarrassed that i turned away from him how many years ago when my parents died. I feel he has no time for me anymore and he has turned his back on me, so i write to him instead telling him how i feel - i will be 50 soon, but i feel like a child. I should have achieved so much in my life at this stage, but i have nothing to show for it. I look at my son, who is so academically bright and feel i have let him down as a mother and feel he would be better off without me. I am not living at this time, just existing.
My prayer request is that God will give my son life - God knows what the problem is - he knows - I want my son to embrace his life and allow God to guide him to where he is meant to be, its feels as though part of his life has been erased or stolen. He is not part of a gang, has never been a follower, he does not take drugs or drink - he is a decent son, but there has been a breakdown between us, a sort of love hate relationship. The prayer request for me, is that I will have/keep my job, that God will open up a door for me, give me a reason to live, give me a reason to keep going - without my job i am finished. I want the relationship a mother and son should have - that our home will have laughter, instead of continued arguments and tears. I want us to be blessed somehow so i can clear my debts. My parents died 10 years ago, and their properties have been taken by other family members. Whilst i suffer here with my son, they live off my inheritance. Please God knows it all. I struggle to pray these days, because of the shame i feel, please pray for my son and I - please - i thankyou
My prayer request is that God will give my son life - God knows what the problem is - he knows - I want my son to embrace his life and allow God to guide him to where he is meant to be, its feels as though part of his life has been erased or stolen. He is not part of a gang, has never been a follower, he does not take drugs or drink - he is a decent son, but there has been a breakdown between us, a sort of love hate relationship. The prayer request for me, is that I will have/keep my job, that God will open up a door for me, give me a reason to live, give me a reason to keep going - without my job i am finished. I want the relationship a mother and son should have - that our home will have laughter, instead of continued arguments and tears. I want us to be blessed somehow so i can clear my debts. My parents died 10 years ago, and their properties have been taken by other family members. Whilst i suffer here with my son, they live off my inheritance. Please God knows it all. I struggle to pray these days, because of the shame i feel, please pray for my son and I - please - i thankyou
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