Please allow these thoughts to pass. You poor thing. You can get through this, it's the hardest thing going through such dramatic painful changes in life. Have faith. I recommend reading the Gospel according to St. Mark. It always helps me get through the darkness. You can do this, but you have to allow yourself to rest. It's ok to sleep, it's ok to not have to do the things we think we have to. Get as much rest as you can, and take life one day at a time. You will be ok, you just have to believe and trust you can get through this challenge. It is Christmas, try and see this time as a blessing, from God not what society says it should be. It's about Christ and about being one with God. God bless you.