buzzalong
Disciple of Prayer
I'm in a very dark place. I hardly recognize my own life.
I have such resentment and utter hattred for my brother and his wife. They treat me awfully and I have every reason to feel hate, but I've never felt such pure hatred for another soul. It's to the point where I wish them harm. That's not who I am or who God calls us to be.
I have been married, with a wonderful God honoring man, for over a year. We are happy. Yet no one in my family even knows because they don't like the fact that I'm 'dating' a man of different ethnic group than our own. It's getting harder to lie about were I live, where I sleep, where I keep my food, or where I do laundry. I'm ask these questions on a regular bases by my skeptical mother and with each question or suspicious 'Ooooh', my resentment for her grows. My mom will say, 'why don't you go and meet other people', 'You see Church friends all the time, go do something fun', 'You spend too much time with your boyfriend, he probably needs some space from you'. My resentment and bitterness is so thick I struggle to see though it to the mom I knew growing up.
I need prayers. Please, pray for me. I need God's guidance and His strength. I need to feel His peace.
I have such resentment and utter hattred for my brother and his wife. They treat me awfully and I have every reason to feel hate, but I've never felt such pure hatred for another soul. It's to the point where I wish them harm. That's not who I am or who God calls us to be.
I have been married, with a wonderful God honoring man, for over a year. We are happy. Yet no one in my family even knows because they don't like the fact that I'm 'dating' a man of different ethnic group than our own. It's getting harder to lie about were I live, where I sleep, where I keep my food, or where I do laundry. I'm ask these questions on a regular bases by my skeptical mother and with each question or suspicious 'Ooooh', my resentment for her grows. My mom will say, 'why don't you go and meet other people', 'You see Church friends all the time, go do something fun', 'You spend too much time with your boyfriend, he probably needs some space from you'. My resentment and bitterness is so thick I struggle to see though it to the mom I knew growing up.
I need prayers. Please, pray for me. I need God's guidance and His strength. I need to feel His peace.