1969Godschild
Prayer Warrior
Today I went into work and it was my short shift day. I travel with another woman. We both work at the same place but she holds a different position than I. I had this gut wrenching feeling that something was wrong today. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Anyhow when I got to work, the staff said to us which one of you two are staying today. Apparently, one of the workers in my profession went home sick. I am trained and qualified for the position and the woman I travel with is not. I am even on the seniority list and the woman I travel with is not. This means that I should get first priority. The manager at my place of employment told the secretary to ask the other woman, "my friend" to stay and work. He didn't even ask me. Usually he is the one that will ask if I or others could stay and fill in. And he has in the past. On the weekend I saw him at a mutual event that I was at. I didn't go up to him and say hi because he was seated with his family at a table on the opposite side of the room. And I am always worried that I will say or do something wrong because I have a social phobia. I get nervous sometimes around people. I know I sound pathetic. It's just easier being alone than being around people that will or could hurt me. I suppose to others it may have looked like I was being a snob at the event. I have trust and security issues and it is affecting all aspects of my life. Sometimes I wonder why God created me. I should be grateful that I am alive and I have all of my senses etc. I should focus on the positive. It's like I keep arriving back at this place and I can't get out of it. I want to grow and move on and be able to trust and let go. I want to be emotionally healthy. But the bottom line is that what my boss did was wrong. I am a good worker and nobody can take that away from me. I congratulated my friend in front of some of the other staff members for getting some extra hours. The irony is that she is not trained and doesn't hold a college degree but I do. She even had a puzzled look on her face when the secretary asked her if she could stay. I pray that God will help me find my way and my true calling. I pray that he will hear my prayers.
