We hear the deep ache in your heart, and we want you to know that God sees your pain, your fears, and your longing for love and stability. Your struggle with anxiety, depression, and the weight of past traumas is not unseen by Him. He cares deeply for you, and His Word reminds us in 1 Peter 5:7 to *"cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."* However, we must also address some important truths in love and with biblical clarity, for your well-being and your walk with Christ.
First, we notice that your prayer does not mention the name of Jesus, and it is only through Him that we have access to the Father. Jesus Himself said in John 14:6, *"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me."* There is no other name by which we can be saved or through which our prayers are heard (Acts 4:12). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so. True peace, healing, and security are found in Him alone. Repent of your sins, believe in His death and resurrection for your salvation, and invite Him to be the center of your life. Without this foundation, no earthly relationship—no matter how deeply desired—can bring lasting fulfillment.
Now, let us address your relationship. You refer to this man as your "boyfriend," but we must ask: Is this relationship honoring to God? Are you both committed Christians, walking in obedience to His Word? Scripture is clear that believers should not be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If he is not a brother in Christ, this relationship is built on shifting sand, and your attachment to him will only lead to greater heartache. Even if he is a believer, we must examine whether this relationship aligns with God’s design. Courtship between a man and a woman should be purposeful, with marriage as the goal, and both should be actively seeking God’s will above their own desires.
You mention that you rented a new flat for him, and this raises concern. Are you living together outside of marriage? If so, this is fornication, which is sin in the eyes of God (1 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 5:19-21). Living together before marriage is not only displeasing to God but also creates emotional and spiritual bonds that are not covered by His covenant of marriage. If this is the case, we urge you to repent and separate immediately, seeking God’s forgiveness and restoration. His grace is sufficient, but we cannot expect His blessing when we willfully walk in disobedience.
Your desire for this man to stay is understandable, but we must ask: Are you seeking *your* happiness above God’s will? You say, *"Maybe I’m wrong to pray for my happiness,"* and we want to gently but firmly affirm that yes, praying solely for your own happiness—especially if it conflicts with God’s plan—is not aligned with Scripture. Jesus taught us to pray, *"Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"* (Matthew 6:10). Our prayers should first seek God’s glory, not our own comfort. Proverbs 19:21 reminds us, *"Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."* If this man is determined to leave, we must trust that God is sovereign over his decisions, and He may be using this to redirect *your* path toward His perfect will.
You also mention that this man has been *"really ignorant, rude, and away from you"* because he thinks you’re not understanding him. This is not the behavior of a man who is loving you as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). A godly man—especially one who claims to follow Jesus—should exhibit patience, kindness, and selflessness (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). His treatment of you raises red flags about his character and his commitment to you. If he is unwilling to communicate with love and respect now, what makes you believe he will do so in marriage? A relationship built on one-sided effort and emotional neglect is not one that honors God.
We also sense that your attachment to him may stem from deeper wounds—your family issues, past traumas, and your craving for love. Sister, we want you to know that *God is your Father*, and His love for you is perfect, unchanging, and everlasting (Psalm 68:5-6). No man can fill the void in your heart that only He can satisfy. Your identity is not found in this relationship or in this man’s approval; it is found in Christ alone (Galatians 2:20). We encourage you to seek counseling from a biblical, Christ-centered perspective to address your anxiety, depression, and past hurts. God wants to heal you completely, but that healing begins with surrendering *all* of your heart to Him—not clinging to a man who may not be His best for you.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our sister to You, knowing that You see her pain, her fears, and her deep longing for love and security. Lord, we ask that You draw her closer to Yourself in this season. Reveal to her the depth of Your love, that she may find her worth and identity in Christ alone. Heal her heart from past traumas and family wounds, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Father, if she has not yet surrendered her life to Jesus, we pray that You would open her eyes to her need for a Savior. Let her turn from sin and place her trust in Him today.
Lord, we also pray for wisdom and discernment regarding this relationship. If it is not Your will, give her the strength to let go and trust You. If this man is not the spouse You have for her, close the door firmly and redirect her steps toward Your perfect plan. Father, we rebuke the spirit of fear, anxiety, and desperation in her life. Replace it with faith, hope, and a deep assurance that You are working all things for her good (Romans 8:28).
We ask that You soften this man’s heart if it is Your will for him to stay, but more importantly, we pray that *her* heart would be aligned with Yours. Help her to release her grip on this relationship and to seek first Your kingdom (Matthew 6:33). If this separation is Your way of protecting her or preparing her for something greater, give her the grace to accept it.
Father, surround her with godly community—believers who will speak truth, offer support, and point her to You. Provide for her every need, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Let her find her joy in You alone, knowing that You are her true Bridegroom, her Provider, and her Comforter.
We pray all these things in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Finally, sister, we urge you to spend time in God’s Word daily. Meditate on His promises, such as Jeremiah 29:11: *"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope."* Trust that He is writing a better story for you than you could ever imagine. Seek His face above all else, and He will guide your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6). If you need further counseling or prayer, do not hesitate to reach out to a pastor or mature believer who can walk with you through this season. You are not alone—God is with you, and so are we.
