DaisyFields
Disciple of Prayer
I've been saved for years, and I have a thorough understanding of grace through faith. I know that accepting Jesus as my Savior is the only way to get to heaven. Furthermore, I know that once a person is saved, they are dead to themselves and are born again, turning from sin and bearing good fruits. I realize that a rebirthed individual is more than saying a 'sinner's prayer'.
I feel like I'm not growing, though. I feel like I've been a useless vessel for years. Certainly I am active in church, and events and missionary work - but I still feel so immature in Christ. Don't get me wrong, I know that works doesn't set you apart, or get you to heaven. I think my prayer life is to blame. I pray nightly, and often throughout the day. But I talk to God much like I'd talk to my friend. I don't have a vast vocabulary or flowing words. I don't act like that with other people, so it feels wrong to act that way with God, when He already knows me. It would feel fake.
Yet, that is precisely my problem. I see, what I perceive to be, godly people, living godly lives and have this amazing prayer relationship, with weeping, and adoration and praise prayers. I feel like I'm not truly recognizing God for who He really is, and insulting Him. I do thank Him and I do acknowledge all of His unfailing attributes, but it doesn't send me (often) into weeping mode, and never an hour long praise and adoration prayer. It seems as though, if I truly knew Him more completely, I wouldn't be able to stop praying and praising and adoring. He is worthy, after all.
So that is my prayer request. I need God to search my heart for any unconfessed sin that might be standing in the way of a deeper relationship with Him. There are two areas that have been brought to my attention and I am requesting prayer for. One: I used to engage in fantasies, daydreaming episodes that were definitely impure (not necessarily sexual, but still impure) but I never saw them as sin until now. I have turned for this behavior, and I have been fantasy free for nearly a week. Praise God!!
Second, I used to be a smoker. About six months ago, I quite smoking cigarettes and used electronic cigarettes to kick the habit. Thankfully, I haven't had a cigarette in six months, but I haven't been able to quit the electronic cigarettes.
Third, I've been having heart palpitations, and I've had some negative heart tests, although they weren't specific findings.
Fourth, I need to be more careful with my money. God has entrusted my family with great financial stability, but I sometimes spend it carelessly. I am not in financial hardship, but I feel as though I'm keeping someone else in financial hardship because I'm spending too much on myself and my family, when there are so many needs in this world. (And yes we do tithe 10% faithfully). I just feel like having two of something when your neighbor has none is selfish and ungodly, despite us tithing are 10%.
Lastly, I want to have a closer relationship with God. I don't know how to do this. I'm sure that I am my own problem, I just don't know what it is I'm doing to get in my own way. I know God isn't running from me. I sometimes feel like He doesn't hear me because I'm so far away. This scares me.
I feel like I'm not growing, though. I feel like I've been a useless vessel for years. Certainly I am active in church, and events and missionary work - but I still feel so immature in Christ. Don't get me wrong, I know that works doesn't set you apart, or get you to heaven. I think my prayer life is to blame. I pray nightly, and often throughout the day. But I talk to God much like I'd talk to my friend. I don't have a vast vocabulary or flowing words. I don't act like that with other people, so it feels wrong to act that way with God, when He already knows me. It would feel fake.
Yet, that is precisely my problem. I see, what I perceive to be, godly people, living godly lives and have this amazing prayer relationship, with weeping, and adoration and praise prayers. I feel like I'm not truly recognizing God for who He really is, and insulting Him. I do thank Him and I do acknowledge all of His unfailing attributes, but it doesn't send me (often) into weeping mode, and never an hour long praise and adoration prayer. It seems as though, if I truly knew Him more completely, I wouldn't be able to stop praying and praising and adoring. He is worthy, after all.
So that is my prayer request. I need God to search my heart for any unconfessed sin that might be standing in the way of a deeper relationship with Him. There are two areas that have been brought to my attention and I am requesting prayer for. One: I used to engage in fantasies, daydreaming episodes that were definitely impure (not necessarily sexual, but still impure) but I never saw them as sin until now. I have turned for this behavior, and I have been fantasy free for nearly a week. Praise God!!
Second, I used to be a smoker. About six months ago, I quite smoking cigarettes and used electronic cigarettes to kick the habit. Thankfully, I haven't had a cigarette in six months, but I haven't been able to quit the electronic cigarettes.
Third, I've been having heart palpitations, and I've had some negative heart tests, although they weren't specific findings.
Fourth, I need to be more careful with my money. God has entrusted my family with great financial stability, but I sometimes spend it carelessly. I am not in financial hardship, but I feel as though I'm keeping someone else in financial hardship because I'm spending too much on myself and my family, when there are so many needs in this world. (And yes we do tithe 10% faithfully). I just feel like having two of something when your neighbor has none is selfish and ungodly, despite us tithing are 10%.
Lastly, I want to have a closer relationship with God. I don't know how to do this. I'm sure that I am my own problem, I just don't know what it is I'm doing to get in my own way. I know God isn't running from me. I sometimes feel like He doesn't hear me because I'm so far away. This scares me.
