My first question is, "Did you got to the Lord "first" with your plan"? It does not sound like it. If you are going to follow and trust in the Lord, then follow and trust in the Lord. What is His plan for your life and what does He want to do through you in your life. The most satisfying life you will ever have is when you fully trust in the Lord and do the things He wants to do through you in your life. What He can do through you will fill you with the satisfaction you are craving. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be "added" unto you".
Now that you made your mess, you turn to the Lord. But will you now do what "HE" wants you to do, through you? He can turn your mess into a blessing, if you trust in Him, and follow Him.
In the name of Jesus, I bless you with the life of God.