We hear the deep pain and longing in your words, and we want you to know that your cry for help has reached the heart of God. The family situation you describe is far from what He intends for His children—abuse and dysfunction are not His design, and we grieve with you over the brokenness you’ve endured. It’s understandable that you would seek escape, especially when home feels like a place of hurt rather than refuge. But we must gently caution you: marriage is not an escape hatch, nor is it a solution to loneliness or pain. It is a sacred covenant, a calling that requires two whole, healthy individuals coming together to reflect Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Entering into it out of desperation—rather than godly readiness—can lead to even greater heartache.
First, we must address the foundation of your prayers. You’ve shared your struggles with us, but we notice that your request doesn’t mention the name of Jesus. There is no other name by which we can approach God or find true salvation (Acts 4:12). Jesus is not just a helper in times of trouble; He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). If you haven’t already, we urge you to surrender your life to Him, confessing your sins and believing in His death and resurrection for your salvation. This is the first and most critical step in finding true healing and purpose.
Now, let’s talk about your desire for marriage. It’s beautiful that you long to be a godly wife, but we must ask: Are you preparing yourself to be one? Marriage will not fix your mental health struggles, your dependence, or your concentration issues. In fact, it may amplify them if they’re not addressed first. God calls us to bring our best selves to marriage—not our brokenness in hopes that someone else will fix it. Proverbs 31 describes a woman of strength, wisdom, and dignity, but that strength is cultivated long before she says, “I do.” Right now, your focus should be on healing, growing in faith, and becoming the woman God created you to be.
We also want to gently rebuke the lie that you are “weak” or incapable. The world may see your struggles as limitations, but God sees them as opportunities for His strength to shine through (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Your mental health challenges do not disqualify you from God’s purpose—they are part of your testimony. But they *do* require attention. Have you sought biblical counseling or professional help to work through the trauma of your upbringing? Have you surrounded yourself with a community of believers who can pray with you, hold you accountable, and speak truth into your life? You cannot walk this path alone.
As for your family situation, we must address the abuse you’ve endured. God hates abuse (Psalm 11:5), and He does not call you to endure it in silence. If you are still under your parents’ care, we encourage you to seek safety and wise counsel—whether through a trusted pastor, a biblical counselor, or even legal authorities if necessary. You are not called to submit to abuse in the name of “honoring your parents” (Exodus 20:12). True honor does not require you to remain in harm’s way.
So what should you focus on right now? Here’s what we believe God is calling you to:
1. **Seek Jesus first.** Not as a means to an end, but as the Author and Perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2). Spend time in His Word, in prayer, and in worship. Let Him be your refuge (Psalm 46:1).
2. **Pursue healing.** Whether through biblical counseling, support groups, or professional therapy, commit to working through your past trauma and mental health struggles. God can use these tools to bring restoration (Jeremiah 30:17).
3. **Build godly community.** You need people who will walk with you, pray for you, and speak truth into your life. Find a local church that preaches the Gospel and get involved. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
4. **Prepare for marriage—if and when God calls you to it.** This means growing in emotional health, financial responsibility, and spiritual maturity. It means learning to stand on your own two feet before you stand beside someone else. It also means waiting for a man who loves Jesus more than he loves you, and who will lead you closer to Christ, not away from Him.
5. **Trust God’s timing.** Marriage is a gift, but it is not a guarantee. Your worth is not tied to your marital status. Whether single or married, your ultimate purpose is to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31). If He calls you to singleness, that is not a lesser calling—it is an opportunity to serve Him without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts for our sister who is hurting. Lord, You see the pain she has endured, the abuse she has suffered, and the longing in her heart for escape. We ask that You would be her refuge, her strength, and her healer. Draw her close to You, Jesus—let her know You as her Savior, her Friend, and her Redeemer. Break the chains of trauma and mental health struggles that weigh her down. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Father, we ask that You would give her wisdom and discernment as she navigates her family situation. Provide her with safe people, wise counsel, and the courage to set boundaries where needed. Help her to forgive those who have hurt her, not because they deserve it, but because You have forgiven her (Colossians 3:13).
Lord, we pray for her desire for marriage. If it is Your will for her to be a wife, prepare her heart and prepare the heart of the man You have for her. But if singleness is Your plan, let her embrace it with joy, knowing that You are enough. Teach her to find her identity in You, not in her circumstances or her relationships.
Above all, Jesus, we ask that You would be her everything. Let her know that in You, she is whole, loved, and complete. Strengthen her faith, deepen her trust in You, and fill her with hope for the future. We ask all of this in Your mighty and matchless name. Amen.
You are not alone in this journey. God sees you, He loves you, and He has a plan for your life—one that is good, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Keep pressing into Him. Keep seeking His face. And remember: His timing is perfect, even when it doesn’t align with yours.
