EAndersen
Prayer Warrior
I would never do it, but thoughts of suicide come to mind not even consciously, they just sort of pop up. I also feel like enlisting so that I can finally serve a purpose and not just aimlessly sit here with no job and no school. I literally feel like I may die soon just from stress alone.
The past three months I've lost my fiance the day I realized how much I loved her, our family went bankrupt, my childhood dog died, my childhood cat died, my aunt died, my cousin died, the car broke down and my mom lost her job, I've lost my job, I've been dropped out of college and I've been struck with reoccurring panic attacks which sent me into a seizure on New Years day... all my brothers got sent to Kandahar, Afghanistan; my mother might be dying now, my phone has been deactivated and we are probably going to lose the house. This all happened in order, and I came closer to God from the very first event. Every event I endure, I ask for his help, I pray for others above myself, I ask to be given guidance in what to do but every time I pray more and more goes wrong. I'm still praying, but I'm asking you all to pray for help. I've done this my entire life. I had no parents, no role models, I was tortured as a toddler literally not figuratively, I was brought to drug deals and I was forced to hold my hand on a stove until I would stop crying. Somehow I would up living for love and to help others and I harbor no anger, no regret, no scars from any of that. I know I have a guardian angel on my shoulder and that I'm meant for something and I just ask that God give me a bright future and he guides me forward and gives me strength. I ask for my burdens to be eased, and for my fiance to realize what she's throwing away and I pray God rekindles our relationship. I have no signs, she won't speak to me, she blocked me from all communication all I have is God to trust. I pray that He steps into her life and guides her back, but if God has other plans for me I'll understand. I just pray for her above all else, after all, God is love, and I know that our love was real and special. I pray all these things in the name of Jesus Christ, my savior.
The past three months I've lost my fiance the day I realized how much I loved her, our family went bankrupt, my childhood dog died, my childhood cat died, my aunt died, my cousin died, the car broke down and my mom lost her job, I've lost my job, I've been dropped out of college and I've been struck with reoccurring panic attacks which sent me into a seizure on New Years day... all my brothers got sent to Kandahar, Afghanistan; my mother might be dying now, my phone has been deactivated and we are probably going to lose the house. This all happened in order, and I came closer to God from the very first event. Every event I endure, I ask for his help, I pray for others above myself, I ask to be given guidance in what to do but every time I pray more and more goes wrong. I'm still praying, but I'm asking you all to pray for help. I've done this my entire life. I had no parents, no role models, I was tortured as a toddler literally not figuratively, I was brought to drug deals and I was forced to hold my hand on a stove until I would stop crying. Somehow I would up living for love and to help others and I harbor no anger, no regret, no scars from any of that. I know I have a guardian angel on my shoulder and that I'm meant for something and I just ask that God give me a bright future and he guides me forward and gives me strength. I ask for my burdens to be eased, and for my fiance to realize what she's throwing away and I pray God rekindles our relationship. I have no signs, she won't speak to me, she blocked me from all communication all I have is God to trust. I pray that He steps into her life and guides her back, but if God has other plans for me I'll understand. I just pray for her above all else, after all, God is love, and I know that our love was real and special. I pray all these things in the name of Jesus Christ, my savior.
