I Feel Like a Terrible Person

[Sheirmaruormir]

Hello,

First, I want to say thank you for all of your prayers and for your responses on here. They have helped me and it means a lot.

I wanted to open with some good news in that I was able to find a job. I am thankful I got one after six months of applying and it was one of the most difficult processes I have endured.

Sadly, getting this job has caused a lot more problems and heartache. Prior to getting this job, I was watching both of my two young kids (3 and 1) while my wife worked from home. While being at home, I was subjected to a lot of verbal abuse (called fat, me getting my PhD was worthless), emotional abuse (being negative about my family, my parents, threatening divorce), physical harassment (when we would argue, she would physically block the door or the car so I couldn’t leave), isolation (won’t let me attend church alone or see my family) which drove me deep into depression and a downward spiral. I thought getting this job would help.

My wife had stipulations to me accepting a job and one of them was the pay. This is where I feel guilty. I did not tell her the truth about my hourly pay (I told it was $11.25 an hour more than what it is) but I felt like I had no choice because I could not tolerate the abuse I was enduring and it was my only opportunity to get out of the house. Once I got the job, we got things lined up to where she would have a nanny or babysitter for half the day, which would allow her to work.

Fast forward to when I started last week, each day I have come home from work, I have been subjected to more verbal and emotional abuse. I have been told I am not paid enough to be gone, I have been threatened with more divorce and that I would not see my kids again. I have been told I need to quit or she will leave with the kids. I have been told my PhD was worthless and I should be making way more. It is a non-stop cycle that occurs over and over.

Part of the reason why I needed to get this job was because of the debt I have. Currently, I have six figures of debt that I need to pay off. I have student loans, credit card debt, and a car loan. Though we are married, my wife treats our finances like they are separate in that she saves the money she earns and puts all of her spending under my name and on my credit card. When I was looking for work and not making an income for six months, my wife continued to spend under my name and did not provide any means to payback the debt she made for me. As a result, I depleted my savings and am barely making it.

Due to the whole entire situation I keep turning to worldly things because I do not feel Jesus and have not felt him during this hardtime. I have cried to Jesus for help, I have cried to Him to help my marriage and family, my financial situation, and for the help of others but nothing has happened. I know the moment I get my first paycheck and it is not the number my wife wants it to be, I know more problems will ensue but I just could not take the abuse that I was receiving anymore.

Overall, I don’t know what to do. I keep crying on the name of Jesus but I feel trapped in the darkness.

I apologize for the long post, I had a lot to discuss and repent but I thank you for reading this, for your prayers, and words of wisdom.

 

[The Encourager]

I prayed that God in Jesus' name will answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God Loves You. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Healed Spirit Soul And Body​

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Articles]

We are deeply grieved to hear of the suffering you have endured, but we are also thankful that you have reached out to us once more, for we know that God hears the cries of His children and is near to the brokenhearted. Your situation is heavy with pain—abuse, deception, financial strain, and spiritual despair—but we want you to know that you are not alone. The Lord sees your affliction, and He is your refuge and strength.

First, we must address the gravity of the abuse you have described. The Scripture is clear that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and likewise, a wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33). What you have endured—verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, physical harassment, and isolation—is not only deeply sinful but also a violation of the covenant of marriage. The Lord does not condone such behavior, and neither should you. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, *"Don’t befriend a hot-tempered man, and don’t associate with one who harbors anger: lest you learn his ways, and ensnare your soul."* Abuse is not love, and it is not of God. You have a responsibility before the Lord to protect yourself and your children from harm, and this may require difficult but necessary actions.

We also must address the deception regarding your pay. While we understand the desperation you felt, lying is a sin (Proverbs 12:22, Colossians 3:9), and it will only compound the problems in your marriage. The truth always comes to light, and it is better to trust the Lord in honesty than to build a foundation on falsehood. We urge you to confess this to your wife and to the Lord, seeking His forgiveness and wisdom for how to move forward. Psalm 32:3-5 says, *"When I kept silence, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me. My strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you. I didn’t hide my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to Yahweh, and you forgave the iniquity of my sin."*

Your financial situation is also a heavy burden, but we encourage you to trust the Lord with your debts and provisions. He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides (Genesis 22:14). While your wife’s handling of finances is unjust and unbiblical—marriage is a union, and finances should be managed together in mutual submission (1 Timothy 5:8)—you must also take responsibility for your own stewardship. Seek godly counsel, perhaps through a biblical financial ministry or your church, to help you navigate this debt. The Lord can redeem even this, but it will require wisdom, discipline, and trust in Him rather than in worldly solutions.

Most pressingly, we are deeply concerned by your admission that you have turned to worldly things because you do not feel Jesus. Brother, feelings are fleeting, but the Word of God is eternal. Jesus has not abandoned you; He has promised, *"I will never leave you, nor forsake you"* (Hebrews 13:5). The fact that you have cried out to Him is evidence that He is working in your heart. Do not mistake His silence for absence. He is refining you, drawing you closer to Himself, and preparing you for what lies ahead. In your darkness, cling to the truth of Psalm 34:18: *"Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."*

The enemy wants you to believe that you are trapped, that there is no hope, and that your worth is tied to your circumstances. But the Lord says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that your value is found in Christ alone, and that He has a plan for your good (Jeremiah 29:11). You are not a terrible person—you are a sinner saved by grace, just as we all are. Your struggles do not define you; your identity is in Christ.

Now, let us pray for you:

*"Heavenly Father, we lift up our brother to You, knowing that You see his pain, his fear, and his desperation. Lord, we ask that You break the chains of abuse in his marriage. Convict his wife’s heart of her sin, and bring her to repentance. Soften her heart, Lord, and if she refuses to turn from her ways, give our brother the strength and wisdom to take the necessary steps to protect himself and his children. Father, we rebuked the spirit of deception that led him to lie, and we ask for Your forgiveness and restoration. Give him the courage to speak the truth in love and to walk in integrity, even when it is hard.

Lord, we pray for provision over his finances. You own the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10), and nothing is too difficult for You. We ask that You open doors for him to manage his debt wisely and that You would provide for his every need. Break the spirit of greed and selfishness in his wife’s handling of money, and bring unity and biblical stewardship to their marriage.

Most of all, Father, we pray that You would draw our brother closer to You. When he feels abandoned, remind him of Your presence. When he is tempted to despair, fill him with Your hope. When he is weak, be his strength. Restore his joy in You, Lord, and let him know that You are working all things together for his good (Romans 8:28).

We bind the enemy’s lies that he is worthless, that he is trapped, or that You do not hear him. We declare that he is Your beloved child, redeemed by the blood of Jesus, and that You are his Deliverer. Give him godly counsel, Father, and surround him with brothers and sisters in Christ who can walk alongside him in this trial.

In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray, Amen."*

Brother, we urge you to seek help immediately. Reach out to your pastor or a biblical counselor who can guide you through this. If your wife continues in her abuse, you must consider separation for the sake of safety and sanctification (1 Corinthians 7:11). The Lord does not call you to remain in an environment where you or your children are in danger. Additionally, we strongly encourage you to reconnect with a local church body. You need the support and accountability of fellow believers (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Do not lose heart. The Lord is your Shepherd, and He will lead you through this valley. Keep crying out to Him, for He hears you. Stand firm in His Word, and trust that He is working, even when you cannot see it. We are standing with you in prayer, and we believe that God will bring redemption to your story. Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith (Hebrews 12:2).

 

[hostadmin]

We're really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It's great that you've found a job, but it's understandable that the situation at home is causing you a lot of pain. We want you to know that we're here for you, praying for you and with you.

Firstly, we want to echo what was said earlier about the abuse you're experiencing. It's not okay, and it's not something you should have to endure. We're praying for your wife, that she would see the harm she's causing and turn from her ways. We're also praying for wisdom and strength for you, that you would know how to navigate this situation in a way that honors God and protects you and your children.

We understand that you feel trapped and alone, but please know that you're not. God is with you, even in the darkness. He sees your tears, and He hears your cries. We're reminded of Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." He is near to you, and He is working in your situation.

We also want to encourage you to keep seeking God. It's easy to turn to worldly things when we're hurting, but God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). Trust in Him, even when you can't feel Him. He is faithful, and He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

We're also praying for your financial situation. We know it's a heavy burden, but we trust that God is in control. He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides. We're praying that He would open doors for you to manage your debt wisely and that He would provide for your every need.

Please, keep crying out to God. Keep seeking help from Him and from godly counselors. You don't have to go through this alone. We're here for you, and we're believing with you for redemption and healing in your story.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." - Psalm 55:22

 

[J.B.]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Naliogate]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Cinu]

Lord, we pray for this prayer and family for blessings healing and salvation. Heal and bless. May their lives be a praise and glory unto thee.
Come to the Lord's holy presence. Seek him with all your heart. Cling to his Word and meditate on it moment by moment by positive thoughts and joy in the heart (James 1:2-4), knowing that the Lord is good and to him be all the praise. Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Even though life may feel hard, the Lord's hand will be on you, and he will answer in his time. I am praying for you. Amen.

Some resources that might help.

Needs: - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19(KJV)

Salvation: - So they said "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved you and your household." Acts 16:31(NKJV)

Healing: - But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5(NKJV)

Fulfillment by the Holy Spirit: - Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6(KJV)

Persecutions: - But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. Luke 6:27-28(KJV)

Help in Prayer

Dwelling and Thriving in God’s grace where everything happens for good (Romans 8:28)

Pray that the Lord may open the eyes of the nations affected by coronavirus (Specifically forces against God’s people)

sermons

Be a Prayer Warrior: “Praying for others”

 

[hostadmin]

We want to lift you up in continued prayer, brother, and thank you for trusting us with the heavy burdens you are carrying. It has been a few days since you shared your heart, and we have been praying earnestly for you—for God’s protection over your spirit, for wisdom in your marriage, for provision in your finances, and for the Lord to break through the darkness that has left you feeling so isolated. Your honesty about the struggles you are facing—both in your home and within your own heart—has not gone unheard by us or by the Father, who sees every tear you have shed and knows the depth of your pain.

We rejoice with you that God has provided a job after such a long season of searching, and we ask Him to sustain you in this role, giving you strength for each day. Yet we also grieve with you over the ongoing emotional and verbal abuse you are enduring, and we cry out to the Lord for His intervention in your marriage. The weight of deception you carry over the pay discrepancy must feel crushing, but we pray that God will bring truth and reconciliation in His timing, covering you with His grace even now. The financial strain and the fear of losing your children are real and overwhelming, but we stand with you in asking the Lord to be your Provider, your Defender, and your Peace. Remember that nothing is too broken for Him to restore—He is the God who redeems what seems impossible.

We also want to gently remind you that the enemy seeks to isolate you, to make you feel alone and unworthy of God’s love, but that is a lie. You are not abandoned. Jesus is with you, even when you cannot feel His presence, and He is fighting for you even now. We encourage you to keep crying out to Him, even in the darkness, and to lean on the body of Christ for support. You do not have to walk this path alone. If you have not already, we urge you to seek godly counsel—whether through your pastor, a trusted Christian friend, or a biblical counselor—who can walk alongside you and help you navigate these trials with wisdom and truth.

If the Lord has brought any measure of relief or breakthrough since you last posted, we would love to praise Him with you. If the burden still feels heavy, we want to continue standing with you in prayer. Please update us, so we can either rejoice or persist in lifting you up before the throne of grace. You are not forgotten, and your struggles are not too great for our God. We love you, brother, and we are here with you in this fight.

May the Lord surround you with His presence, fill you with His hope, and remind you that you are deeply loved by Him. We are praying for you in Jesus’ name.