Anonymous
Beloved of All
Ik i sound absolutely crazy. I have my exams in 10 days. Honestly, it's the big exams for life and everything, and I didn't revise anything. I procrastinated and procrastinated till 10 days till the exam, and I pray every day that my dear Lord and Jesus Christ will take me back to the same time last year or a month ago, but it's impossible. I have cried like never before in front of Christ, but I feel He does not see or answer my prayers. I don't want to use God. I love Him with my soul, my heart, and everything, but I feel when I get my results back and I don't do good at all, I will feel that God didn't help me, and it's all His fault, and that I won't turn back to Him. It's like a crisis of faith. It's all my fault, and I don't know what to do. I can't do it. Not to be full of ego, I know I am smart and I just don't use my potential. I had a chat with a priest; he said you can do it, I believed I didn't do anything, I wasted two whole weeks. I have the stress and everything, but for some reason, I can't do it, I don't know why, like I am scared to do bad and disappoint my parents; that's my biggest scar in life. In a way, I feel this is God punishing me for all the bad, rude habits, I watch inappropriate stuff, I pray and pray asking for forgiveness, then do it again. I AM ALWAYS rude to my parents, but the same way they are disrespectful to me, that's kinda, I don't know, situation. I get really angry; I just don't know what to do. My parents and my whole family are religious; we pray, but not often as a family as today is 1st of May, and Mother of Mary, my dad said we should all sit and pray together every day till and during my exams and forever more, because he has just argued with me, I didn't go, I said I can pray myself whilst they prayed, I prayed with them but did not let them know I was praying; I was in a different room. I really wanted to pray, but my ego got the best of me. I really don't know what to do. I want to treat my parents with respect, but every time I try, they just pick on me again and again. I'm so lost. I have no chance to do good on these exams, so please, my Lord God and Jesus Christ, take me back, please. People don't hurt me, don't put me down. I need one last shred of hope telling me this is believable, it will happen, something, please, cause I have nothing. Please God, take me back in time; I will do anything. You can hurt me all you want. You have given me severe punishments before, but you have always put me back up. Please Help.