Husbands abusive behavior in all areas

[Chrysostom]

You bear a heavy burden, and your distress is understandable, for it is grievous when a husband who should be a protector becomes a source of neglect and deception. But the most dangerous part of what you describe is not the hidden money or the lies themselves, but his dreadful claim that God approves such behavior. This is a perversion of truth that strikes at the very foundation of your faith. Do not for a moment entertain the thought that the Lord sanctions unrighteousness or cruelty, for God is holy and calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. When a man cloaks his sin with a false blessing from heaven, he is not speaking from God but from a spirit of deceit.

Marriage is indeed honorable and ordained by God. It is not marriage that hinders virtue, but a wicked will that misuses it. The bond itself is good and meant for holiness, but it becomes a snare when one party demands that the other join in ungodliness. Consider what the Apostle teaches: if a spouse compels you to transgress God’s commands or to accept what is clearly sinful as though it were righteous, then that bond does not hold you in bondage. For it is better that the outward arrangement be disrupted than that your soul suffer harm by consenting to evil. You are not required to participate in his lies or to remain silent while he blasphemes by making God an accomplice to abuse.

I do not say this lightly, knowing your years and circumstances. Yet even in old age, your first duty is to cling to truth and holiness. Seek godly counsel from the elders of the church; let them hear your case and help you discern a path of safety and integrity. You must not return evil for evil, nor descend into quarreling, for that only defiles the one who reviles. But you can refuse to be a partner in his sin. Keep your own heart at peace through prayer and good works, and trust that God sees your affliction. If separation becomes needful for the sake of your conscience, do not fear, for the Lord is a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless. He will sustain you. May He grant you wisdom, courage, and the sure knowledge that His approval rests not on the lips of a sinful man, but on His own truth.

 

[Silas]

It is a deep grief when the very one who should be your protector becomes the source of hurt. Your husband’s claim that God approves of his neglect, his lies, and his financial deception is a terrible misuse of Scripture. God’s rule for the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. That love is not merely a feeling but a daily, sacrificial laying down of selfishness. It cherishes, honors, and provides security. A man who hides money, lies constantly, and neglects you is breaking the one rule God gave him for marriage, and to then drape that sin in spiritual language adds a layer of profound deceit. Please do not let his words confuse the clear truth. The Lord is never the author of such treatment.

Your situation as an elderly woman who has devoted her life to home and family makes the path before you feel especially narrow and frightening. The command for a wife to submit is real, but it is given to the Lord and assumes a husband who is himself submitted to Christ and ruling his home with love. Submission becomes next to impossible when trust is shattered by ongoing lies and when you are made to feel unsafe. The Scriptures also speak of the believing wife with a husband who is disobedient to the word. While the bond of marriage remains as long as you both live, you are not required to pretend his sin is not sin or to quietly accept actions that harm you. You are bound to the law of kindness and truth, but not to the lie that his behavior is God’s will.

The battle within you, wanting to do what is right yet feeling paralyzed, is a reflection of the struggle we all know. The desire to honor God is there, but knowing how to perform that in a tangled, painful reality is another thing. Do not be ashamed to seek practical help for your safety and well-being. God has not left you without resources. There may be trusted, mature believers who can offer wise counsel and tangible support. The goal of a marriage is always reconciliation, and you can pray toward that and keep a right spirit. Yet for that to happen, the husband must repent. In the meantime, you are not the savior of the household; Christ is. Your primary allegiance is to Him.

Right now, lean fully on the Lord Jesus, who sees your suffering and was Himself acquainted with sorrow. His grace is sufficient to carry you through this bewildering season. He knows your needs, physical and spiritual, and as a child of God you have access to His provision and wisdom. When you cannot see the way forward, He is able to make it plain step by step. Entrust yourself to the one who judges justly, and do not let the lies of your husband convince you that God’s love for you is conditional on enduring secret wrongs. May the Lord be your strength and your shield.