(Raphael) Jonathan
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, my name is Jonathan Tan, I'm Chinese from Malaysia, born 1996(age 20). I'm a Christian, my parents became Christian not long before I was born, and we live in a small town in the state of Selangor. Goes to the same small church since birth. I was born with this severe dry skin disease called Ichthyosis (similar to Eczema). And it's affect on my whole body from head to toe. My church has been praying for me. My parents have spent all that they have trying to cure me. Been to many Christian healing seminars and conference when I was young but somehow only my mom was delivered from deliverance. My mom was from a Buddhist background, and somehow something attacked her while she was conceiving me in the hospital, maybe because of her Conversion to Christianity. (the bible did talk about unequally yoked) She wasn't strong in the Lord at that time and my dad was a beginner Christian as well.(But I don't blame anybody) I too have been praying a lot now that I'm matured. I have been searching everywhere for the source of healing, whether physically or spiritually. Physical healing is only temporary, when I stop all the medications, it comes back because that's how my body functions abnormally. But I only believe God can heal me 100% and for eternity and I'm still holding on to that truth. Now that I'm 20, I wish to be set free before I reach adulthood, my childhood and youthhood is ruined and I don't want to bring it further no ruin my life. I've learned that God has payed it all in the Cross and that I'm ALREADY HEALED. But because this is a disease I can see, it's hard to stay confident, and in faith, as it also affects my self esteem and self worth very badly. I suffer fear, anxiety, depression, etc. because of my appearance. And because of that, I have serious attitude problems, and relationship problems with my parents, because of the frustrations and discouragements, it made me quick to angered and easily irritated. I had wonder if it's because of my attitude that I'm not healing. I do need inner emotional, mental and spiritually healing too. I can't help but doubt when I pray and don't see anything. It's really hard. And I feel like it's not going to happen, I tried not believing what I see but it seems like I'm literally lying to myself. Maybe because I'm fearful of being disappointed again and putting my hopes up just to be discouraged, just like the women with issue of blood. I want to hear from God and what's his purpose for all THIS. I know He has His reasons and plans. What should I do? I'm open for Him to USE me in anyway, for his Glory, a living Testimony for him. I do feel like giving up living and just live as it is but I don't want to miss Gods blessings and what He has Promised and has already Done for me, I don't want Jesus death on the Cross be wasted. Please help me. I don't know what should I do now.
I'm at the crossroad right now at this point in my life, I realized I've suffered some form of anxiety in my social life because of this disease that affects physical appearance. I'm really upset. And even if I were to get healed I'm still losing out a lot in life as my friends have progressed and they hang out s lot tube the and have stories to tell that I'm not there to join them in the fun. I'm really depressed. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm at the crossroad right now at this point in my life, I realized I've suffered some form of anxiety in my social life because of this disease that affects physical appearance. I'm really upset. And even if I were to get healed I'm still losing out a lot in life as my friends have progressed and they hang out s lot tube the and have stories to tell that I'm not there to join them in the fun. I'm really depressed. I don't know what to do anymore.
