Eliergate
Prayer Partner
I pray for great health and to get back to myself. I pray all the time, I listen to gospel music, I read my Bible, but what I want isn't happening. I am not wanting to give up on God, but I would like to be a better woman. I don't want to be sad no more. I was suffering from mental illness for years of being around an abusive parent, fighting with my brother, and living with my aunt. I want to be healthy and happy, but I just don't believe that it will ever come true. For years, I've been sick, mentally unstable, angry, conflicted, and confused, working at jobs that weren't paying me enough, working around minors. I wasn't myself. One of the managers I used to work for got upset that I quit her job and stopped working there; she embarrassed me, screamed at me, asked me why I didn't bring the uniform back, then got upset with me and told me that I had to pay for a new one. I didn't realize that she was mad with me. I believe it all started when I had cramps and couldn't stand up on the register, and she had gotten mad with me and wanted me to continue to work, but I had serious cramps. My cramps have always been that way for years. I was sick and not feeling good or not like myself. I would like to heal and feel fine, normal again. I don't want to be sick, unwell, or unhappy. I want to be in good spirits. I want to be healthy and happy. I pray that I get back to myself. For years, I was suffering bad being around fake friends; it was a lot for me. I feel as if now my friends think I'm crazy because I had distanced myself and stopped speaking with them. I cut them off and just started to do my own thing. I pray that I also stop sleeping around with strange people, well not strange, but I wasn't doing the right thing. My mind was gone. I felt scared, stressed, confused, worried. I was anxious. I pray that anxiety goes away and that I get back to myself. One older man also tried to sleep with me; he was blind supposedly and he was walking, and something just didn't seem right with him. I pray that I heal and get back to myself. I pray for brighter days. I pray for healing and that I don't allow my past to interfere with my future. I want kids. I want children. I want to be a good woman. I pray that things workout for me and that things get better. I didn't like myself. I was always sad for years, lost, crying, getting into toxic relationships with men; it was bad. I just want to grow and heal. One of the guys I was dating started liking one of my friends. He knew that was my friend and he went on Twitter and tweeted when you choose the wrong friend, basically saying that I was the wrong friend and basically saying that I wasn't good looking enough for him, and I walked away from him. He used to send me pics all the time, and he was immature, way older than me by a couple of years. I pray that I can heal and forgive that grown pervert. He came up to me trying to speak with me. He didn't even know me. I was sitting down, and he came by me with a cane, trying to speak with me, forcing conversation, then he just kept talking towards me. He also went inside of his phone and started texting the people numbers who I had texted. He texted one of the guys that I was talking to and said that I was with him and for him to ask me where I was last night, saying he was trying to smash, saying he recorded me inside of his bed. He also had come inside of the room with his pants off when I was asleep. I don't know why I chose to sleep around this dude. He was giving me bad vibes. He told me that I was going to be staying with him. I only wanted food and a spot to rest for the day and night. I was homeless, very poor. My mother had kicked me out of the house because I used to be worried about the man upstairs; he is doing something to my body, and I don't like that. I want to be whole and feel okay to feel happy and normal again. For years, I was trying to work and find a job but hated the jobs that I would be working at. I felt as if I should be doing something better with myself, but I also had guilts about a lot of things that happened to me in my life and wanted to heal and grow from those things. I was stressed out. My mental health wasn't good. I was in poor health, very sad, very unstable, looking around. I felt conflicted, lost, and just didn't feel like myself. I pray for healing. I pray for better days. I pray to grow and move out of the building that I stay in now. I hate it here. I hate the people that come in and out of the building; they give me weird vibes. For years, this has been going on even living with the maintenance man who kept trying to speak with me. He kept flirting with me when he had come to my house, and I didn't want or want no grown man. He called me crazy, and another boy would rub me the wrong way. I just felt like I couldn't take it or that I couldn't stand certain folks or people. I pray that I learn to heal and get back to myself. I pray for brighter days. I pray for a new home. I feel like my neighbor is against me. I saw him driving his car behind me and he was watching me. I saw him staring at me when he was driving; it was just bad. I'm afraid of him and don't want to feel sad or sick no more. I feel as if something is not right with me because of him. He told the guy that he was with that something was the matter with me. Me and the man were going back and forth outside; he was just watching me and staring at me. He had come up to me before when I was working and said that he was my neighbor. I didn't know that man like that then. He had sent folks to my apartment when it was me and my brother here, and the man had said that he didn't want to go back to jail. I hear him banging on the wall when he's driving. My brother used to bang on the wall back at him. He's sick. I pray that I heal and get away from this man and not have to sleep on the bed no more. I feel as if he's listening to me walk around, and something strange happened to my head when I was walking. I felt like he was inside of his apartment just listening. I could feel him when he's coming inside of the wall or standing near the wall. I pray that I heal and get back to myself and just become a healthier, better person. I was timid, lost, and afraid out here, feeling as if everyone is a friend of mine, and that isn't the case. I pray that I heal and get back to myself. I can't even be comfortable or exercise the way that I would like. I pray that my legs heal. I pray that my hands and fingers heal. I pray that my back heals from the tear that I had in my back. I had a tear in my back a couple of years ago, and I'm not sure if it's okay now, but I would like for my back to be healthy and in good condition so that I can live life happy and comfortably and at peace. I used to go at it with my brother too. I still don't trust him. For years, I haven't been fine or taking care of myself. I was mentally unstable, sick ever since I was a kid. I had issues. I pray that I heal and grow to not have those kinds of issues affect me. I want to be at peace. I don't want to feel sad, poor, or no income. I pray for a job so I can be wealthy and be able to take care of myself. I pray for better days. I pray for peace, love, joy, and happiness. I pray for my eyes to stop burning. I pray that things workout for me. I pray for my body to heal. I pray for my smile to come back. I pray for my health to get better. I wanted to kill myself for a long time. Sometimes I wake up and hate myself. I hate life. I pray that things workout for me and that I get back to myself. For years, I've been sick. I pray that I don't be sick no more. I pray to stop traveling to far spots, places by myself without no car or without no money and especially me hanging outside at night and getting in random strangers' vehicles and sleeping with men when I had a man sleeping around for money. I pray that I begin to value myself and want to protect and nurture and care and love myself more. There was a time when I once loved myself. I pray that that time comes back. People just stress me out and make me sad. I pray that I get back to myself and heal and grow. I pray to stop being envious and worshipping women, staring at people, judging them, and watching them. I pray that I get back to myself and learn to smile more and to grow and heal. I pray for protection. I pray for a new home inside of a peaceful, nice neighborhood. I pray to heal from fear. I always fear things and think the worst. I pray that I get back to myself.