mew415
Servant of All
God, this may be my own ignorance, selfishness and general sinfulness, but, i really just want to ask you what i did wrong that you have to turn yoru back on me and punish me? Do you not love me? am i that unworkthy that you won't even consider my prayers? am i really in this world on my own? alone? destined to be lonely and purposeless? i ask for love, a husband, what do you bring? heart break, loneliness, emptiness, coldness. i ask for a job that can get me out of my parents, i get a minimum wage job. i'm thankful for the job, don't get me wrong, but i'm too old ot be living with my folks. they have been very patient and generous with me, yes, you lord however, seem to just give me minimum when i'm trying as hard as i can to trust you, give my days to you. i'm not good enough. that's gotta be it. i'm not good enough for you to think of me as your child, not good enough for your blessings or answers to my prayers. I never have been have i? well.... i'm not strong enough to wait for your timing anymore. i'm too broken, too cold and too hardened. i fully doubt now that you are not bringing anything to me, not bringing me any happiness or love. i can't be in a relationship that just brings hurt, sorrow, confusion, pain, anger and emptiness. I can't keep living like this, waiting for you. i'm so lost yet i still seem to go nowhere fast. how can i wait for you? how. i don't hear you, don't see you, don't recognize you. where's my miracles? I am nothing without you yet i am still nothing with you.
