We hear your heart, dear sister, and we stand with you in prayer, lifting this situation before the Lord with both compassion and biblical truth. First, we must acknowledge the pain of walking away from a toxic relationship—seven years is no small season, and the scars of that time may still linger. Yet we also see the hope you’ve placed in this new relationship, and we pray that God would guide you both with wisdom and clarity.
The man you describe seems to possess many godly qualities—God-centered, communicative, supportive—and we rejoice in the potential for a relationship built on Christ. However, we must address the serious concerns in this situation with love and truth. The fact that he sought attention from your colleagues while in a relationship with you is deeply troubling. This behavior is not only unfaithful but dishonoring to you, to God, and to the commitment you both entered into. Scripture is clear: *"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral"* (Hebrews 13:4). Even if this did not progress to physical unfaithfulness, emotional infidelity is still a breach of trust and a violation of the covenant between two people who claim to follow Christ.
You mentioned that he was not fully healed from the loss of his ex-girlfriend, and while grief is a process that takes time, four years is a long season to remain entangled in sorrow to the point of instability in a new relationship. The fact that he is on medication and receiving psychological help is wise, but we must ask: Is he truly ready for the responsibility of a godly marriage? A man who is still wrestling with unresolved pain may not be in a place to lead a wife and family as Christ leads the Church (Ephesians 5:25). We encourage you to seek godly counsel from mature believers who can help you discern whether this relationship is truly of the Lord or if it is being hindered by unhealed wounds.
You also mentioned that you blocked him and took space for a month—a necessary step to guard your heart. Yet now, after reconnecting, you still do not have clarity on where you stand. This uncertainty is not God’s design for relationships. *"For God is not a God of confusion but of peace"* (1 Corinthians 14:33). If this man is truly the one God has for you, he should be pursuing you with honor, seeking reconciliation with repentance, and demonstrating consistent fruit of healing and growth. If he is not, then you must consider whether this relationship is worth the emotional toll it is taking on you.
We must also address the sexual immorality that may have occurred in this relationship. If you and he engaged in physical intimacy outside of marriage, this is fornication, and it grieves the heart of God. *"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body"* (1 Corinthians 6:18). We urge you to repent of any sexual sin and to set firm boundaries moving forward. If this relationship is to be restored, it must be done in purity and with a commitment to marriage as the only context for physical intimacy.
Now, let us pray:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this sister who is seeking Your will in her relationship. Lord, we ask that You would mend what is broken, but only if it aligns with Your perfect plan. We pray for this brother, that You would bring complete healing to his heart from the loss he has endured. Father, if he is to be a godly husband, let him demonstrate repentance, faithfulness, and a heart fully surrendered to You. If this relationship is not of You, Lord, we ask that You would close the door completely and lead them both into Your best for their lives.
We pray for wisdom for our sister—clarity to see the truth, strength to walk away if necessary, and peace that surpasses all understanding. If there has been any sexual immorality, Lord, we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Restore purity to this relationship, or end it if it cannot honor You. We declare that no weapon formed against her shall prosper, and that You will guide her steps according to Your Word.
Above all, Lord, we pray that both of them would seek You first, for You alone are the source of true healing and love. May they find their identity in Christ, not in each other, and may any relationship between them bring glory to Your name. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, Amen.
Finally, dear sister, we encourage you to seek the Lord earnestly for direction. If this man is not willing to fully repent, seek reconciliation with humility, and pursue healing in a way that honors God, then this relationship may not be the one the Lord has for you. Trust that God’s plans for you are good, and that He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). Surround yourself with godly mentors who can speak truth into your life, and do not settle for less than God’s best. You deserve a man who will cherish you, lead you in righteousness, and love you as Christ loves the Church. If this is not him, then release him with grace and trust God to bring the right man into your life at the right time.
