We hear the deep cry of your heart, and we are moved with compassion for the pain, rebellion, and brokenness you have carried for so long. Your honesty before God is the first step toward true repentance, and we commend you for laying everything bare before Him. The Lord sees your contrite heart, and He is faithful to forgive and cleanse you from all unrighteousness when we confess our sins to Him (1 John 1:9). Let us walk through this together, addressing each area with the truth of Scripture and lifting you up in prayer.
First, we must acknowledge that your struggles are rooted in deep wounds—the absence of your biological father, the pain of feeling abandoned, and the longing for love and completeness that only God can truly fulfill. You have sought to fill this void through relationships that were not of God, even resorting to control, witchcraft, and rebellion against His will. The Bible is clear that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23), and it separates us from the Lord. Yet, even in this, God’s desire is not to condemn you but to draw you back to Himself. He says in Ezekiel 18:23, *"Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked?" says the Lord Yahweh; "and not rather that he should return from his way, and live?"* Your confession is evidence that the Holy Spirit is at work in you, convicting you of sin and leading you to repentance. This is a gift from God, and you must not despise it.
You have also acknowledged the idolatry in your heart—the worship of self, pride, and even satanic influences. The Bible warns us in Exodus 20:3-5, *"You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourselves an idol... You shall not bow yourself down to them, nor serve them, for I, Yahweh your God, am a jealous God."* Your admission of these sins is critical, for only when we recognize our idols can we tear them down. God is calling you to surrender these things completely to Him. He alone is worthy of your worship, dependence, and trust. The enemy has deceived you into believing that God does not want you to be happy, but this is a lie. Jesus said in John 10:10, *"The thief only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly."* God’s desire is for your wholeness, but it must come through His way, not through the counterfeit offerings of the enemy or the flesh.
We must also address the mention of your husband. If you are married, then your focus must be on honoring that covenant before God. Marriage is a sacred institution, and the Lord calls us to love, submit to, and respect our spouses as unto Him (Ephesians 5:22-33). If your actions or attitudes have hurt your husband, it is time to seek his forgiveness and the Lord’s guidance in restoring your marriage according to biblical principles. If you are not married but have been living as though you are, we urge you to repent of this sin, for fornication is a grave offense against God (1 Corinthians 6:18). Either way, your relationship must be brought under the lordship of Christ, with the goal of glorifying God in all things.
You have mentioned mental illness and narcissism, and we encourage you to seek godly counsel and medical help if needed. The Bible does not shy away from the reality of our human brokenness, but it also points us to the Great Physician, Jesus Christ, who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). However, be cautious not to use labels as excuses for sin. While we may struggle with weaknesses, we are still responsible for our choices, and God’s grace is sufficient to overcome them (2 Corinthians 12:9). True repentance involves turning away from sin and walking in obedience to God’s Word, even when it is difficult.
You have also expressed a desire to quit your job or be fired, seemingly as a way to surrender control to God. We caution you to seek the Lord’s wisdom in this carefully. While surrender is necessary, it must be done in a way that aligns with biblical stewardship and responsibility. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* If God is leading you to leave your job, He will make it clear and provide for you. Do not act impulsively, but seek His will in prayer and through wise counsel.
Most importantly, we must address your relationship with God. You have confessed to hating Him, blaming Him, and feeling abandoned by Him. These are honest emotions, but they are also rooted in a misunderstanding of who God is. He is not a distant or cruel Father but a loving and just God who disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6). Your pain has distorted your view of Him, but He is calling you to see Him as He truly is. In Jeremiah 29:11, He declares, *"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future."* Your heavenly Father loves you deeply, and He wants to heal your heart and restore your trust in Him.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of Your daughter, who has poured out her heart in repentance and desperation. Lord, You see the depths of her pain—the wounds of abandonment, the rebellion, the idolatry, and the brokenness she has carried for so long. We thank You that she has turned to You in honesty, for You desire truth in the inward parts (Psalm 51:6). Father, forgive her for every sin she has confessed—her rebellion, her hatred toward You, her involvement in witchcraft and control, her idolatry, her selfishness, and her refusal to surrender to You. Wash her clean by the blood of Jesus Christ and create in her a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within her (Psalm 51:10).
Lord, we pray that You would break every chain of the enemy in her life. You are the God who sets the captives free (Luke 4:18), and we ask that You would deliver her from every demonic influence, every stronghold of pride, and every lie she has believed about You and about herself. Father, reveal to her the truth of who You are—that You are good, that You love her, and that Your plans for her are for her welfare and not for harm. Heal the wounds of her fatherless heart, Lord. Be the Father to her that she has never had. Let her find her identity and completeness in You alone.
We pray for her marriage, Lord. If she is married, restore what has been broken. Soften her heart and her husband’s heart toward one another. Help them to love each other as Christ loves the Church, with sacrifice, humility, and grace. If she is not married but has been living in sin, convict her to turn away from it and walk in purity. Guide her toward a godly marriage if that is Your will, but let her first seek Your kingdom and righteousness above all else (Matthew 6:33).
Father, we ask that You would bring godly counsel into her life—people who can speak Your truth to her and walk with her in this season of healing. If she needs medical or professional help, provide it, Lord. But above all, let her find her healing in You. Help her to surrender every area of her life to You, including her job, her relationships, and her future. Give her wisdom to know Your will and the courage to obey it, even when it is difficult.
Lord, we rebuke the spirit of rebellion in her life. Replace it with a spirit of surrender and obedience. Break the power of narcissism and self-centeredness, and fill her with Your love so that she may love others as You have loved her. Father, we pray that she would come to know You not just religiously, but intimately—as her Savior, her Father, and her Friend. Open her eyes to see You as You are, and let her heart be transformed by Your love.
Finally, Lord, we ask that You would give her peace. Let her know that she is forgiven, that she is loved, and that You are working all things together for her good (Romans 8:28). Help her to trust You even when she doesn’t understand Your ways. Fill her with Your Holy Spirit, that she may walk in victory and no longer be enslaved to sin.
We pray all these things in the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
We encourage you to continue seeking the Lord daily through His Word and prayer. Read the Psalms to see how David poured out his heart to God, even in his darkest moments. Study the life of Jesus in the Gospels to understand the depth of His love for you. Surround yourself with believers who can support and encourage you in your walk with Christ. And remember, this is not a journey you walk alone—God is with you, and He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
If you have not already, we urge you to fully surrender your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. It is only through Him that we have access to the Father and the power to overcome sin. If you have never confessed Jesus as Lord or are unsure of your salvation, we invite you to do so now. Romans 10:9 says, *"that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."* There is no other name by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12), and it is only through Jesus that we can find true freedom and healing.
We are here to walk with you in prayer and encouragement. Keep seeking the Lord, and do not lose heart. He is faithful, and He will complete the good work He has begun in you (Philippians 1:6).
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
