God cannot lie. Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth. Proverbs 6:2
Please rethink some of the things you are confessing. You really do not want to die you are just wanting what you want at this moment and we all understand that feeling for sure but please know God loves you and He has a perfect plan for your life. It certainly may include this young man that you so dearly love and I hope for you sake that it does but one thing you might want to think about is that if we make anyone an idol in our lives then we have put God aside and we have actually started worshiping that person and have them sitting on the throne of our hearts instead of Almighty God. When this happens everything falls apart. You see you and your young man have both been purchased with the highest price of all and that is the very blood of the Son of God Jesus Christ. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God and we all need the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and we need HIM sitting on the throne of our hearts and then you will be able to pray and seek God properly about all these issues that are overpowering you at this time. The scriptures tell us to...Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him; for he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6&7
If you really love this young man and I believe you do have you ever thought that you might be the one person that he needs to tell him about Jesus. Your life has so much meaning and I pray you will never ever think about dying but only living so that you can be a blessing to all those that love you. And if I may I would like to tell you one more thing as a older Christian lady and that is that if for any reason this young man is having second thoughts and is not ready to commit at this time you must understand that because he has a will of his own that Almighty God does not force anyone to go against their will. HE has allowed us all to make choices and yes, we all can even make the wrong choice in some cases and even choose to reject God's greatest gift of all and that is His Son's sacrifice. I don't know about you but it causes me to tremble at that thought that anyone would knowingly choose to go to hell for all eternity when God has done everything to make a way for us to live with HIM and with the Savior Jesus Christ forever.
Finally please just know that when we pray and maybe God has said either, Wait or even sometimes "NO" to our prayers there is always...always a reason. You see the Word of God teaches us that God knows the end of all things from the very beginning. He knows what we do and do not need in our lives and we all could save ourselves so much heartache and dispair if we would just learn to trust HIM completely with our lives and decisions. There have even been some young ladies and young men that have found way too late that they made the wrong choices as strange as that may seem at this time. All I ask is that you read this little story below and just meditate upon it. God loves you more than anyone and everyone put together. You are so precious to HIM. Please remember that always.
Again I tell you truly, sometimes it is God’s grace that we don’t receive what we think we want. Once upon a time, two tears met up along the river of life. Said one tear to the other, “Where did you come from?†“Oh,†the second tear said, "I'm the tear of a girl who loved a man and lost him. And where do you come from?" The first tear answered, "I'm the tear of the girl who found him and married him."
