And now you are doing stupid things, again. Beating yourself up over things in the past is not what God wants. He wants you to repent, which is not forgiveness, and move on with your life, with God. Asking forgiveness is more for your sake by your understanding that you have sinned. Forgiveness for your sin, past present and future is already done, through Jesus. Sin is no longer a problem between you and God. It is a problem, for you, because it can hinder you spiritual growth in the Lord.
If you want to "know" God's love, read the Bible, especially the New Testament about Jesus and how He died for our sins and doing stupid things. If you want to "feel" God's love then praise Him, thank Him, spend your time focusing on God, and less on yourself.
In the name of Jesus, I bless you with the life of God.