Finding Yourself And Asking For Help

Life is so difficult and most of the time we have a hard time understanding things. Alot of the times we want to just give up and stop fighting. I have been in so many places to where I wanted to give up and where It would be easier to end my life. Since November of last year I had been dealing with depression and anxiety. I had lost a cousin in October, In November I had found out my mamaw had cancer. And exactly a month and week later she was gone. She was my best friend outside of the love of my life Scott Kelly and my mom. He had always been there for me since we were well since we were 12. and in January he decided he couldn't handle things and his feelings had changed. and I had some other issues during this time. and my depression just grew. Then in April he and I got back together and I thought I was better and happy But when I seen my mamaws tombstone for the First time I broke again it was like I hadn't fully grasped her being gone until I seen it. And after that I had changed and I wasn't myself anymore. I took out my anger and frustration on the man I loved dearly and for that I will always regret it. I wish I could take it back but I have to understand things happen for a reason. He couldn't understand my depression or anxiety and I pray God show him That if he loved me he would have been able to want to help me and be with me while I got help and not run away from it. I understand I hurt him, Just hurts me being without him and having him understand. We've only been separated a month and he's already with someone else. So sometimes wonder if I meant anything at all because I cant love someone else. I don't want anyone else and Promised to only be with one man. We had been together for 3 years but best friends for 13 years. It's a hard journey but God brought him into my life and brought him back to me on many occasions so I will always believe we are meant to be. I have learned to give everything to God because without him I am nothing. I promise to always work for Christ. He gave me musical talent and I will never stop singing for the Lord. He has given me the strength to push through suicide through depression and helped me control my anxiety. I want to be everything I can be in the Lord. I want to help people see the greatness they have to offer the world. Show them that no matter the situation you have a friend in Jesus. He wants to be a mother, father, and brother to you. When you dont understand things or why you are going through something just remember for this you will be better. God is always near to you never far. He will never abandon you. When the world and everyone you know walks out on you, you will always have God next to you. He will fight your battles. Be still and wait up the Lord. I want to never go into a situation or make decisions again without praying and asking God for guidance. I want to walk where he is and never stray. I feel peace and love in knowing I am a child of the Great I Am and that the Devil is a defeated Foe and has no place in my life any longer. He is not welcome. God I am your child I will go where you tell me to go. I will do What you have me to do. Guide me, shelter me and be near always. I trust in you dear Jesus for I know you are the light of my salvation. I pray you protect and heal my family in every aspect. I pray that you move in scotts life in whatever way you have to to show him the way and his way home. I know I fall short but I will never stop trying to seek your face dear heavenly father. You are so merciful and I want to give you all the praise and worship. I thank you for all the many prayers you have answered for me and will answer for me. Please give me strength to keep moving forth in you. I love you in your name I pray. Amen

 

[broken soul]

thank you so much for this. im going through what you went through