Fuilorlor
Disciple of Prayer
I’m pouring my heart out and this will be the last prayer request I’ll be posting about this situation. I’m ### years old, I lost my son at ### months pregnant. While losing my son, my family came to Texas for moral support from Los Angeles. It was a for sure thing that my son was dead in my womb, regardless we prayed that God can do a miracle. I married into a Christian family, and I married my best friend. When I was losing my son, I told my husband that our son is now in heaven with Jesus but I will pray for a miracle that God would place his soul/spirit back into his body. My husband was upset with the way that I was praying regarding the situation. His mother came to my room a little upset that I wasn’t praying on “one accord” with my husband. I know it would have been a miracle for my son to come out alive. Later my family came to the hospital, and they brought me a worship CD from back home that was mine. I told my husband to stay and listen with me, and listen to the CD. He explained his brother was downstairs, and he was going downstairs with his brother. Now while in the hospital we had a large group of people coming in and out and the staff began trying to usher me into a smaller room that way they’d have to stop buzzing people in. I explained to my husband this quickly before he went downstairs to his brother. I told him “Hey if you’re gonna go downstairs, stay downstairs for a little bit, the people are started to get frustrated with us because too many people are coming up and down.” After this his mother got up from where she was sitting in the room, and she went downstairs and was very upset claiming that I had kicked out her son and I had kicked out her family for my family. That never happened, and this resulted to my husband coming into my room with accusations of something I did not do and would have never have done. I explained angrily, if I really wanted to do that I can ban people from entering my room if that was what I wished. But it wasn’t, and I explained that the hospital staff was trying to get me into a smaller room so they wouldn’t have to deal with buzzing 20 people in every half hour. This resulted into a full argument which caused my husband to break his phone. Some time had passed and I was in the hospital for four days, and I was not dilating correctly. I still had a couple months left to go, so my body was not ready to have my son. A device was brought up by my sister the day prior called a “balloon” to help assist me give birth to my son. I didn’t want the device, and stated that. The next day however my doctor recommended the same device, I trusted him and I agreed. When I agreed it was early in the morning, and I was told later by my husband that I was supposed to inform his mother on what was transpiring medically with me. This was day 4, and I didn’t want to wake anyone. And to be honest I was ready to do whatever for me to get over this whole experience. My mother in law again came up to the room, and she insisted that I had made myself infertile by using this device to help me have my son. I had to explain to her that I in fact did not make myself infertile and this was helping me have the baby. I was now deemed disrespectful for not informing every single step of what was going on medically. As the night transpired, my family came to me and overheard my sister in law say to my mother in law, “Why did I have to come into their lives?” As I was a couple hours away from birthing my son, another sister in law that I considered a friend, a sister in Christ came into my room explaining to me that I should apologize to my mother in law, and to say sorry. At this point, it’s my first child all these incidents had occurred, and on top of that my husband wasn’t really in the room and I kept opening my eyes for days to see an empty chair. The hospital pumped me up with drugs to put me out of my suffering, and let me rest in between checking my cervix to see if I was dilating. My husband and I made a pact, not to look at our boy. I had the nurses bring him over to me, my eyes closed and I kissed him twice. He had the softest skin. I was content with that moment. His sister hours early instructed for me to pray in tongues over my child, and I don’t know how to do that on cue. Everyone got to see my son, everyone besides me including my husband. The next morning I went downstairs by myself, I tried to wake my husband up and he wouldn’t budge and I decided what kind of mother would I be if everyone saw my son, but I didn’t. I went back upstairs and explained what transpired with a nurse, and I went to see my son. However.. it was just a baby body that was decaying at the point and I almost fell to the floor. And all I could hear ringing in my head was: “Why’d she have to come into our lives.” Over and over again. I signed myself out, was waiting for a prescription to be filled out to me. And was going to have a shower. It had been four days since I had one. I told my husband I wanted to go home to Los Angeles for a couple days, and he told me no. I said I’m going. He left the room, and as I was packing my things to shower.. Security came up and escorted me downstairs, I begged them not to. I couldn’t reach anyone for days, nobody wanted to talk to me and I couldn’t reach my husband. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and now.. I’m divorced and separated from the man I had a child with, and the only man I ever loved. Since the separation I’ve been through a lot in my life, but this has all eaten away at me. Lost of appetite, so much mental, physical, and spiritual pain. All I want is to not be here anymore and for God to take me. I tell random strangers sometimes what happened to me, and they cry and express empathy. But when it came down to my husband, and his family I received: Repent, you’re a witch, and you’re an unbeliever, you’re unsaved, and this marriage wasn’t meant and that’s why you lost the baby. I was speaking to my husband every day, every night in January and February on Super Bowl Sunday he went missing. He’s online, and I have no phone number he’s moved and he’s chasing other girls now. And I’m just tired, and very distraught. I don’t know what to do anymore. I barely pray anymore, hardly read, hardly worship God. And I never intended to go through any of this, I’m young.. and so is he. He believes he is following God in his actions, but I know he is not. And I know God is a wonderful, amazing, loving God. My husband I don’t even know whether I should call him that anymore is so confused and lost, so I’m hoping you can pray for him and you can pray for us in the name of Jesus. God bless you, I don’t know anymore what to do and this is my last time I think sincerely that I’ll ask for prayer regarding the situation because it feels hopeless.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You. Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. 
