Mariposa101
Humble Prayer Warrior
Desperate prayer to understand God's will & discern my path.
For the last 2 months, I felt a heaviness in my spirit that I understood as God showing me to pray & seek a promise put in my heart. This morning, I am feeling a pull in the completely opposite direction. I don't know if it's all the NOISE from advice I'm hearing from friends & family, bad dreams, and the hurtful information I'm encountering on social media... but it's a radical change in my thinking & motivation.
Several months ago, I thought God wanted me to "stand" for my relationship & pray for my fiance's salvation. I have been conflicted many times, trying to discern the messages!!! 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
But well before a ministry sent me that verse, the first messages I received from the Word were to "stand in the gap" and "build a hedge," to pray for this man's salvation. 1 John 5:16 says, "If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death." These verses radiated HEAVY on my heart. I felt so strongly that of all the people I've had in my life that this man who I spent 5 years with and who asked for my parents' blessing in marriage would be my covenant husband, and I felt complete hope that God would do work on us and restore our relationship.
After a tug-of-war physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I now feel as if the other woman (who he cheated on me with & destroyed our relationship) has won him over for good. If this is the end of the fight, I will surrender. But, the damage is overwhelming...
This means a court battle over personal & financial things. This means permanent damage to credit issues he refused to resolve. This means I have to give up our dogs & find new homes for them. This means he chooses a lifestyle that is unhealthy & destructive with a woman 10 years older than him raising several illegitimate children... And, I no longer want to put in my time & energy to pray for his salvation, if he is trapped into this new life.
"Trust in God and lean not on your own understanding," echoes over & over in me. I don't understand! Is the devil interfering to make me lose hope? Are these insinuations & doubts meant to lead me astray? Or, is it just my free will blinding me from seeing clearly? Do I keep fighting this spiritual battle? Or, is the battle over, and I'm supposed to walk away?
Proverbs 20:18 says, "Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance."
I am pleading: God, what do you want me to do?! Why did you bring me this far?! I want to understand, and I need your help! Please pray that God will enlighten me, give me wisdom, and STRENGTH. Please pray that God tells me what to do from here & helps me understand why...
In Jesus' name, I plead that the Lord will show compassion & lead me out of this valley according to His will.
For the last 2 months, I felt a heaviness in my spirit that I understood as God showing me to pray & seek a promise put in my heart. This morning, I am feeling a pull in the completely opposite direction. I don't know if it's all the NOISE from advice I'm hearing from friends & family, bad dreams, and the hurtful information I'm encountering on social media... but it's a radical change in my thinking & motivation.
Several months ago, I thought God wanted me to "stand" for my relationship & pray for my fiance's salvation. I have been conflicted many times, trying to discern the messages!!! 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
But well before a ministry sent me that verse, the first messages I received from the Word were to "stand in the gap" and "build a hedge," to pray for this man's salvation. 1 John 5:16 says, "If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death." These verses radiated HEAVY on my heart. I felt so strongly that of all the people I've had in my life that this man who I spent 5 years with and who asked for my parents' blessing in marriage would be my covenant husband, and I felt complete hope that God would do work on us and restore our relationship.
After a tug-of-war physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I now feel as if the other woman (who he cheated on me with & destroyed our relationship) has won him over for good. If this is the end of the fight, I will surrender. But, the damage is overwhelming...
This means a court battle over personal & financial things. This means permanent damage to credit issues he refused to resolve. This means I have to give up our dogs & find new homes for them. This means he chooses a lifestyle that is unhealthy & destructive with a woman 10 years older than him raising several illegitimate children... And, I no longer want to put in my time & energy to pray for his salvation, if he is trapped into this new life.
"Trust in God and lean not on your own understanding," echoes over & over in me. I don't understand! Is the devil interfering to make me lose hope? Are these insinuations & doubts meant to lead me astray? Or, is it just my free will blinding me from seeing clearly? Do I keep fighting this spiritual battle? Or, is the battle over, and I'm supposed to walk away?
Proverbs 20:18 says, "Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance."
I am pleading: God, what do you want me to do?! Why did you bring me this far?! I want to understand, and I need your help! Please pray that God will enlighten me, give me wisdom, and STRENGTH. Please pray that God tells me what to do from here & helps me understand why...
In Jesus' name, I plead that the Lord will show compassion & lead me out of this valley according to His will.
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