Defamine Institution- Nonbeliever

[mat]

In my madness, there was still a rational part of me that did not see the larger inclinition/consequences of my toughts and actions. I'm sorry. Even though I can't even utter those words to a judge and hold hope. I'll go to jail for what I thought. I feel at the most basic level, with my concept of god (a self servinb belief, that even the best of us knowo and more, I have failed. I'm trapped forever only to suffer and die forever. My faith in God isn't enough, I wish it could carry me through this. I feel like I don't believe in miracles, becaus then I'll be indebted to God, and I want my selfish freedom. However, maybe if God stepped in and gave me a miracle, and met me halfway, a way I would happiley believe. I fee like my faith is too weak, and that is all my fault, that even God would pass over me for lack belief. Maybe, I could work itself out for the better. I still believe in premarital sex and a self-justifing world. Maybe, this could work out for the better, that I could be a stronger more holys person And see the forgiving truth in what I did. My old concept of God won't get me through this. Help this nonbeliever. Please give me a miracle. Please let others believe not punish me as I deserve. I'll still pray my useless prayers. Give me hope, love, faith, perseverance and the ability to get out of this crisisi. I'll post more later.

Thanks for reading,

Pray for the best for me,

mat

 

[Stephanie]

I Pray that you get a better understanding of our God and Our Lord. Maybe you could start by listening to Joseph Prince sermons or get his book on Grace. You are too hard on yourself. If you knew a little more you wouldn't be so hard on yourself and realize that you want to do better and it won't take all the effort you are putting on yourself. I Praise God for all He is. He Gave everyone of His Children Grace and Rightouness when Jesus Shed His Blood on the Cross for us. Truely seek Joseph Prince and you will understand better and find some Peace and the Love God has for you. Amen.