Keeping you in prayer. I know that you are struggling right now. I've been hurting lately too, as I fear the loss of my husband to Cancer. I've wanted to just lay down and die, if only to stop the pain for a while. I will tell you though, that as I have turned back to the Lord, I see his hand guiding and protecting me through all of this. You may feel lonely, but you are NOT alone. A week ago, I was planning to die with my husband. I still am afraid of facing life without him. I finally came to know how no matter what happens, God is using it to His Glory, even if from where I stand right now, I don't know HOW.
it's hard to put into words, and for years, when my dad tried to explain it to me, I couldn't see it. I couldn't understand HOW anyone could keep believing in God as they lost Everything, and even now, I don't have words to explain it. I believe God is who He says He is, and because I believe that, I can also believe he is always with me, and wants only the Best for me, and that ALL THINGS will work to His glory.
Don't give up!