Earlier today I was listening to a Podcast, http://www.heismore.com/podcast/luke-pt-1/ , on Luke. The man doing it is from Cincinnati, where I used to live. He is an extremely humble, loving man full of the Holy Spirit and rooted deeply in scripture. He was teaching on the first part of Luke. He discussed when Gabriel spoke to Mary.
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.â€
Mary ask only one question HOW? The angle Gabriel answered her question then Mary said:
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,†Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.†Then the angel left her.
Then despite the fact Mary knew she would be looked down upon because of being pregnant before marriage, a stigma that would last a lifetime she sang Praises to the Lord. This was also in spite of the fact she knew her son would be considered a bastard child, in her culture.
46 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
47
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.â€
At the end of the podcast Zak suggested we ask The Holy Spirit to reveal to us the thing we were not able to give to the Lord. I prayed Holy Spirit reveal what am I holding on to? What will I not give up? What is keeping me from creating a straight road into me?
Nothing. I received nothing. I know there has to be something, but for a few hours I received nothing.
A few hours later my husband called, to ask me to do something little. The conversation was not a big deal, just daily stuff.
Then the tears started, my stomach felt like it flipped, profound sadness and nausea. Its the affair. I have not been able to give it up to the Lord. It is different this time. It is not mangled with the sexual abuse, abandonment of my dad, or adopted dad. I do not feel as if I am being attacked by the enemy. I am still walking in forgiveness. I am not angry with my husband. I am just so sad that it happened. I have not let my feelings dictate my behavior, or my words and I pray for Gods Grace it won't. My sadness has not "taken me out", it is just painfully sad.
I have complete faith in The Lord's perfect timing. When I did not even know the wounds of the sexual abuse still permeated my life, He reached down and healed me. I know He will do the same with this. I know the love of the Lord. I know that All things are possible with Him. I am not alone, I am not crazy, I am not hopeless, I am an adopted child of God. He is an awesome, perfect God.
Dear Lord I am willing to give You the affair, and everything that it has caused, and all the damage it has done. I can not do it alone I know I need Your strength, Your guidance, and Your comfort. Lord I have heard this is how You feel when we betray You. If it is Your will teach me Your wisdom. Thank You Lord Jesus for being so Awesome. I am Your servant. Amen
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.â€
Mary ask only one question HOW? The angle Gabriel answered her question then Mary said:
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,†Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.†Then the angel left her.
Then despite the fact Mary knew she would be looked down upon because of being pregnant before marriage, a stigma that would last a lifetime she sang Praises to the Lord. This was also in spite of the fact she knew her son would be considered a bastard child, in her culture.
46 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
47
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.â€
At the end of the podcast Zak suggested we ask The Holy Spirit to reveal to us the thing we were not able to give to the Lord. I prayed Holy Spirit reveal what am I holding on to? What will I not give up? What is keeping me from creating a straight road into me?
Nothing. I received nothing. I know there has to be something, but for a few hours I received nothing.
A few hours later my husband called, to ask me to do something little. The conversation was not a big deal, just daily stuff.
Then the tears started, my stomach felt like it flipped, profound sadness and nausea. Its the affair. I have not been able to give it up to the Lord. It is different this time. It is not mangled with the sexual abuse, abandonment of my dad, or adopted dad. I do not feel as if I am being attacked by the enemy. I am still walking in forgiveness. I am not angry with my husband. I am just so sad that it happened. I have not let my feelings dictate my behavior, or my words and I pray for Gods Grace it won't. My sadness has not "taken me out", it is just painfully sad.
I have complete faith in The Lord's perfect timing. When I did not even know the wounds of the sexual abuse still permeated my life, He reached down and healed me. I know He will do the same with this. I know the love of the Lord. I know that All things are possible with Him. I am not alone, I am not crazy, I am not hopeless, I am an adopted child of God. He is an awesome, perfect God.
Dear Lord I am willing to give You the affair, and everything that it has caused, and all the damage it has done. I can not do it alone I know I need Your strength, Your guidance, and Your comfort. Lord I have heard this is how You feel when we betray You. If it is Your will teach me Your wisdom. Thank You Lord Jesus for being so Awesome. I am Your servant. Amen
