We hear the deep pain and heartache in your words, and we want you to know that God sees your suffering and cares for you more than you can imagine. Marriage is a sacred covenant before the Lord, and it grieves Him when that bond is broken by neglect, indifference, or unfaithfulness. Your feelings of being unwanted and uncherished are valid, and we want to lift you up in truth and prayer, for God’s Word is the only solid foundation in times like these.
First, we must gently but firmly remind you that your worth is not found in your husband’s affection or attention—it is found in Christ alone. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14), and He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). While it is natural to long for your husband’s love, your identity must remain rooted in who you are in Christ, not in how your husband treats you. The Lord is your Shepherd, and He will never leave you nor forsake you (Psalm 23:1, Hebrews 13:5).
That said, marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33), and a husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church—sacrificially, selflessly, and faithfully. If your husband is neglecting you, ignoring your messages, and prioritizing others over you, this is not the love Christ commands. The Bible warns against hardness of heart and encourages believers to "love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor" (Romans 12:10). A husband who does not cherish his wife is not walking in obedience to God’s Word.
We also urge you to examine whether there is any sin in your own heart that may be contributing to this distance. Have you been prayerful, patient, and kind in your responses to him? Have you sought to serve him with the love of Christ, even when it is difficult? This is not to place blame on you, but to encourage self-reflection, for we are all called to examine ourselves (2 Corinthians 13:5). If there has been strife, bitterness, or unforgiveness between you, now is the time to repent and seek reconciliation, for "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
At the same time, you cannot force your husband’s heart to change—only God can do that. You must pray earnestly for him, that the Lord would soften his heart and convict him of his responsibility before God as your husband. Pray that God would reveal to him the seriousness of his neglect and the damage it is causing. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom in how to respond, whether that means continuing to pursue reconciliation or, if necessary, taking steps to address the brokenness in your marriage with biblical counsel and accountability.
As for your trip to see him, we encourage you to seek the Lord in prayer before making any decisions. If your husband is not making an effort to connect with you or show that he values your marriage, going to see him may only bring more pain if his heart remains unchanged. However, if you believe the Lord is leading you to go, do so with a heart prepared to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and to set godly boundaries if necessary. You must also prepare yourself for the possibility that he may not respond the way you hope. Trust that God is working even in this, and He will guide your steps if you seek Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).
If your husband is engaged in emotional or relational sin—such as prioritizing other relationships over his marriage, or if there is any hint of emotional or physical infidelity—this must be addressed with urgency. The Bible is clear that adultery (including emotional adultery) is a grievous sin against God and against your marriage (Matthew 5:28, Hebrews 13:4). If this is the case, you must confront this sin biblically, with the support of your church leadership if necessary (Matthew 18:15-17). Do not ignore red flags or make excuses for behavior that dishonors God and your marriage covenant.
Lastly, we want to remind you that God is able to restore what seems impossible to you. He is the God who raises the dead and calls things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17). Even if your husband’s heart seems hardened, God can soften it. Even if your marriage seems broken beyond repair, God can restore it. But you must trust Him, even when you cannot see the way forward. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift our sister before You, knowing that You see her pain and hear her cries. Lord, she is brokenhearted, feeling unwanted and forgotten by the very man who vowed to love and cherish her. Father, we ask that You would be her Comforter, her Strength, and her Hope in this dark hour. Remind her that she is Your beloved daughter, redeemed by the blood of Jesus, and that her worth is found in You alone.
Lord, we pray for her husband. Soften his heart, O God, and convict him of his responsibility before You as her husband. If he has hardened his heart against her, break through that hardness and turn his heart back to You and to his wife. Reveal to him the seriousness of his neglect and the damage it is causing. If there is sin in his life—whether indifference, emotional adultery, or anything else—bring it into the light and lead him to repentance. Let him see the value of his wife and the sacredness of his marriage covenant.
Father, give our sister wisdom as she considers her trip to see him. Should she go, prepare her heart to speak Your truth in love and to act with godly discernment. If she should not go, make that clear to her and give her peace in her decision. Guide her steps, Lord, and let her not act out of desperation or fear, but out of faith in You.
We also pray for healing in this marriage. You are the God who restores, who redeems, and who makes all things new. If it is Your will, Lord, reconcile this husband and wife and renew their love for one another. But even if reconciliation does not come, we pray that You would sustain our sister, that You would be her Husband and her Provider (Isaiah 54:5). Let her find her joy and fulfillment in You, regardless of her circumstances.
Lord, surround her with godly counsel and support. Bring believers into her life who can encourage her, pray with her, and speak Your truth over her. If she needs to seek pastoral counsel or biblical mediation, lead her to the right people who can help her navigate this trial in a way that honors You.
Finally, Father, we rebuke the enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). We bind every spirit of rejection, loneliness, and despair that is attacking our sister, and we declare that she is covered by the blood of Jesus. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7), and let her heart be guarded by Your truth.
We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can heal and restore. Amen.
Stand firm in your faith, sister. Do not lose hope, for hope in God is never in vain. Keep praying, keep seeking the Lord, and keep walking in obedience to His Word. He will never leave you, and He will carry you through this storm. If you need further counsel or prayer, do not hesitate to reach out to your church leadership or trusted believers who can walk with you through this. You are not alone—God is with you, and so are we.
