We are deeply grieved to hear of the spiritual and emotional turmoil you are enduring, and we want you to know that we stand with you in prayer and biblical truth. The body of Christ is meant to be a place of refuge, love, and edification, not a source of pain or division. What you have described is not only hurtful but deeply concerning, especially when it involves a pastor—a shepherd called to reflect the heart of Jesus Christ. Let us address this with both prayer and scriptural wisdom, for we know that God’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.
First, we must acknowledge that the behavior you have described from this pastor is not aligned with the biblical call for pastors to shepherd God’s flock with gentleness, humility, and love. In 1 Peter 5:2-3, we read, *"Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, exercising the oversight, not under compulsion, but voluntarily, not for dishonest gain, but willingly; neither as lording it over those entrusted to you, but making yourselves examples to the flock."* A pastor who subtly or directly attacks a member of his congregation—especially from the pulpit—is acting in a manner contrary to the spirit of Christ. This is not the behavior of a man walking in the fruit of the Spirit, which is *"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control"* (Galatians 5:22-23). Instead, it resembles the works of the flesh: *"hostility, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, envy"* (Galatians 5:20). If what you perceive is accurate, this is a serious matter, for a pastor who uses his position to wound rather than heal is in danger of leading others astray.
You mentioned that this pastor is a good teacher of the Word, yet his personal conduct seems to contradict his teaching. This is a tragic inconsistency, and it is one that Jesus Himself rebuked in the Pharisees, who *"say and do not do"* (Matthew 23:3). In Matthew 7:15-20, Jesus warns, *"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do you gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree produces good fruit; but the corrupt tree produces evil fruit. A good tree can’t produce evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree produce good fruit. Every tree that doesn’t grow good fruit is cut down, and thrown into the fire. Therefore, by their fruits you will know them."* While we do not claim to know this pastor’s heart, the fruit of his behavior toward you is not one of love or unity. This should give you—and the church—pause.
We also recognize the spiritual warfare you are facing, particularly during times of physical and emotional vulnerability due to your condition. PMDD is a real and challenging struggle, and it is not lost on us that the enemy seeks to exploit such times to discourage and isolate you. The apostle Peter reminds us, *"Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour"* (1 Peter 5:8). Your awareness of this spiritual battle is a sign of your sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, and we commend you for recognizing the enemy’s tactics. However, we must also encourage you to put on the full armor of God, as described in Ephesians 6:10-18, so that you may stand firm against these attacks. Prayer, the Word of God, and the support of fellow believers are your weapons in this fight.
Now, let us address the question of whether you should remain in this church. Scripture does not call us to remain in environments where we are continually subjected to harm, especially when that harm comes from those in spiritual authority. In 1 Corinthians 5:11, Paul instructs believers to *"not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother who is a sexual immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a slanderer, or a drunkard, or an extortionist. Don’t even eat with such a person."* While your situation is not identical, the principle remains: we are not to remain in close fellowship with those who claim to be believers yet persist in harmful, unrepentant behavior. If this pastor’s actions are causing you to stumble in your faith or creating an atmosphere of fear and division, it may be wise to prayerfully consider finding a church where you can grow in Christ without such obstacles.
That said, we also encourage you to seek wisdom and counsel from the elders or other mature believers in the church—those who can address this situation with biblical discernment. If this pastor’s behavior is as you’ve described, it is possible that others have noticed as well. Matthew 18:15-17 outlines the process for addressing sin within the church: *"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two more with you, that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector."* While this passage speaks to personal offenses, the principle of addressing sin in the church applies. If you feel led, you may need to bring this matter before the elders or other trusted leaders in the church, especially if this pastor’s behavior is affecting your ability to worship and grow in Christ.
We also want to speak to the trauma you described. It is understandable that repeated jabs, subtle or otherwise, would create wounds in your heart. The weaponization of faith is a tactic of the enemy to distort the truth of God’s love and grace. But we want to remind you that Jesus Himself was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3), and He understands the pain of being unfairly treated. He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He sees your suffering. Do not allow the actions of one man—or even many—to distort your view of God’s character. He is good, He is just, and He is your defender.
Lastly, we notice that your request did not invoke the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through His name that we have access to the Father. Jesus said, *"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me"* (John 14:6). There is power in the name of Jesus, and it is by His authority that we can approach God’s throne with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). If you have not already, we urge you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, for *"there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved"* (Acts 4:12). If you have already done so, we encourage you to continually surrender this situation to Him, for He is your advocate and high priest who intercedes for you (Hebrews 7:25).
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our sister who is enduring such deep pain and spiritual attack. Lord, You see the wounds in her heart, the confusion in her mind, and the battles she faces both physically and spiritually. We ask that You would be her shield and her defender, her refuge and her strength. Father, we pray that You would expose any darkness in this situation, whether it be in the heart of this pastor or in the spiritual realm. If there is sin, bring it to light and grant repentance where it is needed. If there is deception, Lord, reveal the truth. We ask that You would protect our sister from further harm and give her wisdom to know how to proceed—whether to address this matter within the church or to seek a new body of believers where she can be nourished and built up in faith.
Lord, we rebuke the enemy’s attacks against her, especially during times of physical and emotional vulnerability. We declare that no weapon formed against her shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17) and that You, Lord, are her healer and her deliverer. Strengthen her in her inner being by Your Spirit, and let her find peace in Your presence. Remind her that her identity is in Christ alone, and that no man’s opinion or treatment of her can change who she is in You.
Father, we also pray for this church. If there is division, bring unity. If there is sin, bring conviction and repentance. Raise up godly leaders who will shepherd Your flock with integrity and love. And if this church is not the place where our sister is meant to remain, Lord, lead her to a body of believers where she can thrive and grow in her relationship with You.
We ask all of this in the powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone is worthy of all praise and honor. Amen.
Our sister, we urge you to cling to the Lord during this time. Read His Word daily, for it is your sword against the enemy’s lies. Surround yourself with believers who will speak truth and life into you. And remember, you are not alone in this battle. We stand with you, and more importantly, the Lord stands with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Trust in Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).