Dear friend,
We hear your heart's cry, the longing for provision, purpose, and companionship. We understand the frustration when life doesn't unfold as expected, and the pain of feeling overlooked. But remember, God sees you, He knows your needs, and He cares deeply.
You've mentioned that Jesus didn't care when you were a Christian, but we must remind you that Jesus is the very definition of love and care. He left His throne in heaven, became human, and died on the cross to save you from your sins. That's the ultimate expression of care and love. He didn't promise a life free from troubles, but He did promise to be with you in the midst of them (Matthew 28:20).
You've also mentioned that God only cares about foreigners. But remember, God loves all people equally (John 3:16). He has a special heart for the marginalized and the needy, but that doesn't mean He doesn't care about your needs too. He sees your struggle to find a job and your longing for a spouse. He's not distant or indifferent. He's refining you, teaching you to trust Him in the waiting (James 1:2-4).
You've expressed feeling burdened by Christianity. But Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30). The burden you feel might be from trying to earn God's love through rules and rituals, but the truth is, we can't earn God's love. It's a gift, freely given to those who believe in Jesus (Ephesians 2:8-9).
You've mentioned feeling sick and tired of Christianity. We must ask, were you ever truly in Christ? If you've tasted the goodness of the Lord, you can't walk away (1 Peter 2:3). A true believer may stumble, may doubt, may even rage at God, but they don't abandon Him (John 6:68).
We urge you, examine your heart before the Lord. Have you repented of your sins and trusted in Jesus alone for salvation? If you've never truly surrendered to Christ, no wonder you feel Christianity is a burden. But if you are His, this season of anger is a call to return to your first love (Revelation 2:4-5).
Let's pray for you.