M
madelyn
Guest
I AM CALLING OUT TO MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS FOR I GATHER BY MY CURRENT STATE, MY PRAYERS ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH.SINCE CHILDHOOD, I AM NOW IN MY 40-S,,,, I HAVE FELT LIKE SOMETHING DARK, HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME , IT IS A STRONG FEELING WHEN THINGS GO MAJORLY WRONG.........MY LIFE HAS BEEN BASED ON PRAYER..I AM FAR FROM PERFECT, I AM HUMAN.....I TRY TO DO THE BEST THAT I COULD THROUGH MY LIFE.......THE SAME HARMFUL REPITITIOUS PATTERNS OCCUR, TAKING EVERYTHING I WORKED HARD FOR AWAY. ALMOST INCLUDING MY LIFE MOST RECENTLY...I AM NOT COMPLAINING IT IS JUST WHAT HAPPENED,, I GET UP EVERYDAY GIVING THANKS..
SINCE NOV. 2009 THE " PATTERN" STARTED AGAIN, THIS TIME OUT FOR DESTRUCTION, AND ALL I HAVE DONE WAS PRAY SOMETIMES HOURS HOURS STRAIGHT....FOR HELP, HEALING GUIDANCE........... MANY EVIL MINDED PEOPLE HAVE CROSSED MY WAY LATELY, EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO SAY MY ENTIRE FULL NAME IS THE ROOT OF MY CALAMITIES, AND HOW NAMES WERE PRECISELY CHOSEN IN THE BIBLE...SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT MY FULL NAME IS NOT IN ALIGNMENT WITH MY BIRTHDATE............ THIS IS SURREAL FOR PEOPLE TO TELL ME THIS.
I READ A POST ABOUT SOMEONE WHO WAS BEING PERSECUTED BY HER CO WORKERS FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING.... IN 2009 THAT IS WHEN THIS PART OF HELL BEGAN, I WAS DISCRIMINATED AGAINST FOR NEEDING A REASONABLE ACCOMODATION DUE TO RADIATION 14 YEARS PRIOR..I "LOOKED" HEALTHY SO MANAGEMENT WOULD NOT BELIEVE ME, OR ACCEPT MY DR.S RECOMMENDATIONS,, THEY MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE, I HAD BEEN THERE ALMOST 8 YEARS,,,,, THEY CREATED CAUSE TO FIRE ME....AND I AM HONEST ABOUT THAT, I WOULD NOT QUIT NO MATTER HOW POOR THEY TREATED ME, I AM SINGLE SELF SUPPORTIVE WITH NO FAMILY OR ANYONE ELSE TO HELP $$$$....
MY GOAL WAS TO TAKE CLASSES ONLINE IN 2009,,AND CREATE A SAFE DEPATURE, BUT THEY FIRED ME, 11/3/2009..... I LOST MY LIFE, MY CREDIT, THEY DESTROYED MY REPUTATION , I WORKED VERY HARD FOR THEM FOR NEARLY 8 YEARS.... I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE OR KNOWLEDGE FOR I COULD NOT AFFORD OR FIND AN ATTORNEY TO HELP ME, SO I FILED A EEOC CLAIM ON MY OWN,, BEING A 10+ MILLION $ CO. THEY HAD A VERY GOOD LAWYER. THE EEOC DID NOT FIND ENOUGH EVIDENCE, AND WAS NOT ON MY SIDE.... ALL I WANTED WAS MY BACK PAY, AND MY NAME CLEARED....... FOR REFERENCES............ ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER OPENS??? THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN FOR ME...
I ATE ONCE A DAY TO PAY WHAT BILLS I COULD BEFORE I FEEL BEHIND ON EVERYTHING.. THEN 3 MONTHS LATER THE CANCER RETURNED..I WAS WEAK NOT EATING, SO THE GARBAGE FOUND OPPORTUNITY, . I KNOW THE STRESS @ WORK HELPED IT RETURN....THE LAST 3 YEARS WERE AWFUL,, BUT,,MY JOB WAS GREAT,, I WAS AN OUTDOOR TOUR GUIDE..... I LOVED SHARING GODS BEAUTY WITH PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD..
I WAS ABLE TO GET STATE ASSISTANCE,, FOR MEDICAL,, THE DR. MADE A WRONG DIAGNOSIS, AND SAID IT ( TUMOR) COULDNT COME OUT, I REFUSED THEIR TREATMENT FOR IT WAS BRUTAL,, I WAS WEAK, AND KNEW I WOULD NOT SURVIVE IT.. ALL I DID WAS PRAY.. I WAS SO WEAK MENTALLY I WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY SOMEONE WHO CMAE INTO SAVE THE DAY.. HE HEARD ABOUT ME THROUGH HEAR SAY,, I GOT A JOB ANSWERING PHONES,, HE ACTED KIND, THEN TRIED TO CONTROL MY MIND.... I TOOK THIS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS,, THEN I QUIT.. I LOOKED BETTER FOR I WAS ABLE TO BUY FOOD.. I FOUND ANOTHER JOB, BUT HID THE CANCER ISSUE, I KNEW THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HIRED ME.. I WORKED THERE JUNE -10 TO OCT,- 10... FINALLY I WAS WEARING DOWN , KNOWING THIS THING WAS INSIDE ME,, I BELIEVED GOD WOULD TAKE IT..YET I DON'T KNOW TO THIS DAY WHAT GOD IS GOING TO DO WITH ME...........I FOUND A SURGEON WHO WOULD REMOVE IT IN 2010 NOV.
HE SAID, IT WAS NOT ON MY CHEST WALL LIKE I WAS TOLD.. IT COULD HAVE COME OUT MONTHS BACK,,, I WAS IN SUCH BAD SHAPE I DIDN'T THINK I WOULDLIVE, I ASKED GOD IF THERE WAS NO WAY OF HEALING ME, AND I HAD TO DO TOXIC MAN MADE TREATMENTS, NO QUALITY OF LIFE,, LET IT BE OVER,,,,,,,, I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO WAKE UP AND I DID.. THEY LEFT ME WITH SOME OF MY TISSUE ON MY CHEST, I DON'T KNOW WHY, I ASKED, IF IT NEEDED TO ALL GO, I WAS READY FOR IT.... I BELIEVED I WAS ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY THEN IN 1/11 IT WAS BACK IN 3 SPOTS, THE SAME AREA.........SO THEY WERE REMOVED,,,,,,,,,,,,, THEN BACK AGAIN ,, SO 4/30/11 MORE MAJOR SURGERY TO REMOVE EVERYTHING.............MY BELIEFS, FAITH,, EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SHATERRED,,,, I AM NOT JOB,,NOR JESUS....MY MIND / BODY IS OVER WHELMED............. RECENTLY, THESE NEGATIVE PEOPLE BRINGING US UP TO DATE, HAVE SUGGESTED MY NAME WHOLE NAME AS CRAZY AS THIS SOUNDS IS THE ROOT CAUSE,,,,,,,,,,,,, HOW CAN PEOPLE DETERMINE THIS????// WHY WOULD GOD ALLOW ME TO HAVE A SO CALLED BAD NAME,, FOR I LOVE HIM????? WHY ALL THE SUFFERING ALL OF THOSE YEARS???????? WHY WAS I ALLOWED TO BE REATED SO BAD AT MY FORMER WORKPLACE, AND STILL DUE TO NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD, SURGERY, THINK I'M HEALING, THEN MORE SURGERY.. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH,,,,, I WANT TO MOVE AHEAD WITH LIFE NO MATTER WHAT, AND I'M NOT SEEMINGLY BEING ALLOWED TO, BY WHAT?? I DON'T KNOW......... AFRAID TO QUESTION IT.................. THE LAST 15 MONTHS HAVE BEEN STAGNANT,, VERY PAINFUL............ I REALLY BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO BE OK,, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.. I EVEN HAVE TOLD PEOPLE GOD HEALED ME THE LAST 14 YEARS,, WHEN I CAME ACROSS SOMEONE WHO WAS IN MY SHOES, TO GIVE THEM HOPE, STRENGTHEN THEIR FAITH....
. THE JOB ISSUE,, EVEN THOUGH THEY DID SOMETHING WITH HORRIBLE EFFECTS TO ME,, I DISLIKE WHAT THEY DID,, I DO NOT HATE ANYONE..
I JUST WISH TO HAVE MY NAM CLEARED.. THE EEOC JUST MADE THEIR DECISION, I WAS ABLE TO FIND 1 ATTORNEY OUT OF ABOUT 200 CALLS , WHO AGREED TO TRY TO HELP ME..BASED ON CONTINGENCY,, I AM STILL WORRIED........ I AM GRATEFUL FOR STILL BEING HERE, BUT WORRYING ABOUT EVERTHING I THINK, DO, EAT...,, MY MIND HAS JUST HAD ENOUGH,,I FEAR MY THOUGHTS, ( IF THEY AREN'T RIGHT,i'll be punished,, ) i'm afraid to think about anything anymore..
SO PLEASE,, IF ALL OF YOU CAN SEE WHY I AM SO OVERWHELMED,, WHY I NEED ADDITIONAL PRAYER,, I FEEL LIKE GOD DOESN'T CARE, AND THIS HURTS,, THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR TIME, I COULDN'T DESCRIBE WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING IN A FEW LINES..
SINCERELY, MADELYNN
SINCE NOV. 2009 THE " PATTERN" STARTED AGAIN, THIS TIME OUT FOR DESTRUCTION, AND ALL I HAVE DONE WAS PRAY SOMETIMES HOURS HOURS STRAIGHT....FOR HELP, HEALING GUIDANCE........... MANY EVIL MINDED PEOPLE HAVE CROSSED MY WAY LATELY, EVEN GOING SO FAR AS TO SAY MY ENTIRE FULL NAME IS THE ROOT OF MY CALAMITIES, AND HOW NAMES WERE PRECISELY CHOSEN IN THE BIBLE...SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT MY FULL NAME IS NOT IN ALIGNMENT WITH MY BIRTHDATE............ THIS IS SURREAL FOR PEOPLE TO TELL ME THIS.
I READ A POST ABOUT SOMEONE WHO WAS BEING PERSECUTED BY HER CO WORKERS FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING.... IN 2009 THAT IS WHEN THIS PART OF HELL BEGAN, I WAS DISCRIMINATED AGAINST FOR NEEDING A REASONABLE ACCOMODATION DUE TO RADIATION 14 YEARS PRIOR..I "LOOKED" HEALTHY SO MANAGEMENT WOULD NOT BELIEVE ME, OR ACCEPT MY DR.S RECOMMENDATIONS,, THEY MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE, I HAD BEEN THERE ALMOST 8 YEARS,,,,, THEY CREATED CAUSE TO FIRE ME....AND I AM HONEST ABOUT THAT, I WOULD NOT QUIT NO MATTER HOW POOR THEY TREATED ME, I AM SINGLE SELF SUPPORTIVE WITH NO FAMILY OR ANYONE ELSE TO HELP $$$$....
MY GOAL WAS TO TAKE CLASSES ONLINE IN 2009,,AND CREATE A SAFE DEPATURE, BUT THEY FIRED ME, 11/3/2009..... I LOST MY LIFE, MY CREDIT, THEY DESTROYED MY REPUTATION , I WORKED VERY HARD FOR THEM FOR NEARLY 8 YEARS.... I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE OR KNOWLEDGE FOR I COULD NOT AFFORD OR FIND AN ATTORNEY TO HELP ME, SO I FILED A EEOC CLAIM ON MY OWN,, BEING A 10+ MILLION $ CO. THEY HAD A VERY GOOD LAWYER. THE EEOC DID NOT FIND ENOUGH EVIDENCE, AND WAS NOT ON MY SIDE.... ALL I WANTED WAS MY BACK PAY, AND MY NAME CLEARED....... FOR REFERENCES............ ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER OPENS??? THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN FOR ME...
I ATE ONCE A DAY TO PAY WHAT BILLS I COULD BEFORE I FEEL BEHIND ON EVERYTHING.. THEN 3 MONTHS LATER THE CANCER RETURNED..I WAS WEAK NOT EATING, SO THE GARBAGE FOUND OPPORTUNITY, . I KNOW THE STRESS @ WORK HELPED IT RETURN....THE LAST 3 YEARS WERE AWFUL,, BUT,,MY JOB WAS GREAT,, I WAS AN OUTDOOR TOUR GUIDE..... I LOVED SHARING GODS BEAUTY WITH PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD..
I WAS ABLE TO GET STATE ASSISTANCE,, FOR MEDICAL,, THE DR. MADE A WRONG DIAGNOSIS, AND SAID IT ( TUMOR) COULDNT COME OUT, I REFUSED THEIR TREATMENT FOR IT WAS BRUTAL,, I WAS WEAK, AND KNEW I WOULD NOT SURVIVE IT.. ALL I DID WAS PRAY.. I WAS SO WEAK MENTALLY I WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY SOMEONE WHO CMAE INTO SAVE THE DAY.. HE HEARD ABOUT ME THROUGH HEAR SAY,, I GOT A JOB ANSWERING PHONES,, HE ACTED KIND, THEN TRIED TO CONTROL MY MIND.... I TOOK THIS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS,, THEN I QUIT.. I LOOKED BETTER FOR I WAS ABLE TO BUY FOOD.. I FOUND ANOTHER JOB, BUT HID THE CANCER ISSUE, I KNEW THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HIRED ME.. I WORKED THERE JUNE -10 TO OCT,- 10... FINALLY I WAS WEARING DOWN , KNOWING THIS THING WAS INSIDE ME,, I BELIEVED GOD WOULD TAKE IT..YET I DON'T KNOW TO THIS DAY WHAT GOD IS GOING TO DO WITH ME...........I FOUND A SURGEON WHO WOULD REMOVE IT IN 2010 NOV.
HE SAID, IT WAS NOT ON MY CHEST WALL LIKE I WAS TOLD.. IT COULD HAVE COME OUT MONTHS BACK,,, I WAS IN SUCH BAD SHAPE I DIDN'T THINK I WOULDLIVE, I ASKED GOD IF THERE WAS NO WAY OF HEALING ME, AND I HAD TO DO TOXIC MAN MADE TREATMENTS, NO QUALITY OF LIFE,, LET IT BE OVER,,,,,,,, I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO WAKE UP AND I DID.. THEY LEFT ME WITH SOME OF MY TISSUE ON MY CHEST, I DON'T KNOW WHY, I ASKED, IF IT NEEDED TO ALL GO, I WAS READY FOR IT.... I BELIEVED I WAS ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY THEN IN 1/11 IT WAS BACK IN 3 SPOTS, THE SAME AREA.........SO THEY WERE REMOVED,,,,,,,,,,,,, THEN BACK AGAIN ,, SO 4/30/11 MORE MAJOR SURGERY TO REMOVE EVERYTHING.............MY BELIEFS, FAITH,, EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SHATERRED,,,, I AM NOT JOB,,NOR JESUS....MY MIND / BODY IS OVER WHELMED............. RECENTLY, THESE NEGATIVE PEOPLE BRINGING US UP TO DATE, HAVE SUGGESTED MY NAME WHOLE NAME AS CRAZY AS THIS SOUNDS IS THE ROOT CAUSE,,,,,,,,,,,,, HOW CAN PEOPLE DETERMINE THIS????// WHY WOULD GOD ALLOW ME TO HAVE A SO CALLED BAD NAME,, FOR I LOVE HIM????? WHY ALL THE SUFFERING ALL OF THOSE YEARS???????? WHY WAS I ALLOWED TO BE REATED SO BAD AT MY FORMER WORKPLACE, AND STILL DUE TO NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD, SURGERY, THINK I'M HEALING, THEN MORE SURGERY.. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH,,,,, I WANT TO MOVE AHEAD WITH LIFE NO MATTER WHAT, AND I'M NOT SEEMINGLY BEING ALLOWED TO, BY WHAT?? I DON'T KNOW......... AFRAID TO QUESTION IT.................. THE LAST 15 MONTHS HAVE BEEN STAGNANT,, VERY PAINFUL............ I REALLY BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO BE OK,, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.. I EVEN HAVE TOLD PEOPLE GOD HEALED ME THE LAST 14 YEARS,, WHEN I CAME ACROSS SOMEONE WHO WAS IN MY SHOES, TO GIVE THEM HOPE, STRENGTHEN THEIR FAITH....
. THE JOB ISSUE,, EVEN THOUGH THEY DID SOMETHING WITH HORRIBLE EFFECTS TO ME,, I DISLIKE WHAT THEY DID,, I DO NOT HATE ANYONE..
I JUST WISH TO HAVE MY NAM CLEARED.. THE EEOC JUST MADE THEIR DECISION, I WAS ABLE TO FIND 1 ATTORNEY OUT OF ABOUT 200 CALLS , WHO AGREED TO TRY TO HELP ME..BASED ON CONTINGENCY,, I AM STILL WORRIED........ I AM GRATEFUL FOR STILL BEING HERE, BUT WORRYING ABOUT EVERTHING I THINK, DO, EAT...,, MY MIND HAS JUST HAD ENOUGH,,I FEAR MY THOUGHTS, ( IF THEY AREN'T RIGHT,i'll be punished,, ) i'm afraid to think about anything anymore..
SO PLEASE,, IF ALL OF YOU CAN SEE WHY I AM SO OVERWHELMED,, WHY I NEED ADDITIONAL PRAYER,, I FEEL LIKE GOD DOESN'T CARE, AND THIS HURTS,, THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR TIME, I COULDN'T DESCRIBE WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING IN A FEW LINES..
SINCERELY, MADELYNN
