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I promise you and me that my next post will be practical tips on improving sexual intimacy in marriage. But today’s post is a bit more in-depth, as I’ve been thinking about something my father used to talk to me about—that the church is often fighting the last battle instead of the current one.
What is the past battle regarding sexuality that we’re fighting?
I don’t know for sure, but I’ve been wondering about several issues. Let me share my thoughts and encourage you to chime in with yours.
Hear me out. The Purity Culture movement, while well-intended in many regards, damaged many spouses who have struggled to come back from wrong messages about sexuality and instead embrace God’s design for sexual intimacy. Or those spouses ended up leaving their marriage, their faith, or both. I do not take that lightly.
But Purity Culture peaked in the 1990s and early 2000s, yet a look at how much books are talking about it shows that we’re far more engaged with the concept today. Take a look at this Google Ngram (cool tool!) showing mentions of Purity Culture terms in books from 1980 through 2022:
We should absolutely keep addressing the wrong messages about Purity Culture that impact couples today. But are churches really spreading that message now? Or do we have other issues that might need more focus?
We will always be fighting pornography. Looking upon images or people with selfish lust has never been God’s plan for our sexuality. But the framework of pornography is likely to change a lot in the next few years.
I grew up in a world where you had to seek out porn, while today you have to block out porn. But pornography has remained a mostly visual, two-dimensional experience. Whether a movie produced by an industry studio or a direct-to-user platform, porn has been a performer-consumer interaction.
With the advent of artificial intelligence (AI), we’re very likely to see the development of virtual reality and sex-bot partners that simulate not only sex but emotional connection. Is the Church ready to answer that?
I’ve used ChatGPT for brainstorming and specific research tasks, and one thing that has bothered me about it is how flattering it tends to be! I ask a question, and it praises me for my curiosity. I give a suggestion, and it commends me for my insight. I push back on misinformation, and it hails me for my knowledge. I roll my eyes and move on, but if this AI can stroke my ego about basic questions, what could a person-like AI do for someone who’s lonely and longs for intimacy?
Surely some will be drawn into this easy fix rather than pursuing the more difficult route of a relationship with a real person. Do we have a response to that temptation?
Christian Boomers and Gen Xers mostly grew up in the don’t do it / don’t talk about it generation. Christian Millennials felt the brunt of Purity Culture and its emphasis on a sexual prosperity gospel. But Christian Gen Z is dealing with a different set of challenges. Having grown up in the era of smartphones, the shutdown of a once-in-a-lifetime (we pray) pandemic, and endless sexual content online, they’re often unsure of how to pursue intimacy…of any kind.
What answers are we ready to provide for the generation now getting hitched and starting their lives together? Is what I’ve written about being sexually intimate applicable to young couples who’ve never learned to be fully present with one another in other contexts?
I don’t know the how to respond to this upcoming generation, but I’m increasingly aware that yesterday’s solutions won’t meet tomorrow’s troubles. And we need to be thinking through what newlywed couples need to hear and know about God’s plan for sexual wholeness.
Speaking of younger generations, no one distinguished between my sex, gender, and orientation growing up. I was a girl, identified as a girl, and thus was presumably attracted to boys. I was a sophomore in high school when American Movie Classics (AMC) began airing old movies, soon joined by Turner Movie Classics (TMC) and Chicago’s WGN. Watching those shows, I fell in love with the likes of Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, and Rock Hudson. One year later, Hudson contracted AIDS, and it was revealed that he’d contracted this awful disease through homosexual relationships. Shock rattled me. How could this hunky heartthrob be gay?
If you read that thinking what?!, then you’re likely a generation or two younger than me. But trust me—sexual orientation was not widely discussed a few decades ago. Now? We not only discuss it about those who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual; it’s a topic everyone is expected to consider.
Some Christian authors have done a great job taking this on! Juli Slattery, Preston Sprinkle, Jackie Hill Perry, Rebecca McLaughlin, and others come to mind. But have the rest of us grappled with the implications of this change?
How do we address couples who enter marriage wondering where they really are on the sexual orientation spectrum? Do we have a gentle yet biblical answer for what male and female really mean in the sexual content? Does any of this impact the sexual insights and tips we give to newlywed couples?
Do any of these issues concern you? Where do you think we’re fighting the last battle instead of today’s battle? And what other issues do you see coming down the pike?
The post Are We Fighting Today’s Sexuality Battles? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.
Continue reading...
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I promise you and me that my next post will be practical tips on improving sexual intimacy in marriage. But today’s post is a bit more in-depth, as I’ve been thinking about something my father used to talk to me about—that the church is often fighting the last battle instead of the current one.
What is the past battle regarding sexuality that we’re fighting?
I don’t know for sure, but I’ve been wondering about several issues. Let me share my thoughts and encourage you to chime in with yours.
Purity Culture
Hear me out. The Purity Culture movement, while well-intended in many regards, damaged many spouses who have struggled to come back from wrong messages about sexuality and instead embrace God’s design for sexual intimacy. Or those spouses ended up leaving their marriage, their faith, or both. I do not take that lightly.
But Purity Culture peaked in the 1990s and early 2000s, yet a look at how much books are talking about it shows that we’re far more engaged with the concept today. Take a look at this Google Ngram (cool tool!) showing mentions of Purity Culture terms in books from 1980 through 2022:
We should absolutely keep addressing the wrong messages about Purity Culture that impact couples today. But are churches really spreading that message now? Or do we have other issues that might need more focus?
Pornography
We will always be fighting pornography. Looking upon images or people with selfish lust has never been God’s plan for our sexuality. But the framework of pornography is likely to change a lot in the next few years.
I grew up in a world where you had to seek out porn, while today you have to block out porn. But pornography has remained a mostly visual, two-dimensional experience. Whether a movie produced by an industry studio or a direct-to-user platform, porn has been a performer-consumer interaction.
With the advent of artificial intelligence (AI), we’re very likely to see the development of virtual reality and sex-bot partners that simulate not only sex but emotional connection. Is the Church ready to answer that?
I’ve used ChatGPT for brainstorming and specific research tasks, and one thing that has bothered me about it is how flattering it tends to be! I ask a question, and it praises me for my curiosity. I give a suggestion, and it commends me for my insight. I push back on misinformation, and it hails me for my knowledge. I roll my eyes and move on, but if this AI can stroke my ego about basic questions, what could a person-like AI do for someone who’s lonely and longs for intimacy?
Surely some will be drawn into this easy fix rather than pursuing the more difficult route of a relationship with a real person. Do we have a response to that temptation?
Intimacy Obstacles
Christian Boomers and Gen Xers mostly grew up in the don’t do it / don’t talk about it generation. Christian Millennials felt the brunt of Purity Culture and its emphasis on a sexual prosperity gospel. But Christian Gen Z is dealing with a different set of challenges. Having grown up in the era of smartphones, the shutdown of a once-in-a-lifetime (we pray) pandemic, and endless sexual content online, they’re often unsure of how to pursue intimacy…of any kind.
What answers are we ready to provide for the generation now getting hitched and starting their lives together? Is what I’ve written about being sexually intimate applicable to young couples who’ve never learned to be fully present with one another in other contexts?
I don’t know the how to respond to this upcoming generation, but I’m increasingly aware that yesterday’s solutions won’t meet tomorrow’s troubles. And we need to be thinking through what newlywed couples need to hear and know about God’s plan for sexual wholeness.
Sexual Identity
Speaking of younger generations, no one distinguished between my sex, gender, and orientation growing up. I was a girl, identified as a girl, and thus was presumably attracted to boys. I was a sophomore in high school when American Movie Classics (AMC) began airing old movies, soon joined by Turner Movie Classics (TMC) and Chicago’s WGN. Watching those shows, I fell in love with the likes of Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, and Rock Hudson. One year later, Hudson contracted AIDS, and it was revealed that he’d contracted this awful disease through homosexual relationships. Shock rattled me. How could this hunky heartthrob be gay?
If you read that thinking what?!, then you’re likely a generation or two younger than me. But trust me—sexual orientation was not widely discussed a few decades ago. Now? We not only discuss it about those who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual; it’s a topic everyone is expected to consider.
Some Christian authors have done a great job taking this on! Juli Slattery, Preston Sprinkle, Jackie Hill Perry, Rebecca McLaughlin, and others come to mind. But have the rest of us grappled with the implications of this change?
How do we address couples who enter marriage wondering where they really are on the sexual orientation spectrum? Do we have a gentle yet biblical answer for what male and female really mean in the sexual content? Does any of this impact the sexual insights and tips we give to newlywed couples?
Do any of these issues concern you? Where do you think we’re fighting the last battle instead of today’s battle? And what other issues do you see coming down the pike?
The post Are We Fighting Today’s Sexuality Battles? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.
Continue reading...
