From Rejoice Marriage Ministries Here is some thing uplifting for standers. Ever wondered what the other person is feeling while we are waiting for God to bring them home? Here is a testimony from Bob who left his wife and after 2 years he came back, this is what he felt and went threw.
The Prodigal's Guilt And Shame
David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing." 2 Samuel 24:10
Many of the questions Charlyne and I receive are about the process of marriage restoration. Standers have trouble understanding what has happened when a prodigal spouse makes false starts toward coming home. The absent mate comes home, and then just as quickly leaves again, often becoming more distant than before. Some standers endure this cycle more than once before their mate stays home.
I decided to address two obstacles to coming home, as we prodigals see things. Those roadblocks are guilt and shame.
In the scripture passage above, David was "conscience-stricken" over his sin. "Bathsheba," you are thinking, "David should feel guilty!" Not exactly, because David's adultery with Bathsheba, and subsequently having her husband placed in battle so as to be killed, happened years before the above incident. David was a very old man, and nearing the end of his life. What had caused David to feel so guilty that the Bible tells us he was sleepless? He had counted his troops wrong.
"Playing with the numbers was a sin?" Yes, and it still is today. I pray that today you can see David, a lad who slew Goliath and was later chosen by God to be the leader of his people. He committed adultery, caused a murder, and much more. David came back to God in repentance. Now near the end of his life, David is crying out to God, simply because he had played with the numbers.
Even though your prodigal spouse has never killed a giant, nor led a nation, the one you love may be at the Bathsheba stage of a David lifestyle today. Their sin is very open, and they seem to have no shame. My wife and I pray that by helping you to see where your prodigal really is right now, that you can continue to stand and pray for their repentance, regardless of the timetable. Remember, God is always right on time.
Can you envision your returned prodigal, late in life, so sensitive to the things of God that they toss and turn at night over what some people would pass off as a "white lie?" Please allow me to explain.
Let's compare where your spouse is right now to the pendulum on an old grandfather clock. The farther the pendulum is pulled to one side, the farther to the other side it will go, but only when released. Your assignment is to pray for the release of your mate from the clutches of sin.
Restoration is a process that starts with coming home. That is the beginning, and not the end. Yes, there are ups and downs as the prodigal grieves the absence of the other person, and as you re-adjust to each other as husband and wife. There may be child issues, financial concerns and a hundred other things that always result in a trip to the pig pens of life. Above all else, know that the enemy will use every opportunity in attempts to destroy a restoring couple.
From my own experience, and from talking with other men and women who are years into restored marriages, the consensus seems to be "I'll never go there again." Could that be where David found himself in this passage? He recalls the trouble that earlier sin had caused him, and it frightens him.
Are you prepared to deal with your prodigal's guilt and shame when they come home? If not, you are not ready for restoration. When your prodigal utters, "I feel so ashamed," are you going to reply, "You should," or are you prepared to offer the comfort in Jesus that they will be needing?
Guilt and shame are powerful tools of Satan. They attempt to convince us prodigals that the journey home is impossible. No one can walk out on a family, regardless of the circumstances, and not feel guilty. We prodigals may have our shame masked for a season, but there will be a day in the restoration process when we must come face to face with what we have done.
After divorce, the other woman and I attended a large church that Charlyne and I had attended. One of the ushers had been a friend of ours. When I was with the other woman, that man would go out of his way to avoid meeting me in an aisle. In my sinful state, I enjoyed seeing him side-step into a pew to avoid having to greet me. Only after I had come home, did I realize how shameful my actions had been, and the position I had put that man in.
We need to look at the shame of the stander as well. There is one phrase I pray that you never, never utter. Do not end a sentence with "...after what you've put this family through," or any words even remotely close to that thought. If you are still harboring shame over what your mate has done, you are not ready for restoration. Release any shame to the Lord today.
Your prodigal may be viewing their guilt and shame as two huge walls blocking them from your home. Charlyne and I pray that you will be able to demolish those walls and pave the pathway home with your prayers. We want your prodigal to become like a David, so sensitive to you, and to our God, that nothing damaging will be allowed into those two relationships.
Is that even possible? Not only is it possible, it is also probable. Today you may be facing what seems like huge obstacles. Your spouse and the other person might be co- workers. There may be ongoing contact between them. Nothing good will ever be accomplished by your spying, but all things are possible through your praying.
If you continue to stand strong, even after the prodigal returns, and take your counsel from God, not from people, there will come a day when your spouse realizes their full love, devotion, and attention belong at home, to be shared with a spouse and with God, not shared between a spouse and a counterfeit.
Charlyne and I are honored that we have prodigal spouses subscribed to these daily messages. As an aside to you, I promise that it is possible to get over that other person. The key is having absolutely no contact with the other person, for any reason, for six months. During that time, God will help you deal with the guilt and shame. The affection you feel now will diminish with time. On the other hand, each contact is like tossing gasoline into a fire. It is worth the pain to have your spouse and family back again.
You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you. May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the Lord Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:5-6
The Prodigal's Guilt And Shame
David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing." 2 Samuel 24:10
Many of the questions Charlyne and I receive are about the process of marriage restoration. Standers have trouble understanding what has happened when a prodigal spouse makes false starts toward coming home. The absent mate comes home, and then just as quickly leaves again, often becoming more distant than before. Some standers endure this cycle more than once before their mate stays home.
I decided to address two obstacles to coming home, as we prodigals see things. Those roadblocks are guilt and shame.
In the scripture passage above, David was "conscience-stricken" over his sin. "Bathsheba," you are thinking, "David should feel guilty!" Not exactly, because David's adultery with Bathsheba, and subsequently having her husband placed in battle so as to be killed, happened years before the above incident. David was a very old man, and nearing the end of his life. What had caused David to feel so guilty that the Bible tells us he was sleepless? He had counted his troops wrong.
"Playing with the numbers was a sin?" Yes, and it still is today. I pray that today you can see David, a lad who slew Goliath and was later chosen by God to be the leader of his people. He committed adultery, caused a murder, and much more. David came back to God in repentance. Now near the end of his life, David is crying out to God, simply because he had played with the numbers.
Even though your prodigal spouse has never killed a giant, nor led a nation, the one you love may be at the Bathsheba stage of a David lifestyle today. Their sin is very open, and they seem to have no shame. My wife and I pray that by helping you to see where your prodigal really is right now, that you can continue to stand and pray for their repentance, regardless of the timetable. Remember, God is always right on time.
Can you envision your returned prodigal, late in life, so sensitive to the things of God that they toss and turn at night over what some people would pass off as a "white lie?" Please allow me to explain.
Let's compare where your spouse is right now to the pendulum on an old grandfather clock. The farther the pendulum is pulled to one side, the farther to the other side it will go, but only when released. Your assignment is to pray for the release of your mate from the clutches of sin.
Restoration is a process that starts with coming home. That is the beginning, and not the end. Yes, there are ups and downs as the prodigal grieves the absence of the other person, and as you re-adjust to each other as husband and wife. There may be child issues, financial concerns and a hundred other things that always result in a trip to the pig pens of life. Above all else, know that the enemy will use every opportunity in attempts to destroy a restoring couple.
From my own experience, and from talking with other men and women who are years into restored marriages, the consensus seems to be "I'll never go there again." Could that be where David found himself in this passage? He recalls the trouble that earlier sin had caused him, and it frightens him.
Are you prepared to deal with your prodigal's guilt and shame when they come home? If not, you are not ready for restoration. When your prodigal utters, "I feel so ashamed," are you going to reply, "You should," or are you prepared to offer the comfort in Jesus that they will be needing?
Guilt and shame are powerful tools of Satan. They attempt to convince us prodigals that the journey home is impossible. No one can walk out on a family, regardless of the circumstances, and not feel guilty. We prodigals may have our shame masked for a season, but there will be a day in the restoration process when we must come face to face with what we have done.
After divorce, the other woman and I attended a large church that Charlyne and I had attended. One of the ushers had been a friend of ours. When I was with the other woman, that man would go out of his way to avoid meeting me in an aisle. In my sinful state, I enjoyed seeing him side-step into a pew to avoid having to greet me. Only after I had come home, did I realize how shameful my actions had been, and the position I had put that man in.
We need to look at the shame of the stander as well. There is one phrase I pray that you never, never utter. Do not end a sentence with "...after what you've put this family through," or any words even remotely close to that thought. If you are still harboring shame over what your mate has done, you are not ready for restoration. Release any shame to the Lord today.
Your prodigal may be viewing their guilt and shame as two huge walls blocking them from your home. Charlyne and I pray that you will be able to demolish those walls and pave the pathway home with your prayers. We want your prodigal to become like a David, so sensitive to you, and to our God, that nothing damaging will be allowed into those two relationships.
Is that even possible? Not only is it possible, it is also probable. Today you may be facing what seems like huge obstacles. Your spouse and the other person might be co- workers. There may be ongoing contact between them. Nothing good will ever be accomplished by your spying, but all things are possible through your praying.
If you continue to stand strong, even after the prodigal returns, and take your counsel from God, not from people, there will come a day when your spouse realizes their full love, devotion, and attention belong at home, to be shared with a spouse and with God, not shared between a spouse and a counterfeit.
Charlyne and I are honored that we have prodigal spouses subscribed to these daily messages. As an aside to you, I promise that it is possible to get over that other person. The key is having absolutely no contact with the other person, for any reason, for six months. During that time, God will help you deal with the guilt and shame. The affection you feel now will diminish with time. On the other hand, each contact is like tossing gasoline into a fire. It is worth the pain to have your spouse and family back again.
You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you. May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the Lord Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:5-6
