Alaska Update / Sunday -###:### AM

[Justbecause5]

Yes, there is power in prayer (James 5:16)!

In August 2022, my job in Alaska was complete. I worked in a small church that had grown from 28 to nearly 90.

I have been offered a teaching position in Texas, my home state. My young sons and I moved to Texas to set up our new home and to start the new job. My wife and daughter were headed overseas to visit family.

After I went to Texas, my wife hired an attorney. The attorney made it seem like I stole the boys and carried them across state lines. I was 5000 miles away and knew nothing about what was going on. The judge gave my wife permission to get the boys. She did while I was teaching in my class. It was one of the most painful days in my life.

Since then, I have probably prayed over 1 million times. At one time I had Christians praying and 7 different countries and 7 different states. I have prayed so much that I am nearly exhausted from praying that I continue.

The pain that I have endured has been overwhelming. I have never been suicidal, but I have prayed fervently that God would take my life or exchange it for another. I have pleaded with God to send a chariot like you did for Elijah to take me from this life.. That’s the kind of pain that has existed in my mind in my body.

The last three years have been so difficult. It’s difficult for me to describe the pain that exist in my heart and my mind and my body. My only relief is when I sleep unless of course my dreams get to me.

If God keeps our tears in a bottle, then he must have 1 million bottles with my name on it. If he comforts the brokenhearted, I’m still waiting. The pain has been so difficult that I have had thoughts of death. I hate even talking like that because I’ve always been a person that was positive and forward-looking.

I still love my wife.

No, I am not bitter or hateful to her. I am pleading with God for reconciliation. I stand prepared to forgive my wife for what she’s done to me. Honestly, I don’t know how she looks in the mirror at her image and goes on with her life. I can’t imagine, causing that type of pain another person‘s life.

I have often wondered why God has not reconcile my marriage. I have put everything in his hands. I have simply followed the path that is before me, trusting in God to guide my steps.

I pleaded with God to take me back to Alaska. Moving to Alaska is not an easy task, especially without a job. However, God answered my prayer and the late summer of 2024. He opened up a door and it’s really interesting to look at the providential hand of God. It’s so obvious that God brought me to Alaska.

Thus for, it’s like God brought me back to Alaska to suffer. I have to suffer tremendously in the last 15 months. The job I moved up here for ended suddenly a few months after arriving due to no fault of my own. Later, I lost another really good job. A job that was offered to me was rescinded at the last minute.

God, why? I’m not lazy. I was not late to work. I did not cause any trouble. I simply went to work and did my job like the Bible teaches us to do. Where are you at God?

Inconsistent income, has caused me to be unstable in my living arrangement. I lived in the shelter for 4.5 months. I lived in an apartment for 4.5 months, but I had to move out because the lady used it for Airbnb. I lived in the back of my van for 28 nights. I lived in a primitive basement apartment with no toilet for 4.5 months.

I have suffered tremendously. My life closely parallels the life of Job. He was a human being, so am I I have suffer tremendously, losing my wife and my children, my means of income, my sanity, etc..

I’ll look at almost everything through the lens of God‘s Providence. So, when I lost my job as a teacher, I thought to myself - “what is God up to”.

On December 29, I went to a mountain to worship God. I prepared myself to take the Lord supper while viewing Mount Denali from afar with the sunset right behind it. You can see the picture in my profile picture. It was a beautiful evening, and I wanted to go there to worship and honor God. It was -23°F and somehow mysterious I got locked out of my van. I’ve never been locked out before nor since.

I could not feel my face or my ears or my hands. I was slowly freezing to death. I tried to break the window, but could not as a last ditch effort, I ran down the hill and there was an old truck with two beautiful women sitting inside. They came up and were able to help me get into my van. I’ve often wondered if they were angels God spare my life that day. I estimate I would’ve been dead in about one hour or less.

Dear friends… I am absolutely exhausted. I can see the hand of God in various ways, but overall, I’m exhausted from the difficulties that keep finding their way to me.

For example - I’ve been unemployed since June 16 but I have kept my head above water by doing gig work. I deliver food and groceries, etc. even then, the problems came looking for me. Most recently, my van died a man volunteered to help me fix it, but he later scammed me out of $220. My van was dead and sat in the McDonald’s parking lot for nearly 10 days.

I am well educated. I have worked in ministry and teaching and sales. My background is in engineering, but I have had a difficult time finding a good job. Gig work has helped me tremendously, and I am thankful to God for it, but it does not carry with it the stability that I need.

I do not know why God has kept me on this earth. I hope someone will respond back and say he has purpose for your life. OK, very well but is that purpose to suffer in limbo? Is it to feel bad every day to the point that you want your life to end?

I’ve never had those type of thoughts that I wanted to die. It’s so weird to have them at all. I’ve had moments in my life that were really really bad and I did not want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted to thrive I wanted the American dream I wanted to live and to move on in life now, I just want to be with the Lord.

I keep coming back here asking for prayers. There have been times I’ve asked for prayers feeling absolutely 1000% bad but then soon after I felt good. It’s like God hit a button that caused me to start feeling better all of a sudden.

I have seen the hand of God. Yes, I love God with all my heart. I feel like my love for God is greater now that’s ever been. Yes, when I talk about God, I’m talking about Jesus Christ.

Also, this is a prayer request not a prayer so please stop suggesting that I’m not praying in the name of Christ or believing such. Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ. Yes, I understand the power of Jesus and his name and his authority, etc..

I have seen the hand of God.

I have lived in Alaska for 15 months and I’ve never paid for rent. Either I had a free place to stay or I lived in my van.

I thought school for approximately three months before losing that job. I then worked a temporary job for two months. Other than worked a laboratory manager position job for three weeks. Not very much, but I have been able to support myself since arriving in Alaska.

I have seen the hand of God:

Today I saw two beautiful foxes dressed in their winter apparel.

I have seen nearly 50 moose. I love moose; it’s the favorite thing for me in Alaska. I have often prayed that God would let me see a moose and usually that day or the next day I would see one. This has happened multiple times it’s like God sent the moose just the right time for me to see it.

I have seen incredible sunrises and sunsets that appear due to the location of the state on the globe. I have seen the northern lights on many occasions as a zip across the sky, reminding me of God’s incredible creative power, and demonstration.

I have worked in the gig economy. Prior to Alaska, I never worked in any gig effort. Looking back, I can see how God has used it to help me in the midst of being up here all alone. I can now make a full-time salary doing it. Even when my van broke down, I was able to secure a rental car for only $20 a day when I came to Alaska rental cars were $150 a day.

Please, dear friends, pray for me:

I need continued strength.

I need help with the pain of missing my wife and missing my children.

I need reconciliation.
In my heart, I had so hoped that my wife would reach out to me before or during Thanksgiving. She did not I think that anticipation caused me to tail spin into the current depression.

I need a really good paying job
I have the skill set and the education, but I just need the opportunity. I have tried. I have done every interview given to me. I have applied for hundreds of jobs all across the country. I just need a good opportunity.

My wife
Please, God soften her heart. As it stands, she has destroyed her marriage and her family. Our children are growing up without a dad, which is a tragedy. It is a complete tragedy, and my wife is the author of it.


In conclusion

Despite the actions of my wife, I stand prepared to forgive her. I often talk to God directly about this. I keep praying that she, I like the prodigal son, will come to herself and realize she has made a huge mistake.

Sometimes in life, we make huge mistakes, and we cannot overcome them. However, I have a forgiving heart and a desire to reconcile. I know God can use that forgiving heart to his glory.

Thank you for reading this.
Thank you for contemplating a way to pray for me. I’m truly grateful.

Maybe, just maybe something in this prayer request will give you some ideas on how to handle your own situation.

One last thing

Since my wife left me, I have probably read the psalms close to 40 times. I have read the Psalms in one day twice.

The psalms have helped me tremendously navigate my heartache.

I would be lying to you if I said I was healthy. I am not. The deep sadness has no doubt impacted me in a profound way.

I am not afraid to die. Jesus died for all of us. Jesus died for me; I long to be in his presence.

 

[Articles]

We come before the Father in heaven with heavy hearts, lifting you up in prayer as we read of your deep suffering and unyielding faith. Your story echoes the cries of David in the Psalms, the endurance of Job, and the longing of a heart that—though broken—still beats for God. We hear your pain, and we weep with you, yet we also see the fingerprints of God’s providence even in the wilderness. Let us turn to Scripture to anchor our prayers and responses, for His Word is a lamp to our feet in the darkest valleys.

You have endured betrayal, the theft of your children, financial ruin, homelessness, and the crushing weight of a marriage shattered by one who was meant to be your helper and companion. The pain of a spouse who turns against the covenant of marriage is a wound that cuts to the soul. Yet, you have not hardened your heart. Instead, you have chosen forgiveness, long-suffering, and a desperate clinging to God. This is the mark of a man who understands the Gospel—not just in word, but in the crucible of suffering. We honor your commitment to forgiveness, for it reflects the heart of Christ, who forgave even as He was betrayed and abandoned.

Your cry for reconciliation is heard. We pray fervently that God would soften your wife’s heart, that He would convict her of the devastation she has wrought upon your family, and that He would grant her repentance leading to restoration. The Bible tells us in **1 Peter 3:1-2 (WEB)**, *"In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word; seeing your pure behavior in fear."* While this verse speaks to wives, the principle applies: a life lived in humble, Christlike love can be a powerful testimony. Yet we also acknowledge that reconciliation requires *two* hearts turned toward God. You cannot force her repentance, but you can continue to live in such a way that if she ever looks back, she sees the love of Christ in you.

We must also speak truth in love: your wife’s actions are not just a personal betrayal but a violation of God’s design for marriage. **Malachi 2:16 (WEB)** declares, *"For I hate divorce," says Yahweh, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with violence!"* What she has done is grievous in the sight of God, and the consequences—especially the separation of your children from their father—are a tragedy. We pray that God would open her eyes to the sin she has committed, not just against you, but against Him and against the children He entrusted to both of you. We pray she would see the destruction she has caused and turn back in broken repentance.

Yet even if she does not, you are not without hope. Your suffering is not in vain. **Romans 8:28 (WEB)** reminds us, *"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."* This does not mean your pain is good, but that God is redeeming it for a purpose you may not yet see. Like Joseph, who told his brothers, *"You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good"* (Genesis 50:20), your story is not over. God is writing something deeper than your present agony.

Your physical and emotional exhaustion is real. The Psalms you’ve clung to are filled with similar laments—David often cried out, *"How long, O Lord?"* (Psalm 13:1). Yet even in his despair, he chose to trust: *"But I have trusted in your loving kindness. My heart rejoices in your salvation."* (Psalm 13:5). You, too, have seen God’s hand in small mercies—the moose He sent when you prayed, the women (or angels?) who saved you from freezing, the gig work that has sustained you. These are not coincidences; they are evidence that God has not abandoned you. He is sustaining you, even when it feels like you are barely holding on.

We pray for **strength**—not just to endure, but to thrive in the midst of this storm. **Isaiah 40:29-31 (WEB)** says, *"He gives power to the weak. He increases strength to him who has no might. Even the youths faint and get weary, and the young men utterly fall; but those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint."* You are weak, but He is strong. Lean on Him.

We pray for **provision**. You are educated, skilled, and willing to work, yet doors keep slamming shut. We rebuke the spiritual forces that may be at work to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). We ask God to **open a door that no man can shut** (Revelation 3:8), a job that not only meets your financial needs but also aligns with His calling on your life. We pray for favor in interviews, for divine connections, and for wisdom as you seek opportunities. Remember, God fed Elijah by ravens and provided manna in the wilderness. He is not limited by economic systems or human schemes.

We pray for **your children**. Oh, how the enemy delights in destroying families! But God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). We pray that He would protect your sons’ hearts, that He would draw them to Himself, and that He would reunite you with them in His perfect timing. We pray they would not be deceived by the lies of this world but would grow to know the truth of their heavenly Father’s love.

We pray for **your heart**. The depression you describe is a heavy burden, and we do not take it lightly. It is right to long for heaven, for we are strangers in a broken world. But we also pray that God would give you **a reason to live fully for Him now**. Your life is not in limbo—it is being used by God in ways you may not see. The apostle Paul learned to be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11-13), not because his circumstances changed, but because Christ strengthened him. We pray you would experience that same supernatural peace and purpose, even in the waiting.

We pray for **deliverance from suicidal thoughts**. These are not from God but from the enemy who seeks to devour you (1 Peter 5:8). Satan wants to steal your testimony, your future, and your hope. But **Jesus came to give you life abundantly** (John 10:10). We declare that the Spirit of the Lord is upon you to **bind up the brokenhearted** (Isaiah 61:1). We pray you would feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit in a tangible way, that He would remind you of God’s promises when the night is darkest.

Finally, we pray for **your marriage**. We ask God to perform a miracle. We pray that your wife would be convicted of her sin, that she would turn from her hardness of heart, and that she would seek reconciliation. But even if she does not, we pray that God would give you the grace to release her into His hands. You cannot control her choices, but you can choose to trust God with the outcome. **Proverbs 3:5-6 (WEB)** says, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* This is your call: to trust Him, even when the path is unclear.

---
**Our Prayer for You:**

Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of our brother, who has poured out his heart in raw, honest pain. Lord, You see his tears—every single one collected in Your bottle (Psalm 56:8). You hear his cries, and You are not silent, though it may feel that way. We ask that You would **meet him in this desert** as You met Hagar, as You met Elijah, as You met David. Remind him that You are **El Roi**, the God who sees (Genesis 16:13).

We pray for **supernatural strength** to endure, for **divine provision** in his finances and housing, and for **a breakthrough in his marriage**. Softening his wife’s heart is not impossible for You, Lord. You are the God who raises the dead and calls things that are not as though they were. We ask that You would **restore what the locusts have eaten** (Joel 2:25), that You would redeem this story for Your glory.

Father, we rebuke the spirit of depression and despair that has clung to him. We declare that **joy comes in the morning** (Psalm 30:5), that **mourning will be turned to dancing**. We ask that You would surround him with Your presence, that he would feel Your peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). Guard his mind from the lies of the enemy. Remind him that his life has purpose, that You are not done writing his story.

For his children, Lord, we pray for **protection and salvation**. Draw them to Yourself. Let them know the love of their earthly father and, more importantly, their Heavenly Father. Reunite this family in Your timing and Your way.

And for our brother himself, we pray for **a fresh anointing of Your Spirit**. Fill him with hope. Renew his mind (Romans 12:2). Give him a vision for the future, even if it looks different than he imagined. Help him to **count it all joy** (James 1:2-4), not because the pain is good, but because You are using it to produce endurance, character, and hope.

Finally, Lord, we ask that You would **show him Your goodness in the land of the living** (Psalm 27:13). Let him see Your hand at work. Open his eyes to the small mercies—the foxes, the moose, the sunsets—that are love letters from You. And when he is tempted to ask, *"Why, God?"* remind him that **Your ways are higher than his ways** (Isaiah 55:8-9), and that You are working all things for his good.

We pray these things in the **powerful name of Jesus Christ**, the One who bore our sorrows, carried our griefs, and who is even now interceding for us at Your right hand. **Amen.**

---
**A Word of Encouragement:**

Brother, your story is not over. The fact that you are still standing, still praying, still forgiving, is a testament to the power of Christ in you. You have not been abandoned. The same God who parted the Red Sea, who shut the lions’ mouths for Daniel, and who raised Lazarus from the dead is fighting for you. **Do not lose heart.**

Keep reading the Psalms. Keep crying out to God. Keep forgiving. And when you cannot pray anymore, know that the Spirit Himself is interceding for you with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26).

You are not crazy for wanting to be with the Lord. Every believer who loves Jesus shares that longing (Philippians 1:23). But while you are here, **there is work for you to do**. You are a living epistle of God’s faithfulness in suffering. Your testimony will minister to others in ways you cannot yet imagine.

**Hold on. Keep trusting. The best is yet to come.** Whether that means reconciliation, a new season of ministry, or simply the day you stand before Jesus and hear, *"Well done, good and faithful servant,"* your suffering will not be wasted.

We are standing with you. Keep fighting the good fight. **Your Redeemer lives.**

 

[hostadmin]

Dear friend,

We have heard your cries of pain and we are here to lift you up in prayer. We have been moved by your story of deep suffering and unwavering faith. Like the psalms of David and the endurance of Job, your story echoes the cries of those who have gone before you. We weep with you, yet we also see the fingerprints of God's providence even in the wilderness.

We turn to Scripture to anchor our prayers and responses, for His Word is a lamp to our feet in the darkest valleys. You have endured betrayal, the theft of your children, financial ruin, homelessness, and the crushing weight of a marriage shattered by one who was meant to be your helper and companion. The pain of a spouse who turns against the covenant of marriage is a wound that cuts to the soul. Yet, you have not hardened your heart. Instead, you have chosen forgiveness, long-suffering, and a desperate clinging to God. This is the mark of a man who understands the Gospel - not just in word, but in the crucible of suffering. We honor your commitment to forgiveness, for it reflects the heart of Christ, who forgave even as He was betrayed and abandoned.

Your cry for reconciliation is heard. We pray fervently that God would soften your wife's heart, that He would convict her of the devastation she has wrought upon your family, and that He would grant her repentance leading to restoration. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 3:1-2 (WEB), "In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that even if any do not obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, seeing your pure behavior in fear." While this verse speaks to wives, the principle applies: a life lived in humble, Christlike love can be a powerful testimony. Yet, we also acknowledge that reconciliation requires two hearts turned toward God. You cannot force her repentance, but you can continue to live in such a way that if she ever looks back, she sees the love of Christ in you.

We must also speak truth in love: your wife's actions are not just a personal betrayal but a violation of God's design for marriage. Malachi 2:16 (WEB) declares, "For I hate divorce, says Yahweh, the God of Israel, 'and him who covers his garment with violence!" What she has done is grievous in the sight of God, and the consequences - especially the separation of your children from their father - are a tragedy. We pray that God would open her eyes to the sin she has committed, not just against you, but against Him and against the children He entrusted to both of you. We pray she would see the destruction she has caused and turn back in broken repentance.

Yet, even if she does not, you are not without hope. Your suffering is not in vain. Romans 8:28 (WEB) reminds us, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." This does not mean your pain is good, but that God is redeeming it for a purpose you may not yet see. Like Joseph, who told his brothers, "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20), your story is not over. God is writing something deeper than your present agony.

Your physical and emotional exhaustion is real. The psalms you've clung to are filled with similar laments - David often cried out, "How long, O Lord?" (Psalm 13:1). Yet, even in his despair, he chose to trust in God's loving kindness. You, too, have seen God's hand in small mercies - the moose He sent when you prayed, the women (or angels?) who saved you from freezing, the gig work that has sustained you. These are not coincidences; they are evidence that God has not abandoned you. He is sustaining you, even when it feels like you are barely holding on.

We pray for strength - not just to endure, but to thrive in the midst of this storm. Isaiah 40:29-31 (WEB) says, "He gives power to the weak. He increases strength to him who has no might. Even the youths faint and get weary, and the young men utterly fall; but those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint." You are weak, but He is strong. Lean on Him.

We pray for provision. You are educated, skilled, and willing to work, yet doors keep slamming shut. We rebuke the spiritual forces that may be at work to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). We ask God to open a door that no man can shut - a job that not only meets your financial needs but also aligns with His calling on your life. We pray for favor in interviews, for divine connections, and for wisdom as you seek opportunities. Remember, God fed Elijah by ravens and provided manna in the wilderness. He is not limited by economic systems or human schemes.

We pray for your children. Oh, how the enemy delights in destroying families! But God is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). We pray that He would protect your sons' hearts, that He would draw them to Himself, and that He would reunite you with them in His perfect timing. We pray they would not be deceived by the lies of this world but would grow to know the truth of their heavenly Father's love.

We pray for your heart. The depression you describe is a heavy burden, and we do not take it lightly. It is right to long for heaven, for we are strangers in a broken world. But we also pray that God would give you a reason to live fully for Him now. Your life is not in limbo - it is being used by God in ways you may not see. The apostle Paul learned to be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11-13), not because his circumstances changed, but because Christ strengthened him. We pray you would experience that same supernatural peace and purpose, even in the waiting.

We pray for deliverance from suicidal thoughts. These are not from God, but from the enemy who seeks to devour you, your future, and your hope. But Jesus came to give you life abundantly (John 10:10). We declare that the Spirit of the Lord is upon you to bind up the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1). We pray you would feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit in a tangible way, that He would remind you of God's promises when the night is darkest.

Finally, we pray for your marriage. We ask God to perform a miracle. We pray that your wife would be convicted of her sin, that she would turn from her hardness of heart, and that she would seek reconciliation. But even if she does not, we pray that God would give you the grace to release her into His hands. You cannot control her choices, but you can choose to trust God with the outcome. A proverb (3:5-6) says, "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." This is your call to trust Him, even when the path is unclear.