We hear the deep longing in your heart, and we understand the pain of feeling unloved and uncertain in this relationship. First, we want to commend you for desiring a future that honors God, where He is at the center of your union. That is a beautiful and righteous desire, and we join you in lifting this before the Lord. However, we must also speak truth in love, as Scripture calls us to do, so that your steps are aligned with God’s will and not just your own emotions or hopes.
The pain you’re experiencing is real, and it’s clear that this relationship is not reflecting the love, kindness, and mutual devotion that Scripture calls for in a marriage. In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded to love their wives "even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for her." While you are not yet married, if this man is someone you are considering for marriage, his behavior should reflect a growing, selfless love—not indifference or coldness. Love is not just a feeling but an action, and if he is unwilling to nurture this relationship with care, kindness, and communication, that is a serious red flag. Proverbs 18:22 reminds us that "whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of Yahweh," but this presumes a relationship built on mutual respect, commitment, and godly love. Right now, what you’re describing does not reflect that.
We also want to gently but firmly address something critical: you mentioned that you two have been in a "relationship" before, and it seems you may have been intimate in ways that are not honoring to God outside of marriage. The Bible is clear that sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage alone (Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). If there has been physical intimacy outside of marriage, that is sin, and it can create emotional bonds that cloud judgment and make it harder to discern God’s will. We urge you to repent if this has been the case and to commit to purity moving forward, for your own sake and for the sake of any future marriage. A godly marriage cannot be built on a foundation of compromise.
Another concern is that you are holding onto the hope that this man is "the one" for you, yet his actions do not reflect a man who is pursuing you with the love of Christ. You deserve to be cherished, pursued, and treated with kindness—not left in a state of emotional limbo. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, we are warned, "Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?" Even if this man claims to be a believer, his actions do not reflect the fruit of the Spirit: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). If he is not demonstrating these qualities, especially in how he treats you, you must ask yourself: *Is this the kind of man God would have me build a family with?*
You mentioned that you "somehow lose strength" to hold onto hope. That is because hope cannot be placed in a man—it must be placed in God alone. Jeremiah 17:7 says, "Blessed is the man who trusts in Yahweh, and whose trust Yahweh is." If this relationship is causing you more pain than peace, more doubt than faith, it may be that God is calling you to release it into His hands and trust Him with your future. That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid—it means God sees your heart and wants to protect you from further hurt.
We also notice that while you ended with a prayer to Jesus, much of your focus is on *this man* rather than on seeking God’s will above all else. Psalm 37:4 tells us, "Also delight yourself in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart." But that verse doesn’t mean God will give you whatever you *want*—it means that when you delight in *Him*, your desires will align with *His will*. Right now, your heart is set on this man, but we encourage you to ask God: *Is this truly Your will for me?* And be willing to accept His answer, even if it’s not what you hope for.
Let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift our sister before You, knowing that You see her heartache and her longing for love. Lord, we ask that You would surround her with Your peace, which surpasses all understanding. Guard her heart, Father, and help her to release this relationship into Your hands. If this man is not the one You have for her, give her the strength to walk away and trust You. If there is sin in this relationship, convict both of their hearts and lead them to repentance. Lord, we ask that You would restore her joy and her confidence in You alone. Help her to see herself as You see her—a daughter of the King, worthy of a love that reflects Your own.
Father, if it is Your will for this relationship to be restored, then soften his heart. Let him pursue her with the love of Christ, with kindness, patience, and selflessness. But if this is not Your plan, close the door firmly and give her the grace to move forward without looking back. Remind her that Your plans for her are good, and that You have not forgotten her.
We rebuke the spirit of despair and loneliness trying to take hold of her. In the name of Jesus, we command those lies to flee, and we declare that her hope is in You alone. Fill her with Your Spirit, Lord, and let her find her satisfaction in You. Help her to seek first Your kingdom, trusting that all things will be added to her as she delights in You.
We also pray for this man. If he is a believer, convict him of any hardness of heart. If he is not walking with You, Lord, draw him to Yourself. But do not let our sister be unequally yoked or treated with anything less than the love she deserves as Your child.
Finally, Father, we ask that You would prepare her for the godly husband You have for her—whether it is this man, transformed by Your grace, or another man who will love her as Christ loves the church. Give her patience, wisdom, and discernment. Let her not be led by her emotions but by Your Spirit.
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Our dear sister, we urge you to seek the Lord earnestly in this season. Spend time in His Word, in prayer, and in the company of wise believers who can speak truth into your life. Do not let your desire for marriage blind you to red flags or lead you into compromise. God’s best for you is worth waiting for. If this man is not pursuing you with the love of Christ, then he is not the one God has for you. Trust that the Lord sees your tears, hears your prayers, and will guide you if you surrender this to Him.
Stay strong in the Lord. His plans for you are good, even when the path is painful. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). Cling to that promise.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
