K
kristie
Guest
A stander who is in the position of having some interactive moments with her spouse, and the other woman is still very active in the situation, contacted me for advise on how to battle this situation. I wanted to share this with everyone, because it is a place where many standers will find themselves in their stands, the pre-courting or courting stage with your spouse when the other person is still the main focus of the spouse. Hope it helps.
Okay sis, you are in the same exact situation I was in for a year and it was the hardest and longest hand to hand combat battle of my entire stand, so first off I pray that yours does not endure as long as mine first thing. I know that mine endured so long and was so vicious because it was the final battle of all the battles in my situation, satan bringing out his biggest most demonic gun with this particular ow, and fortunitely most standers do not have stands like my own, thank the Lord. I am just a prime target for satan with this ministry so he works harder on me.
However, you do have a very aggressive ow in this situation, and God has revealed to me that there are three demonic spirits that operate in these women, all three being different level demonic spirits. It is hard for me to know which one she is just from your posts, but I am guessing that she is the highest due to her persistance, this or she is a lower level and really just is in the dark about you completely. Regardless, we are going to fight this in the same manner at this point since he is in this tug of war stage.
This is going to be spiritual warfare tactic, but we are also going to do some physical world tactic here too, this because that is where your husband is operating, and this ow. So along with spiritual warfare of speaking the scriptures out loud over this woman, over your marriage, fasting, taking communion and all the spiritual warfare things we do, you are going to start fighting on her level so to speak. Do not do anything with any photos of you and him except enjoy them sis. Now, as long as he is not living with her and he has his own private mailing address, I am going to suggest to you that you at least once a week to twice a week, mail him a romantic card. In doing this you balance out the avenues of pursuit of him. You are the hidden one, therefore she is fully open to accepted pursuit of him and she is utilizing it by calling him constantly, going to see him, asking him to come see her, giving him gifts and such. Whereas you are unbalanced in this with her because you are the hidden one. Some of the craziness in this is that he rejects your pursuit of him because you are a big secret and your pursuit puts him a risk with her, however at the same time satan will twist this in his mind and make him think that you do not care as much as her because she pursues and you dont. It is a darned if you do, darned if you dont. So you have to find other means of pursual of him, ones that do not put him at risk. It is kind of like he demands his space with you, but then he uses it against you in twisting what he demands into being your fault and that you do not care enough like she does. Example, I was not allowed at my husbands house, yet all I ever heard was that I dont love him like she does because I dont come after him at his house. You have to play by their rules, but they will then beat you up for doing so. Everything with them is twisted in their minds, so expect that and it can be maddening at times and very frustrating. So what you do to combat this is you pursue but you do it in a non-invasive way, and sending cards of love is non-invasive but they control when they open them and read them. In these cards you will lavish him, find ways to tell him how wonderful he is, building him up. This because one of things they often say is that the ow treats them like a king, lavishs on them, and she does. I always had to listen to how the ow constantly built him up with words, that he was the best lover and all she ever needs (when in fact she was cheating with others on him as well..lol). These other women are smooth talkers, their speech is a smooth as oil as the word says, their lips drip honey. So you are going to fight fire with fire sis. I went and purchased a book of love sayings and poems and I wrote the things in cards to him. One card I wrote a list of best sayings, he was the best husband, the best drywall hanger, the best this and the best that. Do non-invasive things, send gifts to his work, his home as long as it is home only and she is not accessing the mail there, etc.
They typically are very sexual also, temptresses, and they go to great lengths to seduce, sexy lingerie, promiscuois behavior with your spouse. They are the alluring bad girl. Most men have a double desire in women. They want the good girl, the wife material, the girl that they know they can present to momma and that is not so promiscuous that she will be with others as well, yet they want the bad girl to in their own private domain. So men want a bad girl, but one that is only bad with them in other words. It is hard to be a bad girl when you are not a bad girl, it was for me. But we do not have to be bad girls in the sense that the adulteress is a bad girl..because she really is and lacks the good girl balance your husband also needs and is used to. What we have to become is romantic girls to compete with the bad girl. This takes creativity. You also buy sexy lingerie, first there is presentation, and in this we do the same as her...get sexy. Make yourself physically alluring to him both daily and in private with him. The daily allurance will also work on his paranoia that someone else may be allured in your direction. Which yes, this is all physical world centered, but that is where satan operates with his battle tactics with your husband and this tool of the ow. Plan out romantic scenerios with him, secret rendevous with wine and love oils, etc. I think you get the jist. You are also going to lavish him, but in a romantic way which will be less agressive then her sexual pursuit, and yours will be more alluring to him because it is balanced, good and bad girl, more alluring for the long haul future.
You are going to become the very humble and understanding wife, his comfort zone. This is hard because he will be so open with you, about her, things about her, things they do and often even intimate things that you do not want to hear. But you do not react, just let them roll off and try to redirect with lavishing of your own. You will end up feeling like you are one of his buddies when it comes to him telling you everything. That is a hard position to be in, but you just have to play it and take your frustrations to God. One of the main enticements is to be his friend as well as his lover and wife. My husband once stated that, and it is true, that solid relationships are built on friendship, first comes that, and then the romance and love relationship, and that the way back to the love is to first go back to the foundation of the friendship and start rebuilding from there. The only wise advise I have gotten from my husband in fact. Typically in adulteries, this is the one missing element because adulteries tend to jump right to the lover setting, skipping the friendship building of the relationship. That is why they are not solid and never will be, and they become bitter as gall also. The only real compatibility there, is in the bedroom, and that is superficial and shallow. You have to dig back up the deep roots of your relationship..you have to go back there and be what you were in the very beginning to him. As my husband said, it allured them the first time and made them fall in love with you, and it will work again just as well. Back in beginning courtship, you were not pushy, non-invasive, putting your best self forward, being alluring, being his friend as well, and you have to push the bonds down that came from the long term relationship you have had with him all this time, and start over, be that person again. It is your advantage over this ow, because she is a counterfeit of you is actually what she is, she has no foundation with him, no roots, she is shallow and superficial and her allurance is strictly of sexual nature. I think you would be surprised to know that she is what she is, and in many ways he is trying to add into her all the things of you, and he wont be able to do so. I had to laugh when I found out that immediately upon moving in with her, he went out and bought a black female lab pup. We always had a black female lab pup that was our baby, so he was trying to duplicate with her many things from our marriage and life, trying to find a comfort zone with her. But it did not work for him, because you cannot make someone into somebody else and you cannot recreate with someone else another relationship and life. She is not you and never will be, and relationship with her will never mimic yours. The fact that despite that effort with the dog, he never bonded to either of them, and when they were dividing up posessions she asked if she could have Sadie, the name of our dog, lol, and his response was a noncaring, "Take her, she is your dog". Her response was, "No she isnt, you are the one that had to have her and named her". But he was totally unattached to the dog, because it was just a counterfeit attempt to recreate that did not work nor no bond had formed.
There were many signs of the non bonding with her, despite the fact that she seemed to be the priority with him and I was the one shuffled under the rug to be hidden. Anytime she did something that he did not like, like say something negative about his son, he would instantly yell at her that I, his wife, could get away with saying something like that, but he is not taking it from an outsider. He was constantly telling her that she was not his wife, he has a wife, and only his wife could get away with that. So, actually, even though they cover up the fact that they are seeing you, you tend to be a weapon they use against the ow every chance they get. When things are bitter, it is apparent that their first thoughts and interjections into the bitter situation is that of their wife and holding her up in comparison or declaring only she has the right to do such a thing. This overall demonstates that you actually are the priority in their life, but in this superficial surface of physical world interactions, they are hiding you with the ow. That is the holding onto the security line so to speak. They want more then anything to just go home and back to their wife, but there is the fear of failure based on past failure and satan pressing them to bet on the new instead of the old that failed them. They want to re-establish the old, because it is their first choice, but they want to keep testing it so to speak, secretly testing it over and over again, while on the surface they protect the security line of the new. You will witness them bouncing all over the place and back and forth, and it really is turmultuous for them emotionally and mentally, it exhausts them and haunts them, God makes sure of that. My husband finally confessed towards the end of a year of this that he was so tormented inside that he just wanted to die, he got to a suicidal point at times, and said that he actually physically could feel demons within him tormenting him in this and he wanted them gone. He himself was crying for deliverance and normalcy, and finally he did cry out to God and recieved it, that is the day he came home for good and put her totally behind him, and in fact since that day has viewed her as some hideous demonic creature and bulls up at the very mention of her name. He hates her with a passion and becomes repulsed at the mention of her, literally. But it took a year of this tug of war and her becoming more bitter with each passing day and week and month. Because I pushed the word over her, and it manifested just as spoken by God, then me. In the meantime through all of it, I remained his safe port, the only sane place in his turmoil, the comforter, the peace. The roots are already formed with the two of you, and by going back and digging them up and rebuilding on them, they just naturally emerge and establish again because they were never broken or gone. They easily emerge and take power over the superficial nothing of the unGodly relationship with her. But you have to be the woman he first fell in love with and even more...amplify it because she is doing her seducing and now you have to counter fire with fire, and in the end you become much bigger and greater then her, much more alluring to him.
Now, a word of caution. Becoming the most alluring one does not mean becoming a doormat for him. There is a great difference between being alluring and enticing to him and enabling him in his sin. Some women standers think in order to be alluring, they have to give and give and give, never refusing the husband what he wants. They find themselves covering all his financial needs also. They start becoming the one that he comes to for money loans and needs when God has him in famine out there in his sin. You cannot work against the hog pen that God is driving him into or you are making the spiritual warfare fail, you are then taking the physical world battle and using it against the spiritual world battle and causing a stagnation of the battle, a halt to it. The rule is that you are physically alluring, but in an emotional and mental means, not a material means. You do some material things like sending cards, but the motive of those things are emotional, to touch the heart and mind, not to prosper him materially. It is the motive that makes the difference. Nurturing emotionally and mentally, but not enabling materialistically. When he is off in sin with an adulteress, part of the spiritual workings of God is to take him into famine materially. The purpose of this is to show him that he is not going to flourish in this world while in sin, contrare, he is going to stumble and fall. His only physical world resources are to directly relate back to her, he is with her and she is the provider of those things, and when she is not providing those things for whatever reason, then he is floundering in that aspect. If you fufull there what she is not, then you are counteracting the spiritual effect of famine, and he then has the best of both in his sin and does not struggle and suffer as God intends him to with her. You can lovingly turn him down for material things and still remain the comfort zone. You simply do not have it to give, and if that does not work, then you just stand strong that you cant give it, and God will work out the rest with him. You are not available in that way, just emotionally and mentally, the arms that rock him in his troubles, not the fixer of his troubles.
You do not ever push the word of God on him, satan will use this to distance him from you. Understand that someone that is demonically oppressed or posessed, they are captive and it is the demon spirits that are at the surface and operating within him. Demonic spirits cannot and will not tolerate being subjected to things of God, they will run from them, reject them and put distance between themselves and the Godly thing, even words. You are to position yourself as a non judgemental, non condemning, open and safe environment. No human can persuade a man to God, let alone a demonic spirit to God. Men come to God through the inner workings and pursuit of the Holy Spirit and that only. Only He can lure them to the cross, you cannot. They cannot resist Him, but they can you and will. Therefore the only time you discuss the word of God with him and his situation according to the word of God, is when he seeks you out about it. My husband would sometimes seek me about it and I would just give him the truth and show him, because it really cannot just come from you, but proven to come from God. At one point he asked me for all the scriptural word on marriage, adultery and divorce, and that is how my teaching that is in the teaching area came to be. It was initially done for my husband. I printed it out and gave it to him nonchalantly and told him that this is what he had asked me for and could read it at his leisure and then I moved on and let it rest there. That is how my husband came into the wisdom of the truth of God about the subject, and it finally sank in because it was the scriptures and not just me telling him. They see us as having motives in preaching to them, and that we could just be telling them anything we want to enhance our case, instead of it being truth of God. So we do not do that, and we let God work on them in that area. If God needs your help in accomplishing that, then God Himself will bring the occassion to be able to present it, just like with my husband. Meanwhile you just pray for Gods revelation in your husband, for God to bring impartial parties to your husband to give the word, because they will better listen to someone impartial and having no motives, then to us. Your husband will gain more and more ability to come up to the surface and out of total control of the demonic influences to absorb the truth and then be able to further push himself up and out from their control, but you have to let God handle this part of it spiritually.
One thing that is going to draw him to you is your demeanor in all of this. Your having peace and joy in what is a difficult and painful situation for anyone, including himself, is going to pull him to you in curiosity. Being the center of your pain, he is always going to withdraw from anything that points out that he is the cause of such. He does not want to be subjected to that, it will make him pull away. However the peace and joy of God has the opposite effect, it draws him in. He will be always trying to figure out the curiosity of this, why you have so much peace and joy when he is doing what he is doing to you. He already knows he is hurting you, and in seeing it he will run from it, but when you do not appear to be hurting, that likewise will pull him in curiousity. He may constantly ask things such as is there someone else. He will be perplexed as to why you are doing so well, and will always be looking elsewhere for the answer then what it really is, the peace of God. Remember that this is a demonic influence and they will always think in terms of physical world causes for what seems contradictory to what is going on in the physical world. Demons are very self gratifying motivated, and they think in terms of self gratification. When you are happy in the circumstance, it is the nature of the beast to first think that there is a worldly reason, another person perhaps that is gratifying you. Now when it comes to you, you stand solid on God for yourself with him. We do not push God on them, but at the same time we continuously hold up God for ourselves, He is our source, our peace, our joy. He is the reason for everything that is good in us. We claim it and embrace it to ourselves, like a child that holds tight his toy and claims it is mine and that is why I am this or that, have this or that. We do not do it in a way that says see what I have and you need to get it too, just that we have it and embrace it, and leave the rest to fall where it may. This is another means by which God entices them to Him, through actional witness of us. It is not pushing it out at them, but just holding it to ourselves and claiming it. Then he will again be curious and it will draw him, he will begin to want some of it too. So when the accusations of the cause of joy and peace come from him, you simply and solidly insist that there is no'one in this world gratifying you, it is only God, He is your only source of anything and you need nothing else at all but Him. You may find yourself explaining this over and over and over again, because his nature, the demonic influences nature, will be to believe it has to be something else more physically gratifying. You just stay in the spiritual and express the spiritual no matter how many times you have to repeatedly do it. In the end they will finally come to revelation that it was only God.
But back to the initial question of exposing anything in anyway, do not do it. God will do it Himself, as God says that everything that is in darkness and unexposed will be brought into the light and exposed. God has a better means with more impact of doing that. I never chased after him to spy on him, I held myself at bay and just prayed and asked God to bring all things into the light. Anytime I found out something that God needed me to know for my battle, God Himself exposed to me. Most times God would suddenly out of the blue give me instruction to get up and go here, do this, and in doing so He would show me something going on with my husband and the ow. Let go and let God, He will do it all. He also will do all the exposing of things to the ow, but in His time and His way so that it has no way of being linked back to you and the intentional purpose of you to thwart your husband in his sin. You have to stay clear of it all. If you do not, then satan will use it against you and present you to be a bitter as gall. Let the ow do all the bitter as gall work, and you just be the loving, understanding and embracing safe place to your husband.
If your husband ever starts placing blame upon you, such as you do not pursue him like she does, do not call him, do not come to him, then you lovingly tell him that you are simply trying to not invade his privacy and push yourself upon him, however you are always here for him day or night with open arms and love, an open venue for him. That you desire nothing more then to have him back all the time, but you are respecting his position in this and are allowing him to make the moves so he feels free to move in the ways that he desires without any pressures or pursuit. That you are simply not invading him as she is, and wont. That is the difference between true love and self motivated acts, that if you love something, you set it free to move of its own accord, and you pray that one day he will come back in true love.
You have to do alot of love words in this situation, emotional and mental nurturing. But that is something that she will not do, she is like a shark and is motivated by self gratification, and he will begin to recognize that with everything else that is going on spiritually within him during this battle. You have to be the complete good guy in this and let her make herself the bad guy, that is what it comes down to. You have to be the calm seas and let her be the stormy seas in his life. You make yourself everything she is and everything she is not as well, and that makes you the bigger seducer in this, the most alluring to him. You counter her every move with bigger guns sis, and sometimes that is to do the opposite, like giving him his space whereas she will not, and in other things being more seductive, like sexually, romantically, physically. As a worldly male friend of mine put it straight forth one day, I am everything, the best of both worlds, the bad girl and the good girl, and he is afraid that someone else will tap into that and he will lose that for good and be stuck with the less attractive option in this, the ow woman. You push the Song of Songs, the seal on his heart and his arm, the jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. You may find that he becomes obsessively jealous in fact. There were points in that year where I felt I should stop speaking that particular portion of the Song of Songs because it was getting ridiculous. He began doing sneak attacks just to see if he could catch me with someone. Even when sister Theresa came to visit me for a week, he ran right over here to check her out, fearful that she would be someone that would get me to go out to bars or someplace that other men would be. This despite that fact that he knew she was my prayer partner and as Christian founded as me. The jealousy over rides their brains sometimes. But I kept on pushing it and in the end that kind of jealousy faded out with him. It balanced out. I was also always open with him about any males pursuing me. Not because I wanted to fuel that jealousy in him, but because the foundation of friendship is to be honest about all things, to not keep anything hidden that satan could twist and use against me further down the road. I knew that if he found out from anyone but me, it would enhance the lies of the enemy in his mind, if I was not telling him about it, then I was hiding it from him, and if I was hiding it from him there must be a reason, I must have been doing something with the person. It was not ever something that I threw in his face, like making a point of telling him that this guy asked me out or is calling me. I would wait for opportunity to arise, which came often enough in him asking me if there is anyone else. All I had to do was wait for one of his jealous interrogations and then I would casually mention that no there is no one else, but this man has asked me out or is calling me, but I have no interest in that. Despite my stating that I had no interest, he would always become obsessed with the pursuer and fear that I would change my mind about it. To this day he is obsessed somewhat with a Christian man that was pursuing me, afraid he will one day lure me away from him, even now. I would answer his questions honestly about the man in my case, what he was like, what he was saying, what he hoped for in pursuing me, etc. Just casual responses with little interest injected into them, just straight up stuff and a shrugging off, making it little in my perspective of it to his questions. Even with my assurance that it meant nothing to me, at times he would react angrily to it, or have bursts of indifference such as maybe I should be with the guy, that he would be better for me then himself. That was just the conflicts going on within himself, the fear, the guilt, the desparate grasp of some kind of resolution. He did not want that, but it was a momentary reaction. They are confused and conflicted, so you can expect crazy reactions from them. One particular day towards the end of my battle, he was being evil. He called me and informed me that he was going to be with her, that we were over and that I could play it nice with him or bad, it was my choice. This despite him being fine with me hours before, it was just that she had initiated an assualt on her side of things within those hours that had passed. She had pressured and pushed on him to an extreme that he was cornered and feeling he just had to jump one way or the other. Since she was the aggressor and the pusher, he was jumping her way to stop the turmoil on that end. He was being very nasty to me though out of the blue. He had many of his things here, and he told me that he would come get them later, to just set them out so he would not have to encounter me in doing it. I told him calmly no, that if he was doing this, then he needed to just come get them now with me here, that I would set them out for him, but he needed to come and give me his key. He argued saying things like he would not take anything that is not his, and would do it when I was not there. I set my foot down nicely and said no, he would have to come now before I left home and get this over with, otherwise I would just change the locks, that it had to be now and over with. He then started accusing me of this other man, that I must want to just go be with him and move him right in or something, and he asked me something about if I loved this guy or something. Crazy stuff like I said...you have to wonder where some of it comes from in them, but we know the answer to that. I told him that no I did not love him, of course not, that I never even spent any time with him outside of church fellowship, but truth be that he is someone that I love for who he is with God, so yes, I love him in that way, but not in a romantic way. He then asked if I was going to be with him then with himself totally out of the picture now. I told him that I was not interested in being with anyone, but if it be Gods will for me to be with someone else, I knew that I could once again love someone and I could fall in love with this man, but that had nothing to do with any of what he is doing or this matter, that I was not having anything to do with this man, that I just needed the key back and to do this correctly. He ended the call and said he would come. A few minutes later, once he had left her house and was alone on the way to my house, he called me and was sobbing and begged me to please not leave the house, that he had to talk to me. Craziness again, I am the one that insisted he come now before I had to leave, so why in the world would I leave, but he was begging me to be here and talk to him. He called me twice on the way with this begging and crying. When he arrived here he rushed in the door, fell in the floor and crawled to where I was sitting waiting, grabbed my feet and just sobbed uncontrollably. I just sat there not saying a word. That is when he confessed that he knew there was something demonic controlling him and tormenting him and asked me to call my Pastor to help him. By this time, he had decided it was over with her and he was coming home, and he told me to go do what I needed to do and he called his sister who is Christian and asked her if he could come to her house and talk to her about all of this. He beat himself in the head, literally and asked me what was wrong with him. He held out his hands palm up and said he told his sister that he had me in one hand, a wonderful Godly woman who does nothing but pray for him, spends hours on a church alter praying for him, and in the other hand he has this woman who is nothing but trash, and what is his problem, what is the difficulty with him in choosing between the two, that he is crazy, this is crazy. He called her on my cell phone and told her it was over, that he was moving home. But in that phone call she began crying and begging him to come talk to her. Then he got all crazy again, and was asking me if he could go talk to her, saying that she was crying and asking him why he was not telling her in person, that he owed her that much. I told him no, that she was just once again manipulating and if he was coming home, he just needed to come home and end it with her for good, that I could not get caught up in the craziness, this had to end. He held the phone out in the air and said to me, cant you hear her crying, she is hysterical! I told him that this was not my problem, that she never cared about him doing things right by me, coming and talking to me, and in fact went out of her way to stop that, so why did either them expect me to feel compassion for her tears. He told her he was coming, and he went to get in the bath. I got up and prepared to leave at this, and he panicked, telling me I could not leave, that he would be back and I just needed to trust him in this and stay here and wait for him to come back. I just told him that if he was going to her, then I needed to leave and go on with what I was doing, that he just needed to go ahead and go then and I would go on with my thing, that I was not sitting here and doing this anymore. So he undressed and stayed as well, but this kind of lunacy went on nonstop the last two months of my battle. In this you will see that I laid aside the safe haven and embracement, but understand that I was at a point in the battle by then where God had told me enough was enough and to just thresh, meaning no more laying down and humbly accepting this circus event. God already had my husband to a place where he recognized that he was demonically influenced and he was desiring deliverance. So in essense, my battle was over, I had already won over her and I was the object of his greatest desire and she was the bitter as gall, and any threat to his greatest desire had more influence over him then anything she did. He realize at this point that the game was up and he had to break free of any remaining binds she had on him, that they enemy had on him. It was in the next few weeks that things esculated with her, she knew about me, I knew about her, and everything was completely exposed and open to all, and she was being vicious. I no longer had to be anything but open, because she was doing all the damage herself at this point, getting as bitter as bitter as can be in her reactions. I was just the prize that he may lose to this evil bitter woman, see what I mean. It eventually esculates to a breaking point, in that breaking point you can just have confidence that it is over. You just remain honest and open and do not get caught up in the tug of war aggression, you are just available and it is now in his court to choose once and for all. I refused to be a part of it. I advised him nicely that she was demonic and I would not tolerate her in my life anymore, because I was a child of God and it was intolerable, therefore if it took releasing him to her to get her out of my life, then so be it, either way, I would no longer have her touching my life. That was the last couple of weeks before it broke completely and at Gods direction to me to do. If you let it go and let God, and only follow His direction in your stand, things will play out to His will in it, He will make sure of that.
Right now, you are in the position of enticing him closer and closer to you, so act accordingly and outdo her in every way, being the Proverbs 31 wife. I can tell you that two years later after the restoration and her removal from our lives, the time of being the good guy and wife has embedded in me. I am still this day that person with my husband. It grew on me and has never reverted back to how I was in the marriage that came under attack. I am so easy going and I do not react to things that he does that upset me. I may react, but not to my husband. I am this very peaceful and consistent person in keeping peace and letting things roll off of me in his presence. We have never had an argument or fight since he came home for good, never a cross word. We have maintained that "friend" mentality with one another and in doing so there are no secrets. We spent years not being able to talk to one another, but ever since restoration we can talk easily about anything without conflict. So it grows on you and on him. I even sat through a phone call from her almost a year after her removal, on speakphone, when she once again raised her ugly head and made a last ditch effort to entice him back through what she hoped would be jealousy. She called her and asked for him out of the blue, myself answering. I just held the phone out to him and told him it was Christy Schuld. He repulsed back and yelled, "What the h-- does she want, I am not talking to her"! I just calmly told her that she herself could hear my husband and that he will not talk to her and wants to know what she is calling here for. She then got real nasty with me telling me it was none of my F---g business (she is real foul mouthed, curses and laughs at God, everything, she is a real headcase). She then told me to tell him that she forgot to tell him something the other day when they were together. I calmly said, "Oh, so you are trying to imply that you are still seeing him now, huh"? and then I said to my husband what she said, grinning, and he started yelling at the phone that she was a psycho b----. and to not call here again. She kept calling and not answering, waiting for him to pick it up but he never answers the phone, I do. We ended up having the calls traced and then we pressed charges on her. That is when she called again and wanted to talk to me, this after calling my sister in law and threatening me for pressing charges on her, telling her to tell me that if I did not drop the charges she would open a can of worms on me. I had my sister in law call her back and tell her that I wanted to know if she needed a can opener. That is when she called me directly apologizing, and was making a point of that she just wanted to tell Kevin that she met another man and was getting married, and she wanted to get her lawnmower back. It was pointed out to her that no, she just wanted to cause trouble because he never had her lawnmower, that she gave it to the neighbors beside the house they had lived in and it had nothing to do with him, if she wants it then go back to the neighbors she gave it to. Anyway, it got into a her telling me to tell him stuff (angery bad stuff) and him telling her stuff (bad stuff) and I just hit speakerphone and let them go at it, with a big grin on my face, could not help it. lol. It was funny to me. She would say something really cutting about him and he would look at me and say "Why arent you defending me"? I would just comment laughing that this was his monster he created, not mine, and they would go back at it again. He was going out of his way to tell her how much he loved me and hated her, how she was nothing compared to me, and so on. She would get so mad that she would tell him that she was not talking to him anymore, she was only talking to me, and then would revert back to me. She opened herself up to alot of things for me to just point blank put her in her place. Like saying that my husband owed her, and I asked her how she figured she was owed anything, that he was my husband and she is the one that came to the door of our home and enticed him out, invaded our home, that this was her doing alone, and I was the only victimized in this, by her, and how could she be owed anything when she is the one that stole what was not hers? She would go dead silent and then say, "Okay, your right, I apologize". Then would step in her own pit again with the next words. The whole thing was funny to me and cathargic because I finally got to call her out on everything she did and was. At one point she asked me how I could be with him, that he was just a cheater and cheats on woman. I came back with, "Are you not the kettle calling the pot black, are you not cut from the same cloth and a cheater yourself, did you not cheat on your own husband with my husband as well as many others repeatedly in your marriage, so who are you to judge him concerning something you yourself are but worse, in that you have the brazeness to go to married peoples homes and call husbands out into adultery...are you not worse then him"? Dead silence again, and then "Okay, your right". I loved it! lol! After that she slunk away with her tail curled under her and has never breathed our way again. She moved away. I even got her when she announced that she met another man and was marrying him. I asked her if he was a married man? She started sputtering that I was being mean, and I told her no I was not, was just asking a direct question, was he another womans husband. She said something along the lines that he was recently widowed, and my husband gaffawed loudly and said, "Yep, he is married to someone else!". That ticked her off and she quickly changed the subject. So I feel that after what was the most horrendous and long battle of my life with this one particular adulteress, in the end of things God even allowed me the avenue to put her in her place, to get it all out and put it to rest for good. After that phone call I found that I really was able to release her, my anger at her, any residual unforgiveness, even resentment, I felt really free from her for good. God is good, and He never fails us, know that. His word says that in the end, all the adulteresses lovers will come against her, stripping her naked and exposing her, and it happened just that way.
You just have to stand strong and confident in God, in this battle, knowing that you have the victory. Have peace in that, have joy in that. In the midst of the hard battle, I often would think about my husband with her, knowing just how bitter she would become, and I would end up bursting out loud in laughter. I worked with my husband at the time, and he would look over puzzled, wondering what I was laughing about, but would never say anything or ask. The fact is sis, there is nothing like the bitter as gall adulteress to take a husband down to his knees. I truly believe that even though satan brings the other persons in and they are his tools of attack on a marriage, that God Himself hand selects them and picks out the very person that will be the nightmare experience of the spouses lifetime. God says that a mans own sin will catch him up and bring him to ruins, bring him down to his knees. I believe God is in control of even that, the devils advocates used in satans plot. There is a scripture that reads that God even creates the wicked for a day of wickedness. I believe that God hand chooses the adulteress that will bring your husband to his knees and begging for deliverance from her. God knows what kind of person it will take to bring him to ruin. Just as He set stipulations upon satan in sifting Job like wheat, God sets stipulations in our situations, and He is in control of it all, including the adulteress used.
Hope this helps and here to help anytime. Hugs sis...
Okay sis, you are in the same exact situation I was in for a year and it was the hardest and longest hand to hand combat battle of my entire stand, so first off I pray that yours does not endure as long as mine first thing. I know that mine endured so long and was so vicious because it was the final battle of all the battles in my situation, satan bringing out his biggest most demonic gun with this particular ow, and fortunitely most standers do not have stands like my own, thank the Lord. I am just a prime target for satan with this ministry so he works harder on me.
However, you do have a very aggressive ow in this situation, and God has revealed to me that there are three demonic spirits that operate in these women, all three being different level demonic spirits. It is hard for me to know which one she is just from your posts, but I am guessing that she is the highest due to her persistance, this or she is a lower level and really just is in the dark about you completely. Regardless, we are going to fight this in the same manner at this point since he is in this tug of war stage.
This is going to be spiritual warfare tactic, but we are also going to do some physical world tactic here too, this because that is where your husband is operating, and this ow. So along with spiritual warfare of speaking the scriptures out loud over this woman, over your marriage, fasting, taking communion and all the spiritual warfare things we do, you are going to start fighting on her level so to speak. Do not do anything with any photos of you and him except enjoy them sis. Now, as long as he is not living with her and he has his own private mailing address, I am going to suggest to you that you at least once a week to twice a week, mail him a romantic card. In doing this you balance out the avenues of pursuit of him. You are the hidden one, therefore she is fully open to accepted pursuit of him and she is utilizing it by calling him constantly, going to see him, asking him to come see her, giving him gifts and such. Whereas you are unbalanced in this with her because you are the hidden one. Some of the craziness in this is that he rejects your pursuit of him because you are a big secret and your pursuit puts him a risk with her, however at the same time satan will twist this in his mind and make him think that you do not care as much as her because she pursues and you dont. It is a darned if you do, darned if you dont. So you have to find other means of pursual of him, ones that do not put him at risk. It is kind of like he demands his space with you, but then he uses it against you in twisting what he demands into being your fault and that you do not care enough like she does. Example, I was not allowed at my husbands house, yet all I ever heard was that I dont love him like she does because I dont come after him at his house. You have to play by their rules, but they will then beat you up for doing so. Everything with them is twisted in their minds, so expect that and it can be maddening at times and very frustrating. So what you do to combat this is you pursue but you do it in a non-invasive way, and sending cards of love is non-invasive but they control when they open them and read them. In these cards you will lavish him, find ways to tell him how wonderful he is, building him up. This because one of things they often say is that the ow treats them like a king, lavishs on them, and she does. I always had to listen to how the ow constantly built him up with words, that he was the best lover and all she ever needs (when in fact she was cheating with others on him as well..lol). These other women are smooth talkers, their speech is a smooth as oil as the word says, their lips drip honey. So you are going to fight fire with fire sis. I went and purchased a book of love sayings and poems and I wrote the things in cards to him. One card I wrote a list of best sayings, he was the best husband, the best drywall hanger, the best this and the best that. Do non-invasive things, send gifts to his work, his home as long as it is home only and she is not accessing the mail there, etc.
They typically are very sexual also, temptresses, and they go to great lengths to seduce, sexy lingerie, promiscuois behavior with your spouse. They are the alluring bad girl. Most men have a double desire in women. They want the good girl, the wife material, the girl that they know they can present to momma and that is not so promiscuous that she will be with others as well, yet they want the bad girl to in their own private domain. So men want a bad girl, but one that is only bad with them in other words. It is hard to be a bad girl when you are not a bad girl, it was for me. But we do not have to be bad girls in the sense that the adulteress is a bad girl..because she really is and lacks the good girl balance your husband also needs and is used to. What we have to become is romantic girls to compete with the bad girl. This takes creativity. You also buy sexy lingerie, first there is presentation, and in this we do the same as her...get sexy. Make yourself physically alluring to him both daily and in private with him. The daily allurance will also work on his paranoia that someone else may be allured in your direction. Which yes, this is all physical world centered, but that is where satan operates with his battle tactics with your husband and this tool of the ow. Plan out romantic scenerios with him, secret rendevous with wine and love oils, etc. I think you get the jist. You are also going to lavish him, but in a romantic way which will be less agressive then her sexual pursuit, and yours will be more alluring to him because it is balanced, good and bad girl, more alluring for the long haul future.
You are going to become the very humble and understanding wife, his comfort zone. This is hard because he will be so open with you, about her, things about her, things they do and often even intimate things that you do not want to hear. But you do not react, just let them roll off and try to redirect with lavishing of your own. You will end up feeling like you are one of his buddies when it comes to him telling you everything. That is a hard position to be in, but you just have to play it and take your frustrations to God. One of the main enticements is to be his friend as well as his lover and wife. My husband once stated that, and it is true, that solid relationships are built on friendship, first comes that, and then the romance and love relationship, and that the way back to the love is to first go back to the foundation of the friendship and start rebuilding from there. The only wise advise I have gotten from my husband in fact. Typically in adulteries, this is the one missing element because adulteries tend to jump right to the lover setting, skipping the friendship building of the relationship. That is why they are not solid and never will be, and they become bitter as gall also. The only real compatibility there, is in the bedroom, and that is superficial and shallow. You have to dig back up the deep roots of your relationship..you have to go back there and be what you were in the very beginning to him. As my husband said, it allured them the first time and made them fall in love with you, and it will work again just as well. Back in beginning courtship, you were not pushy, non-invasive, putting your best self forward, being alluring, being his friend as well, and you have to push the bonds down that came from the long term relationship you have had with him all this time, and start over, be that person again. It is your advantage over this ow, because she is a counterfeit of you is actually what she is, she has no foundation with him, no roots, she is shallow and superficial and her allurance is strictly of sexual nature. I think you would be surprised to know that she is what she is, and in many ways he is trying to add into her all the things of you, and he wont be able to do so. I had to laugh when I found out that immediately upon moving in with her, he went out and bought a black female lab pup. We always had a black female lab pup that was our baby, so he was trying to duplicate with her many things from our marriage and life, trying to find a comfort zone with her. But it did not work for him, because you cannot make someone into somebody else and you cannot recreate with someone else another relationship and life. She is not you and never will be, and relationship with her will never mimic yours. The fact that despite that effort with the dog, he never bonded to either of them, and when they were dividing up posessions she asked if she could have Sadie, the name of our dog, lol, and his response was a noncaring, "Take her, she is your dog". Her response was, "No she isnt, you are the one that had to have her and named her". But he was totally unattached to the dog, because it was just a counterfeit attempt to recreate that did not work nor no bond had formed.
There were many signs of the non bonding with her, despite the fact that she seemed to be the priority with him and I was the one shuffled under the rug to be hidden. Anytime she did something that he did not like, like say something negative about his son, he would instantly yell at her that I, his wife, could get away with saying something like that, but he is not taking it from an outsider. He was constantly telling her that she was not his wife, he has a wife, and only his wife could get away with that. So, actually, even though they cover up the fact that they are seeing you, you tend to be a weapon they use against the ow every chance they get. When things are bitter, it is apparent that their first thoughts and interjections into the bitter situation is that of their wife and holding her up in comparison or declaring only she has the right to do such a thing. This overall demonstates that you actually are the priority in their life, but in this superficial surface of physical world interactions, they are hiding you with the ow. That is the holding onto the security line so to speak. They want more then anything to just go home and back to their wife, but there is the fear of failure based on past failure and satan pressing them to bet on the new instead of the old that failed them. They want to re-establish the old, because it is their first choice, but they want to keep testing it so to speak, secretly testing it over and over again, while on the surface they protect the security line of the new. You will witness them bouncing all over the place and back and forth, and it really is turmultuous for them emotionally and mentally, it exhausts them and haunts them, God makes sure of that. My husband finally confessed towards the end of a year of this that he was so tormented inside that he just wanted to die, he got to a suicidal point at times, and said that he actually physically could feel demons within him tormenting him in this and he wanted them gone. He himself was crying for deliverance and normalcy, and finally he did cry out to God and recieved it, that is the day he came home for good and put her totally behind him, and in fact since that day has viewed her as some hideous demonic creature and bulls up at the very mention of her name. He hates her with a passion and becomes repulsed at the mention of her, literally. But it took a year of this tug of war and her becoming more bitter with each passing day and week and month. Because I pushed the word over her, and it manifested just as spoken by God, then me. In the meantime through all of it, I remained his safe port, the only sane place in his turmoil, the comforter, the peace. The roots are already formed with the two of you, and by going back and digging them up and rebuilding on them, they just naturally emerge and establish again because they were never broken or gone. They easily emerge and take power over the superficial nothing of the unGodly relationship with her. But you have to be the woman he first fell in love with and even more...amplify it because she is doing her seducing and now you have to counter fire with fire, and in the end you become much bigger and greater then her, much more alluring to him.
Now, a word of caution. Becoming the most alluring one does not mean becoming a doormat for him. There is a great difference between being alluring and enticing to him and enabling him in his sin. Some women standers think in order to be alluring, they have to give and give and give, never refusing the husband what he wants. They find themselves covering all his financial needs also. They start becoming the one that he comes to for money loans and needs when God has him in famine out there in his sin. You cannot work against the hog pen that God is driving him into or you are making the spiritual warfare fail, you are then taking the physical world battle and using it against the spiritual world battle and causing a stagnation of the battle, a halt to it. The rule is that you are physically alluring, but in an emotional and mental means, not a material means. You do some material things like sending cards, but the motive of those things are emotional, to touch the heart and mind, not to prosper him materially. It is the motive that makes the difference. Nurturing emotionally and mentally, but not enabling materialistically. When he is off in sin with an adulteress, part of the spiritual workings of God is to take him into famine materially. The purpose of this is to show him that he is not going to flourish in this world while in sin, contrare, he is going to stumble and fall. His only physical world resources are to directly relate back to her, he is with her and she is the provider of those things, and when she is not providing those things for whatever reason, then he is floundering in that aspect. If you fufull there what she is not, then you are counteracting the spiritual effect of famine, and he then has the best of both in his sin and does not struggle and suffer as God intends him to with her. You can lovingly turn him down for material things and still remain the comfort zone. You simply do not have it to give, and if that does not work, then you just stand strong that you cant give it, and God will work out the rest with him. You are not available in that way, just emotionally and mentally, the arms that rock him in his troubles, not the fixer of his troubles.
You do not ever push the word of God on him, satan will use this to distance him from you. Understand that someone that is demonically oppressed or posessed, they are captive and it is the demon spirits that are at the surface and operating within him. Demonic spirits cannot and will not tolerate being subjected to things of God, they will run from them, reject them and put distance between themselves and the Godly thing, even words. You are to position yourself as a non judgemental, non condemning, open and safe environment. No human can persuade a man to God, let alone a demonic spirit to God. Men come to God through the inner workings and pursuit of the Holy Spirit and that only. Only He can lure them to the cross, you cannot. They cannot resist Him, but they can you and will. Therefore the only time you discuss the word of God with him and his situation according to the word of God, is when he seeks you out about it. My husband would sometimes seek me about it and I would just give him the truth and show him, because it really cannot just come from you, but proven to come from God. At one point he asked me for all the scriptural word on marriage, adultery and divorce, and that is how my teaching that is in the teaching area came to be. It was initially done for my husband. I printed it out and gave it to him nonchalantly and told him that this is what he had asked me for and could read it at his leisure and then I moved on and let it rest there. That is how my husband came into the wisdom of the truth of God about the subject, and it finally sank in because it was the scriptures and not just me telling him. They see us as having motives in preaching to them, and that we could just be telling them anything we want to enhance our case, instead of it being truth of God. So we do not do that, and we let God work on them in that area. If God needs your help in accomplishing that, then God Himself will bring the occassion to be able to present it, just like with my husband. Meanwhile you just pray for Gods revelation in your husband, for God to bring impartial parties to your husband to give the word, because they will better listen to someone impartial and having no motives, then to us. Your husband will gain more and more ability to come up to the surface and out of total control of the demonic influences to absorb the truth and then be able to further push himself up and out from their control, but you have to let God handle this part of it spiritually.
One thing that is going to draw him to you is your demeanor in all of this. Your having peace and joy in what is a difficult and painful situation for anyone, including himself, is going to pull him to you in curiosity. Being the center of your pain, he is always going to withdraw from anything that points out that he is the cause of such. He does not want to be subjected to that, it will make him pull away. However the peace and joy of God has the opposite effect, it draws him in. He will be always trying to figure out the curiosity of this, why you have so much peace and joy when he is doing what he is doing to you. He already knows he is hurting you, and in seeing it he will run from it, but when you do not appear to be hurting, that likewise will pull him in curiousity. He may constantly ask things such as is there someone else. He will be perplexed as to why you are doing so well, and will always be looking elsewhere for the answer then what it really is, the peace of God. Remember that this is a demonic influence and they will always think in terms of physical world causes for what seems contradictory to what is going on in the physical world. Demons are very self gratifying motivated, and they think in terms of self gratification. When you are happy in the circumstance, it is the nature of the beast to first think that there is a worldly reason, another person perhaps that is gratifying you. Now when it comes to you, you stand solid on God for yourself with him. We do not push God on them, but at the same time we continuously hold up God for ourselves, He is our source, our peace, our joy. He is the reason for everything that is good in us. We claim it and embrace it to ourselves, like a child that holds tight his toy and claims it is mine and that is why I am this or that, have this or that. We do not do it in a way that says see what I have and you need to get it too, just that we have it and embrace it, and leave the rest to fall where it may. This is another means by which God entices them to Him, through actional witness of us. It is not pushing it out at them, but just holding it to ourselves and claiming it. Then he will again be curious and it will draw him, he will begin to want some of it too. So when the accusations of the cause of joy and peace come from him, you simply and solidly insist that there is no'one in this world gratifying you, it is only God, He is your only source of anything and you need nothing else at all but Him. You may find yourself explaining this over and over and over again, because his nature, the demonic influences nature, will be to believe it has to be something else more physically gratifying. You just stay in the spiritual and express the spiritual no matter how many times you have to repeatedly do it. In the end they will finally come to revelation that it was only God.
But back to the initial question of exposing anything in anyway, do not do it. God will do it Himself, as God says that everything that is in darkness and unexposed will be brought into the light and exposed. God has a better means with more impact of doing that. I never chased after him to spy on him, I held myself at bay and just prayed and asked God to bring all things into the light. Anytime I found out something that God needed me to know for my battle, God Himself exposed to me. Most times God would suddenly out of the blue give me instruction to get up and go here, do this, and in doing so He would show me something going on with my husband and the ow. Let go and let God, He will do it all. He also will do all the exposing of things to the ow, but in His time and His way so that it has no way of being linked back to you and the intentional purpose of you to thwart your husband in his sin. You have to stay clear of it all. If you do not, then satan will use it against you and present you to be a bitter as gall. Let the ow do all the bitter as gall work, and you just be the loving, understanding and embracing safe place to your husband.
If your husband ever starts placing blame upon you, such as you do not pursue him like she does, do not call him, do not come to him, then you lovingly tell him that you are simply trying to not invade his privacy and push yourself upon him, however you are always here for him day or night with open arms and love, an open venue for him. That you desire nothing more then to have him back all the time, but you are respecting his position in this and are allowing him to make the moves so he feels free to move in the ways that he desires without any pressures or pursuit. That you are simply not invading him as she is, and wont. That is the difference between true love and self motivated acts, that if you love something, you set it free to move of its own accord, and you pray that one day he will come back in true love.
You have to do alot of love words in this situation, emotional and mental nurturing. But that is something that she will not do, she is like a shark and is motivated by self gratification, and he will begin to recognize that with everything else that is going on spiritually within him during this battle. You have to be the complete good guy in this and let her make herself the bad guy, that is what it comes down to. You have to be the calm seas and let her be the stormy seas in his life. You make yourself everything she is and everything she is not as well, and that makes you the bigger seducer in this, the most alluring to him. You counter her every move with bigger guns sis, and sometimes that is to do the opposite, like giving him his space whereas she will not, and in other things being more seductive, like sexually, romantically, physically. As a worldly male friend of mine put it straight forth one day, I am everything, the best of both worlds, the bad girl and the good girl, and he is afraid that someone else will tap into that and he will lose that for good and be stuck with the less attractive option in this, the ow woman. You push the Song of Songs, the seal on his heart and his arm, the jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. You may find that he becomes obsessively jealous in fact. There were points in that year where I felt I should stop speaking that particular portion of the Song of Songs because it was getting ridiculous. He began doing sneak attacks just to see if he could catch me with someone. Even when sister Theresa came to visit me for a week, he ran right over here to check her out, fearful that she would be someone that would get me to go out to bars or someplace that other men would be. This despite that fact that he knew she was my prayer partner and as Christian founded as me. The jealousy over rides their brains sometimes. But I kept on pushing it and in the end that kind of jealousy faded out with him. It balanced out. I was also always open with him about any males pursuing me. Not because I wanted to fuel that jealousy in him, but because the foundation of friendship is to be honest about all things, to not keep anything hidden that satan could twist and use against me further down the road. I knew that if he found out from anyone but me, it would enhance the lies of the enemy in his mind, if I was not telling him about it, then I was hiding it from him, and if I was hiding it from him there must be a reason, I must have been doing something with the person. It was not ever something that I threw in his face, like making a point of telling him that this guy asked me out or is calling me. I would wait for opportunity to arise, which came often enough in him asking me if there is anyone else. All I had to do was wait for one of his jealous interrogations and then I would casually mention that no there is no one else, but this man has asked me out or is calling me, but I have no interest in that. Despite my stating that I had no interest, he would always become obsessed with the pursuer and fear that I would change my mind about it. To this day he is obsessed somewhat with a Christian man that was pursuing me, afraid he will one day lure me away from him, even now. I would answer his questions honestly about the man in my case, what he was like, what he was saying, what he hoped for in pursuing me, etc. Just casual responses with little interest injected into them, just straight up stuff and a shrugging off, making it little in my perspective of it to his questions. Even with my assurance that it meant nothing to me, at times he would react angrily to it, or have bursts of indifference such as maybe I should be with the guy, that he would be better for me then himself. That was just the conflicts going on within himself, the fear, the guilt, the desparate grasp of some kind of resolution. He did not want that, but it was a momentary reaction. They are confused and conflicted, so you can expect crazy reactions from them. One particular day towards the end of my battle, he was being evil. He called me and informed me that he was going to be with her, that we were over and that I could play it nice with him or bad, it was my choice. This despite him being fine with me hours before, it was just that she had initiated an assualt on her side of things within those hours that had passed. She had pressured and pushed on him to an extreme that he was cornered and feeling he just had to jump one way or the other. Since she was the aggressor and the pusher, he was jumping her way to stop the turmoil on that end. He was being very nasty to me though out of the blue. He had many of his things here, and he told me that he would come get them later, to just set them out so he would not have to encounter me in doing it. I told him calmly no, that if he was doing this, then he needed to just come get them now with me here, that I would set them out for him, but he needed to come and give me his key. He argued saying things like he would not take anything that is not his, and would do it when I was not there. I set my foot down nicely and said no, he would have to come now before I left home and get this over with, otherwise I would just change the locks, that it had to be now and over with. He then started accusing me of this other man, that I must want to just go be with him and move him right in or something, and he asked me something about if I loved this guy or something. Crazy stuff like I said...you have to wonder where some of it comes from in them, but we know the answer to that. I told him that no I did not love him, of course not, that I never even spent any time with him outside of church fellowship, but truth be that he is someone that I love for who he is with God, so yes, I love him in that way, but not in a romantic way. He then asked if I was going to be with him then with himself totally out of the picture now. I told him that I was not interested in being with anyone, but if it be Gods will for me to be with someone else, I knew that I could once again love someone and I could fall in love with this man, but that had nothing to do with any of what he is doing or this matter, that I was not having anything to do with this man, that I just needed the key back and to do this correctly. He ended the call and said he would come. A few minutes later, once he had left her house and was alone on the way to my house, he called me and was sobbing and begged me to please not leave the house, that he had to talk to me. Craziness again, I am the one that insisted he come now before I had to leave, so why in the world would I leave, but he was begging me to be here and talk to him. He called me twice on the way with this begging and crying. When he arrived here he rushed in the door, fell in the floor and crawled to where I was sitting waiting, grabbed my feet and just sobbed uncontrollably. I just sat there not saying a word. That is when he confessed that he knew there was something demonic controlling him and tormenting him and asked me to call my Pastor to help him. By this time, he had decided it was over with her and he was coming home, and he told me to go do what I needed to do and he called his sister who is Christian and asked her if he could come to her house and talk to her about all of this. He beat himself in the head, literally and asked me what was wrong with him. He held out his hands palm up and said he told his sister that he had me in one hand, a wonderful Godly woman who does nothing but pray for him, spends hours on a church alter praying for him, and in the other hand he has this woman who is nothing but trash, and what is his problem, what is the difficulty with him in choosing between the two, that he is crazy, this is crazy. He called her on my cell phone and told her it was over, that he was moving home. But in that phone call she began crying and begging him to come talk to her. Then he got all crazy again, and was asking me if he could go talk to her, saying that she was crying and asking him why he was not telling her in person, that he owed her that much. I told him no, that she was just once again manipulating and if he was coming home, he just needed to come home and end it with her for good, that I could not get caught up in the craziness, this had to end. He held the phone out in the air and said to me, cant you hear her crying, she is hysterical! I told him that this was not my problem, that she never cared about him doing things right by me, coming and talking to me, and in fact went out of her way to stop that, so why did either them expect me to feel compassion for her tears. He told her he was coming, and he went to get in the bath. I got up and prepared to leave at this, and he panicked, telling me I could not leave, that he would be back and I just needed to trust him in this and stay here and wait for him to come back. I just told him that if he was going to her, then I needed to leave and go on with what I was doing, that he just needed to go ahead and go then and I would go on with my thing, that I was not sitting here and doing this anymore. So he undressed and stayed as well, but this kind of lunacy went on nonstop the last two months of my battle. In this you will see that I laid aside the safe haven and embracement, but understand that I was at a point in the battle by then where God had told me enough was enough and to just thresh, meaning no more laying down and humbly accepting this circus event. God already had my husband to a place where he recognized that he was demonically influenced and he was desiring deliverance. So in essense, my battle was over, I had already won over her and I was the object of his greatest desire and she was the bitter as gall, and any threat to his greatest desire had more influence over him then anything she did. He realize at this point that the game was up and he had to break free of any remaining binds she had on him, that they enemy had on him. It was in the next few weeks that things esculated with her, she knew about me, I knew about her, and everything was completely exposed and open to all, and she was being vicious. I no longer had to be anything but open, because she was doing all the damage herself at this point, getting as bitter as bitter as can be in her reactions. I was just the prize that he may lose to this evil bitter woman, see what I mean. It eventually esculates to a breaking point, in that breaking point you can just have confidence that it is over. You just remain honest and open and do not get caught up in the tug of war aggression, you are just available and it is now in his court to choose once and for all. I refused to be a part of it. I advised him nicely that she was demonic and I would not tolerate her in my life anymore, because I was a child of God and it was intolerable, therefore if it took releasing him to her to get her out of my life, then so be it, either way, I would no longer have her touching my life. That was the last couple of weeks before it broke completely and at Gods direction to me to do. If you let it go and let God, and only follow His direction in your stand, things will play out to His will in it, He will make sure of that.
Right now, you are in the position of enticing him closer and closer to you, so act accordingly and outdo her in every way, being the Proverbs 31 wife. I can tell you that two years later after the restoration and her removal from our lives, the time of being the good guy and wife has embedded in me. I am still this day that person with my husband. It grew on me and has never reverted back to how I was in the marriage that came under attack. I am so easy going and I do not react to things that he does that upset me. I may react, but not to my husband. I am this very peaceful and consistent person in keeping peace and letting things roll off of me in his presence. We have never had an argument or fight since he came home for good, never a cross word. We have maintained that "friend" mentality with one another and in doing so there are no secrets. We spent years not being able to talk to one another, but ever since restoration we can talk easily about anything without conflict. So it grows on you and on him. I even sat through a phone call from her almost a year after her removal, on speakphone, when she once again raised her ugly head and made a last ditch effort to entice him back through what she hoped would be jealousy. She called her and asked for him out of the blue, myself answering. I just held the phone out to him and told him it was Christy Schuld. He repulsed back and yelled, "What the h-- does she want, I am not talking to her"! I just calmly told her that she herself could hear my husband and that he will not talk to her and wants to know what she is calling here for. She then got real nasty with me telling me it was none of my F---g business (she is real foul mouthed, curses and laughs at God, everything, she is a real headcase). She then told me to tell him that she forgot to tell him something the other day when they were together. I calmly said, "Oh, so you are trying to imply that you are still seeing him now, huh"? and then I said to my husband what she said, grinning, and he started yelling at the phone that she was a psycho b----. and to not call here again. She kept calling and not answering, waiting for him to pick it up but he never answers the phone, I do. We ended up having the calls traced and then we pressed charges on her. That is when she called again and wanted to talk to me, this after calling my sister in law and threatening me for pressing charges on her, telling her to tell me that if I did not drop the charges she would open a can of worms on me. I had my sister in law call her back and tell her that I wanted to know if she needed a can opener. That is when she called me directly apologizing, and was making a point of that she just wanted to tell Kevin that she met another man and was getting married, and she wanted to get her lawnmower back. It was pointed out to her that no, she just wanted to cause trouble because he never had her lawnmower, that she gave it to the neighbors beside the house they had lived in and it had nothing to do with him, if she wants it then go back to the neighbors she gave it to. Anyway, it got into a her telling me to tell him stuff (angery bad stuff) and him telling her stuff (bad stuff) and I just hit speakerphone and let them go at it, with a big grin on my face, could not help it. lol. It was funny to me. She would say something really cutting about him and he would look at me and say "Why arent you defending me"? I would just comment laughing that this was his monster he created, not mine, and they would go back at it again. He was going out of his way to tell her how much he loved me and hated her, how she was nothing compared to me, and so on. She would get so mad that she would tell him that she was not talking to him anymore, she was only talking to me, and then would revert back to me. She opened herself up to alot of things for me to just point blank put her in her place. Like saying that my husband owed her, and I asked her how she figured she was owed anything, that he was my husband and she is the one that came to the door of our home and enticed him out, invaded our home, that this was her doing alone, and I was the only victimized in this, by her, and how could she be owed anything when she is the one that stole what was not hers? She would go dead silent and then say, "Okay, your right, I apologize". Then would step in her own pit again with the next words. The whole thing was funny to me and cathargic because I finally got to call her out on everything she did and was. At one point she asked me how I could be with him, that he was just a cheater and cheats on woman. I came back with, "Are you not the kettle calling the pot black, are you not cut from the same cloth and a cheater yourself, did you not cheat on your own husband with my husband as well as many others repeatedly in your marriage, so who are you to judge him concerning something you yourself are but worse, in that you have the brazeness to go to married peoples homes and call husbands out into adultery...are you not worse then him"? Dead silence again, and then "Okay, your right". I loved it! lol! After that she slunk away with her tail curled under her and has never breathed our way again. She moved away. I even got her when she announced that she met another man and was marrying him. I asked her if he was a married man? She started sputtering that I was being mean, and I told her no I was not, was just asking a direct question, was he another womans husband. She said something along the lines that he was recently widowed, and my husband gaffawed loudly and said, "Yep, he is married to someone else!". That ticked her off and she quickly changed the subject. So I feel that after what was the most horrendous and long battle of my life with this one particular adulteress, in the end of things God even allowed me the avenue to put her in her place, to get it all out and put it to rest for good. After that phone call I found that I really was able to release her, my anger at her, any residual unforgiveness, even resentment, I felt really free from her for good. God is good, and He never fails us, know that. His word says that in the end, all the adulteresses lovers will come against her, stripping her naked and exposing her, and it happened just that way.
You just have to stand strong and confident in God, in this battle, knowing that you have the victory. Have peace in that, have joy in that. In the midst of the hard battle, I often would think about my husband with her, knowing just how bitter she would become, and I would end up bursting out loud in laughter. I worked with my husband at the time, and he would look over puzzled, wondering what I was laughing about, but would never say anything or ask. The fact is sis, there is nothing like the bitter as gall adulteress to take a husband down to his knees. I truly believe that even though satan brings the other persons in and they are his tools of attack on a marriage, that God Himself hand selects them and picks out the very person that will be the nightmare experience of the spouses lifetime. God says that a mans own sin will catch him up and bring him to ruins, bring him down to his knees. I believe God is in control of even that, the devils advocates used in satans plot. There is a scripture that reads that God even creates the wicked for a day of wickedness. I believe that God hand chooses the adulteress that will bring your husband to his knees and begging for deliverance from her. God knows what kind of person it will take to bring him to ruin. Just as He set stipulations upon satan in sifting Job like wheat, God sets stipulations in our situations, and He is in control of it all, including the adulteress used.
Hope this helps and here to help anytime. Hugs sis...
