A QUICK START GUIDE TO STANDING - Part 2
Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." Hosea 14:9
Here is the second part of Bob's quick start guide.
12. No other human can tell you the exact day your prodigal will repent and come home. We know of too many good standers who have been almost destroyed when someone traveling through town prophesies an exact date for restoration, and that date comes and goes without anything happening. The date is God’s business and not man’s. As a stander, you need to live every day as though today was your day of restoration. Wake up every day looking down the front walk and asking God if this is the day.
13. Allow God to be God in bringing your prodigal home to Himself, and home to you. Be careful not to set stipulations for your prodigal’s return without first seeking God for His will. Be wary of any individuals who want to help you set rules for a prodigal’s return.
14. Standing is not reciting a prayer, nor is it attending meetings, or talking the talk of a stander. It must become a way of life for you. That way of life is living like Jesus did. There must be no place for sin, in any form, in your life. If you call yourself a stander, you must want to see how far from the line called sin you can live, and not experimenting with what God will allow you to get away with. The sinful things of this world must be constantly dropping from your life, as they are replaced by the things of God. For example, developing a desire for Christian music; music that will give you answers, and help, and support instead of music from the world. Live a holy life.
15. Standing is not learned, nor is it mastered, all at once. It is learned one step (or one mistake) at a time. God allows for mistakes in standing as you learn. I cannot tell you how many times each month a person who is serious about standing tells us how they have "really blown it" with their Lord God, or with their mate. No, you have not. God allows mistakes, and He forgives them when we repent. The only way you can "really blow it" is by giving up on God and on your prodigal spouse. Even then, God allows fresh starts. Somehow, he covers over all our mistakes, when we sincerely repent, like the tide washing across the beach. Every sign of imperfection is washed away.
16. If standing becomes "too hard" and you "can’t do it anymore," (whatever that means) and you give up standing, nothing is going to be any different about your life tomorrow. Your prodigal spouse will be the same, as will your circumstances. The only difference is that you have given up your hope and, in effect, have bought into, "Some things are impossible even for God," a statement that simply is not true. If you limit God in marriage restoration, you are also limiting Him every time you need Him in the future. Nothing is impossible with God.
17. Another hard fact of standing is that you should stay away from, and not accept advice from, people named "They." We often hear how "They feel God has someone better for me," or "They said I should get on with my life." When "They say my marriage is hopeless," we want to reply. It’s not about what "They" say, but about what God says. You cannot be listening to "They" and God at the same time.
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out. Proverbs 18:15
18. You might have heard me say previously that if there had been an Internet and email 25 years ago, when we were divorced and Charlyne was standing with God and praying for me, I am not certain that I would be here today. If I, as a prodigal spouse, had read some of the things about me that even good standers post all over the Internet today, I would have run the opposite direction. It is almost as if today’s standers think they are having a private conversation with a friend, when they diagnose and disclose their mate's faults and weaknesses online. There is Internet access in the pigpens of life also, and prodigals read the message boards and chat rooms–and additional damage is done to already troubled marriages.
If every stander could give God half as much time as they are giving their computer for a six-month period, we would see marriages restored in droves. Since some standers are addicted to the chat rooms and other online activities, I suspect that will never happen. Instead, they’ll keep limping along, typing, "You won’t believe what he/she did now," and then soliciting advice, not from God, but from online friends, many of whom they have never seen face to face, and some of whom are not even who they claim to be. Our standers will keep typing out prayers online, and calling it devotional time, instead of getting on their face before Almighty God, and crying out to Him. Before you say, "Nothing’s happening in my stand," Charlyne and I would ask, "What’s happening in your prayer closet?" If you have time on your hands, put them together in prayer.
19. It is a hard fact that God is on your side. His Word has direction for every situation you will ever face. People may declare, based on human reasoning, that "It's over," but God never does.
20. Do not allow other hurting people to help "fix" your problems. If they can't fix their own problems, why allow them to have input to yours? That is God's job, and not one for other humans.
21. The prodigal journey home is filled with false starts. Please be prepared for these. Standers are being wiped out by, "He/She came home yesterday and left again today." This is all part of the prodigal process. You must be aware of, and praying against, the spiritual battle that is raging for your beloved. (As an aside, let me say that most prodigals who are on the way home are doing the very best they can, in light of their absence of spiritual weapons for this spiritual battle. That is why your prayers are so important.)
22. Prodigals do come home. We come home, not to people who are dabbling in standing, but we come home to spouses who are serious about their relationship with Jesus Christ, and serious about praying their spouse away from Hell. We come home to standers who are not blown away by the unexpected. We come home to praying spouses who have not set deadlines for God, nor for us. We come home to standing and waiting spouses who strive to cover our sinful nakedness in front of others, not sharing everything they know or suspect. We prodigals come home to spouses who are walking with God 100% of the way. May you start today to be the kind of godly stander that prodigals come home to, often suddenly!
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." Hosea 14:9
Here is the second part of Bob's quick start guide.
12. No other human can tell you the exact day your prodigal will repent and come home. We know of too many good standers who have been almost destroyed when someone traveling through town prophesies an exact date for restoration, and that date comes and goes without anything happening. The date is God’s business and not man’s. As a stander, you need to live every day as though today was your day of restoration. Wake up every day looking down the front walk and asking God if this is the day.
13. Allow God to be God in bringing your prodigal home to Himself, and home to you. Be careful not to set stipulations for your prodigal’s return without first seeking God for His will. Be wary of any individuals who want to help you set rules for a prodigal’s return.
14. Standing is not reciting a prayer, nor is it attending meetings, or talking the talk of a stander. It must become a way of life for you. That way of life is living like Jesus did. There must be no place for sin, in any form, in your life. If you call yourself a stander, you must want to see how far from the line called sin you can live, and not experimenting with what God will allow you to get away with. The sinful things of this world must be constantly dropping from your life, as they are replaced by the things of God. For example, developing a desire for Christian music; music that will give you answers, and help, and support instead of music from the world. Live a holy life.
15. Standing is not learned, nor is it mastered, all at once. It is learned one step (or one mistake) at a time. God allows for mistakes in standing as you learn. I cannot tell you how many times each month a person who is serious about standing tells us how they have "really blown it" with their Lord God, or with their mate. No, you have not. God allows mistakes, and He forgives them when we repent. The only way you can "really blow it" is by giving up on God and on your prodigal spouse. Even then, God allows fresh starts. Somehow, he covers over all our mistakes, when we sincerely repent, like the tide washing across the beach. Every sign of imperfection is washed away.
16. If standing becomes "too hard" and you "can’t do it anymore," (whatever that means) and you give up standing, nothing is going to be any different about your life tomorrow. Your prodigal spouse will be the same, as will your circumstances. The only difference is that you have given up your hope and, in effect, have bought into, "Some things are impossible even for God," a statement that simply is not true. If you limit God in marriage restoration, you are also limiting Him every time you need Him in the future. Nothing is impossible with God.
17. Another hard fact of standing is that you should stay away from, and not accept advice from, people named "They." We often hear how "They feel God has someone better for me," or "They said I should get on with my life." When "They say my marriage is hopeless," we want to reply. It’s not about what "They" say, but about what God says. You cannot be listening to "They" and God at the same time.
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out. Proverbs 18:15
18. You might have heard me say previously that if there had been an Internet and email 25 years ago, when we were divorced and Charlyne was standing with God and praying for me, I am not certain that I would be here today. If I, as a prodigal spouse, had read some of the things about me that even good standers post all over the Internet today, I would have run the opposite direction. It is almost as if today’s standers think they are having a private conversation with a friend, when they diagnose and disclose their mate's faults and weaknesses online. There is Internet access in the pigpens of life also, and prodigals read the message boards and chat rooms–and additional damage is done to already troubled marriages.
If every stander could give God half as much time as they are giving their computer for a six-month period, we would see marriages restored in droves. Since some standers are addicted to the chat rooms and other online activities, I suspect that will never happen. Instead, they’ll keep limping along, typing, "You won’t believe what he/she did now," and then soliciting advice, not from God, but from online friends, many of whom they have never seen face to face, and some of whom are not even who they claim to be. Our standers will keep typing out prayers online, and calling it devotional time, instead of getting on their face before Almighty God, and crying out to Him. Before you say, "Nothing’s happening in my stand," Charlyne and I would ask, "What’s happening in your prayer closet?" If you have time on your hands, put them together in prayer.
19. It is a hard fact that God is on your side. His Word has direction for every situation you will ever face. People may declare, based on human reasoning, that "It's over," but God never does.
20. Do not allow other hurting people to help "fix" your problems. If they can't fix their own problems, why allow them to have input to yours? That is God's job, and not one for other humans.
21. The prodigal journey home is filled with false starts. Please be prepared for these. Standers are being wiped out by, "He/She came home yesterday and left again today." This is all part of the prodigal process. You must be aware of, and praying against, the spiritual battle that is raging for your beloved. (As an aside, let me say that most prodigals who are on the way home are doing the very best they can, in light of their absence of spiritual weapons for this spiritual battle. That is why your prayers are so important.)
22. Prodigals do come home. We come home, not to people who are dabbling in standing, but we come home to spouses who are serious about their relationship with Jesus Christ, and serious about praying their spouse away from Hell. We come home to standers who are not blown away by the unexpected. We come home to praying spouses who have not set deadlines for God, nor for us. We come home to standing and waiting spouses who strive to cover our sinful nakedness in front of others, not sharing everything they know or suspect. We prodigals come home to spouses who are walking with God 100% of the way. May you start today to be the kind of godly stander that prodigals come home to, often suddenly!
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
