A CUP OF FLOWERS
On Valentine's Day, 1987, we were divorced and I lived a hundred miles away from my family. In my opinion, there was no hope for our reconciliation. An article I had written on divorce recovery had just been published nationwide in a denominational single's magazine. I was making more money than ever before. There was a girlfriend seriously in the picture. I had it made, but I was miserable.
On Valentine's Day I had prepared dinner for the other woman. The dining table was set using my best hand-me-down tablecloth and my apartment, decorated in “Early American Divorce,†was spotless. This was going to be some romantic Valentine's evening.
Five minutes before my guest was to arrive, there was a knock on the door. Standing there was not the other woman, but a florist holding a small flower arrangement. Even while signing for the delivery, I knew they had to be from Charlyne and not from the other woman. The card was signed, “Happy Valentine’s Day,†from: Charlyne, Tim, Tom and Lori. We will always love you very much.†I knew she did not have money for flowers. She was barely keeping the electricity on. I simply could not take her gift to the dumpster, yet I knew what would happen if that other person knew my “ex-wife,†whom I had been ordered to “get over,†was sending me flowers. My plans for that Valentine’s dinner had been ruined by what some might call an ex-wife, standing for her marriage, combined with God’s always-perfect-timing. I removed the card from the flowers, hid it away, and placed the cup of flowers in my spare bedroom.
Minutes later, my guest arrived and headed straight for the unmarked cup of flowers. She knew who had sent them without even asking. Sparing the details, I can tell you that Valentine's evening was a disaster.
Those flowers would not die. I never watered them, but they survived a second visit from that other person. That visit, also, was a disaster. When I finally tossed out the flowers, I discovered that inside the lip of the cup was printed, “All we need is love!†That reminder of a faithful wife was going to last far beyond the life of fresh flowers. Charlyne had no idea that statement was even there.
As I write these words for you, sitting to the right of my keyboard is a white coffee cup, covered with bears and red hearts. Inside the cup, those same words continue to leap out at me. “All we need is love!†If we ever meet, I need to show you my love mug. It’s a daily reminder of Charlyne’s unconditional love for me.
Five months later, we were remarried. It took another two months for me to move back home, due to employment, but on moving day, that cup came home!
“Should I send my prodigal spouse something for Valentine's Day?†Please do not send flowers simply because Charlyne did. You need to follow Charlyne's example in only one way, by asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in what you should or should not do. When you follow God's direction, and not man's instruction, you will never be wrong.
I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day on behalf of your prodigal spouse. The person for whom you stand and pray for may not be able to say that right now, but I can promise that you are on their heart this very week.
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
On Valentine's Day, 1987, we were divorced and I lived a hundred miles away from my family. In my opinion, there was no hope for our reconciliation. An article I had written on divorce recovery had just been published nationwide in a denominational single's magazine. I was making more money than ever before. There was a girlfriend seriously in the picture. I had it made, but I was miserable.
On Valentine's Day I had prepared dinner for the other woman. The dining table was set using my best hand-me-down tablecloth and my apartment, decorated in “Early American Divorce,†was spotless. This was going to be some romantic Valentine's evening.
Five minutes before my guest was to arrive, there was a knock on the door. Standing there was not the other woman, but a florist holding a small flower arrangement. Even while signing for the delivery, I knew they had to be from Charlyne and not from the other woman. The card was signed, “Happy Valentine’s Day,†from: Charlyne, Tim, Tom and Lori. We will always love you very much.†I knew she did not have money for flowers. She was barely keeping the electricity on. I simply could not take her gift to the dumpster, yet I knew what would happen if that other person knew my “ex-wife,†whom I had been ordered to “get over,†was sending me flowers. My plans for that Valentine’s dinner had been ruined by what some might call an ex-wife, standing for her marriage, combined with God’s always-perfect-timing. I removed the card from the flowers, hid it away, and placed the cup of flowers in my spare bedroom.
Minutes later, my guest arrived and headed straight for the unmarked cup of flowers. She knew who had sent them without even asking. Sparing the details, I can tell you that Valentine's evening was a disaster.
Those flowers would not die. I never watered them, but they survived a second visit from that other person. That visit, also, was a disaster. When I finally tossed out the flowers, I discovered that inside the lip of the cup was printed, “All we need is love!†That reminder of a faithful wife was going to last far beyond the life of fresh flowers. Charlyne had no idea that statement was even there.
As I write these words for you, sitting to the right of my keyboard is a white coffee cup, covered with bears and red hearts. Inside the cup, those same words continue to leap out at me. “All we need is love!†If we ever meet, I need to show you my love mug. It’s a daily reminder of Charlyne’s unconditional love for me.
Five months later, we were remarried. It took another two months for me to move back home, due to employment, but on moving day, that cup came home!
“Should I send my prodigal spouse something for Valentine's Day?†Please do not send flowers simply because Charlyne did. You need to follow Charlyne's example in only one way, by asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in what you should or should not do. When you follow God's direction, and not man's instruction, you will never be wrong.
I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day on behalf of your prodigal spouse. The person for whom you stand and pray for may not be able to say that right now, but I can promise that you are on their heart this very week.
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
