When couples struggle, it’s often not because they don’t love each other—it’s because unhealthy communication patterns sneak into the relationship. In this blog, I’ll share the three biggest signs of poor communication in marriage that research (including work from the University of Washington and years of experience at Marriage Helper) has consistently revealed. More importantly, I’ll show you how to stop them and replace them with healthy communication habits that build trust, intimacy, and connection.
Every strong marriage depends on how partners talk—and listen—to one another. The way you speak to your spouse can either build intimacy or slowly erode love. If you’ve noticed tension, frequent misunderstandings, or emotional distance, chances are one of these three unhealthy communication patterns is showing up in your relationship.
One of the clearest warning signs of unhealthy communication is disrespect. This can look like:
These actions may seem small in the moment, but they send a powerful message: you are not respected. Over time, this leads to resentment and disconnection.
Healthy alternative: Practice appreciation and constructive feedback. Instead of criticizing how your spouse loaded the dishwasher, you could say, “Thank you for helping. Next time, would you mind doing it this way?”
Some couples pride themselves on saying, “We never fight.” But the truth is, avoiding conflict isn’t healthy—it’s a sign of isolation.
When one partner constantly runs from conflict, it blocks opportunities for intimacy. Research shows that about 69% of marital conflicts are never fully resolved—and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle them.
Healthy marriages don’t avoid disagreements—they work through them. When you and your spouse can talk through differences and still love and accept each other, intimacy grows stronger.
On the other hand, if your spouse withdraws because they’ve experienced years of criticism or jokes at their expense, isolation becomes a painful wall between you.
Healthy alternative: Face the conflict with respect. Take a bold step to talk about what scares you instead of burying it. Conflict, when handled with care, creates trust and deeper love.
This may seem harmless, but mocking your spouse—even as a joke—damages communication and intimacy. Examples include:
People may laugh when these jokes are shared in groups, but the spouse on the receiving end feels humiliated. Over time, these “jokes” erode passion, respect, and even long-term commitment.
Healthy alternative: Speak words of kindness. When friends start complaining about their spouses, choose a different path—say something positive about your husband or wife. The way you talk about your spouse in public shapes how you feel about them in private.
Difficulty communicating with your spouse often stems from unresolved conflict, emotional disconnection, or unhealthy patterns that block trust, intimacy, and understanding.
Communication struggles usually don’t appear overnight—they build over time. Maybe small disagreements turn into arguments, or one partner withdraws while the other pushes harder. Common reasons include:
When these patterns repeat, couples feel like they’re “speaking different languages.” The good news is that healthy communication can be rebuilt. By learning to listen actively, address issues with respect, and replace criticism with appreciation, you create space for trust and intimacy to grow again.
Unhealthy communication in a relationship often looks like constant criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, or contempt—patterns that create distance, mistrust, and emotional disconnection instead of understanding. These behaviors make it harder for couples to resolve conflicts and maintain closeness.
You might ask, “What is an example of toxic communication in a relationship?”, an example of toxic communication is when one partner consistently uses sarcasm, belittling remarks, or aggressive tones to shut the other down rather than engage in problem-solving. This type of interaction erodes trust and can escalate small disagreements into larger conflicts. This leads to disrespectful communication that commonly results in various marriage crises and conflicts.
What does disrespectful communication look like? Disrespectful communication often shows up as interrupting your partner, dismissing their feelings, rolling your eyes, or using harsh language. When one partner minimizes or mocks the other, it creates an imbalance of respect and makes open, healthy dialogue nearly impossible.
The good news is you can turn things around. Here’s a simple three-step process:
The words you use with your spouse can either build love or break trust. Every time you choose respect, honesty, and encouragement, you strengthen your marriage. Every time you avoid conflict or use disrespect, intimacy fades.
At Marriage Helper, we’ve seen countless couples restore love and rebuild trust, even after years of unhealthy communication. If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, know this: you can change, and your marriage can get better.
Yes, you can fix communication issues in a relationship by practicing active listening, showing empathy, and creating safe spaces for honest conversations. Many couples also find that professional guidance, such as marriage counseling or couples workshops, helps them rebuild trust and learn healthier communication patterns.
Some people might wonder, “How can poor communication affect marriage?” Poor communication in marriage often leads to frequent misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and emotional distance. Over time, this weakens intimacy and can make partners feel disconnected or unheard, putting the stability of the relationship at risk.
How to fix communication issues in marriage? To fix communication issues in marriage, couples should focus on listening without interrupting, expressing feelings respectfully, and setting aside time for meaningful conversations. Seeking help from a counselor or structured couples program can also provide tools to break negative patterns and strengthen the relationship.
At Marriage Helper, couples in crisis discover that even the most difficult communication problems can be repaired with the right support. Through the 3-day Marriage Helper Couples Workshop, which are offered both in-person and online, spouses learn proven strategies to break destructive patterns, rebuild trust, and reconnect with one another in meaningful ways. Many couples who once believed their relationship was beyond saving have found hope, healing, and a path forward by applying these research-based techniques in a supportive environment.
Book a free call now!
The post 3 Signs of Unhealthy Communication in Marriage (and How to Fix Them) appeared first on Marriage Helper.
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Why Communication Matters in Marriage?
Every strong marriage depends on how partners talk—and listen—to one another. The way you speak to your spouse can either build intimacy or slowly erode love. If you’ve noticed tension, frequent misunderstandings, or emotional distance, chances are one of these three unhealthy communication patterns is showing up in your relationship.
1. Disrespectful Communication
One of the clearest warning signs of unhealthy communication is disrespect. This can look like:
- Critical comments: “Why are you so stupid?” or “How could you vote for that person?”
- Belittling your spouse’s thoughts, feelings, or desires.
- Rolling your eyes when your spouse speaks.
- Correcting them harshly in front of others (“It’s actually tomato, not tomahto”).
These actions may seem small in the moment, but they send a powerful message: you are not respected. Over time, this leads to resentment and disconnection.
Healthy alternative: Practice appreciation and constructive feedback. Instead of criticizing how your spouse loaded the dishwasher, you could say, “Thank you for helping. Next time, would you mind doing it this way?”
2. Avoidance and Isolation
Some couples pride themselves on saying, “We never fight.” But the truth is, avoiding conflict isn’t healthy—it’s a sign of isolation.
When one partner constantly runs from conflict, it blocks opportunities for intimacy. Research shows that about 69% of marital conflicts are never fully resolved—and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle them.
Healthy marriages don’t avoid disagreements—they work through them. When you and your spouse can talk through differences and still love and accept each other, intimacy grows stronger.
On the other hand, if your spouse withdraws because they’ve experienced years of criticism or jokes at their expense, isolation becomes a painful wall between you.
Healthy alternative: Face the conflict with respect. Take a bold step to talk about what scares you instead of burying it. Conflict, when handled with care, creates trust and deeper love.
3. Making Jokes at Your Spouse’s Expense
This may seem harmless, but mocking your spouse—even as a joke—damages communication and intimacy. Examples include:
- “At least you care about golf. I wish you cared about the honey-do list.”
- “Maybe we’d have more money if you stopped spending it all.”
- Mocking your spouse’s tone or repeating what they say in a sarcastic voice.
People may laugh when these jokes are shared in groups, but the spouse on the receiving end feels humiliated. Over time, these “jokes” erode passion, respect, and even long-term commitment.
Healthy alternative: Speak words of kindness. When friends start complaining about their spouses, choose a different path—say something positive about your husband or wife. The way you talk about your spouse in public shapes how you feel about them in private.
Why Is It Hard to Communicate With My Spouse?
Difficulty communicating with your spouse often stems from unresolved conflict, emotional disconnection, or unhealthy patterns that block trust, intimacy, and understanding.
Communication struggles usually don’t appear overnight—they build over time. Maybe small disagreements turn into arguments, or one partner withdraws while the other pushes harder. Common reasons include:
- Different communication styles – One partner prefers talking immediately, while the other needs time to process.
- Unresolved conflict – Old arguments resurface because they were never truly addressed, making new conversations tense.
- Emotional disconnection – When intimacy fades, even small conversations feel distant or forced.
- Avoidance – Some spouses shut down to “keep the peace,” but this only creates more distance.
- Disrespectful communication – Criticism, sarcasm, or jokes at your spouse’s expense make them feel unheard and unsafe.
When these patterns repeat, couples feel like they’re “speaking different languages.” The good news is that healthy communication can be rebuilt. By learning to listen actively, address issues with respect, and replace criticism with appreciation, you create space for trust and intimacy to grow again.
What does unhealthy communication look like in a relationship?
Unhealthy communication in a relationship often looks like constant criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, or contempt—patterns that create distance, mistrust, and emotional disconnection instead of understanding. These behaviors make it harder for couples to resolve conflicts and maintain closeness.
You might ask, “What is an example of toxic communication in a relationship?”, an example of toxic communication is when one partner consistently uses sarcasm, belittling remarks, or aggressive tones to shut the other down rather than engage in problem-solving. This type of interaction erodes trust and can escalate small disagreements into larger conflicts. This leads to disrespectful communication that commonly results in various marriage crises and conflicts.
What does disrespectful communication look like? Disrespectful communication often shows up as interrupting your partner, dismissing their feelings, rolling your eyes, or using harsh language. When one partner minimizes or mocks the other, it creates an imbalance of respect and makes open, healthy dialogue nearly impossible.
How to Stop Unhealthy Communication?
The good news is you can turn things around. Here’s a simple three-step process:
- Name it – Identify which unhealthy pattern you’re struggling with (criticism, avoidance, or jokes).
- Stop it – Take a breath in the moment and refuse to continue the pattern.
- Replace it – Choose a new, healthier habit. Express appreciation instead of criticism. Start conversations instead of avoiding them. Offer compliments instead of jokes at your spouse’s expense.
Why This Matters
The words you use with your spouse can either build love or break trust. Every time you choose respect, honesty, and encouragement, you strengthen your marriage. Every time you avoid conflict or use disrespect, intimacy fades.
At Marriage Helper, we’ve seen countless couples restore love and rebuild trust, even after years of unhealthy communication. If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, know this: you can change, and your marriage can get better.
Can you fix communication issues in a relationship?
Yes, you can fix communication issues in a relationship by practicing active listening, showing empathy, and creating safe spaces for honest conversations. Many couples also find that professional guidance, such as marriage counseling or couples workshops, helps them rebuild trust and learn healthier communication patterns.
Some people might wonder, “How can poor communication affect marriage?” Poor communication in marriage often leads to frequent misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and emotional distance. Over time, this weakens intimacy and can make partners feel disconnected or unheard, putting the stability of the relationship at risk.
How to fix communication issues in marriage? To fix communication issues in marriage, couples should focus on listening without interrupting, expressing feelings respectfully, and setting aside time for meaningful conversations. Seeking help from a counselor or structured couples program can also provide tools to break negative patterns and strengthen the relationship.
At Marriage Helper, couples in crisis discover that even the most difficult communication problems can be repaired with the right support. Through the 3-day Marriage Helper Couples Workshop, which are offered both in-person and online, spouses learn proven strategies to break destructive patterns, rebuild trust, and reconnect with one another in meaningful ways. Many couples who once believed their relationship was beyond saving have found hope, healing, and a path forward by applying these research-based techniques in a supportive environment.
Book a free call now!
The post 3 Signs of Unhealthy Communication in Marriage (and How to Fix Them) appeared first on Marriage Helper.
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